Random Thoughts

Global Health

2005-12-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

G: I can't believe Christmas break is here and I have 3 weeks off! This marks the longest time off school I've had since last September...and the last break I'll get until next Novemeber. I'm gonna enjoy it! In the meantime, here is something I wrote for the ethics submission of the research project I will be working on for the next 10 months. ("Dream Come True?" ~ November 2nd, 2005).

Off to the Caribbean in a few days...see you all when I get back!

Evaluating the Role of the Canadian Physical Therapist in Global Health: A SWOT Analysis

1.0 Introduction

Despite the increased presence of physical therapists in global health settings, their roles are not well outlined in literature – in Canada or elsewhere. This study proposes to synthesize the available peer-reviewed and grey literature, and conduct a series of key informant interviews to address this issue. This information will be integrated into a SWOT analysis framework in order to determine the strengths (S), opportunities (O), weaknesses (W) and threats (T) of Canadian physical therapists working in developing countries. This research study will attempt to address a wide range of professional and ethical issues, including viability, sustainability, professional autonomy, and scope of practice as related to Canadian physical therapists working in global health initiatives.

Significant discrepancies in population health and access to health services exist between developed and developing nations. The loss of billions of dollars each year due to disability and related losses in productivity is an expense that developing countries can ill-afford. In order to reduce the burden of care on society and maximize the productivity of its citizens, the gap in disease and disability between developing and developed nations must be reduced. Global health initiatives aim to improve the health of underserved or vulnerable populations. As experts in functional mobility relating to disability, physical therapists aim to improve the quality of life and independence of persons with disability, thereby maximizing their productivity within society. Potential implications of a healthy population reach beyond the individual level to shape economic and societal infrastructures. As such, global health initiatives aim to not only decrease disability, but also to invest into communities through the dissemination of knowledge and transfer of skills and resources.

The current trend in health care is moving away from the traditional medical model of care to a more community-based rehabilitation (CBR) strategy. The CBR model promotes a multi-disciplinary approach where physical therapy and other rehabilitation services may be accessed. The five basic principles of CBR include:

- Utilization of available resources in the community
- Transfer of knowledge about disability and skills in rehabilitation to people with disabilities, families and communities
- Community involvement in planning, decision making and evaluation
- Utilization and strengthening of referral services at district, provincial, and national levels that are able to perform skilled assessments with increasing sophistication, make rehabilitation plans, participate in training and supervision
- Utilization of co-ordinated, multisectoral approach

Despite increased interests in global health and CBR, the current and future roles that Canadian physical therapists could assume have not yet been described or explored. This study sets out to use a SWOT analysis to systematically evaluate the current and potential role of the Canadian physical therapists in global health, including CBR programs. These roles may include primary healthcare, as well as advocacy and policymaking in government and institutional settings. The results of this study will be used by International Health Division (IHD) of the Canadian Physiotherapy Association (CPA) at the upcoming World Confederation for Physical Therapy (WCPT) International Congress to be held in Vancouver in 2007.

2.0 Background

In 1978, the Declaration of Alma-Ata on primary health care declared that “an acceptable level of health for all the people of the world by the year 2000” was possible, but expressed the need for urgent action to protect and promote the health of individuals worldwide. The assembly boldly challenged the global community to eliminate the “existing gross inequality in the health status of people” within developed and developing nations. It recognized health as a basic human right entitled to all, asserting that global health was thus a “common concern to all countries”. More than a quarter century later, these objectives remain largely unfulfilled.

The International Classification of Functioning, Disability and Health (ICF) defines disability as an umbrella term to characterize all impairments, activity limitations and participation restrictions relating to the body, the individual and society. Today, it is estimated that over 600 million people in the world live with some form of disability, often in poor conditions and without access to basic needs for survival. The World Health Organization (WHO) reported that in 2005, 80% of persons with disabilities lived in low-income countries. Disability then, can serve as an indicator of health status, highlighting the substantial disparities in health between developed and developing nations. The changing global environment has drastically influenced disease and disability, making global health initiatives and efforts like the Alma-Ata progressively more complex. Amongst other factors, population growth, war and conflict, violence, environmental degradation, chronic conditions and an aging population have all influenced the nature of disease and disability worldwide, particularly in developing nations.

In an assessment of world health published by the WHO in 2000, estimates of disability-adjusted life expectancies (DALE) were reported for 191 countries around the globe. DALE measures “the equivalent number of years of life expected to be lived in full health”, providing valuable information regarding the quality of health of a population, rather than simply quantitative measures of life expectancy. Results of this study showed that Japan and Australia topped the list with healthy life expectancies of 74.5 and 73.2 years respectively; with Canada and the United States ranking slightly lower at 12th and 24th respectively (72.0 and 70.0 years). The lowest country out of 191 was the West African nation of Sierra Leone, with an average DALE of only 25.9 years. In fact, all 10 countries at the bottom of the list were from the continent of Africa, where it is estimated that 95% of disability is poverty related.

In an attempt to respond, the WHO held its 5th World Health Assembly (WHA) in May 2005 to address the issue of: “Disability, including prevention, management and rehabilitation”. Concerned with the rapid increase in the number of persons with disabilities worldwide, particularly in developing areas, the WHA urged member states to address the global rise in morbidity through the following actions:

- To develop their knowledge base with a view to promoting and protecting the rights and dignity of persons with disabilities and ensure their full inclusion in society, particularly by encouraging training and protecting employment;

- To strengthen national programmes, policies and strategies for the implementation of the United Nations’ Standard Rules on the Equalization of Opportunities for Persons with Disabilities;

- To promote and strengthen community-based rehabilitation programmes linked to primary health care and integrated in the health system;

- To investigate and put into practice, under their specific conditions, the most effective actions to prevent disabilities, with the participation of other sectors of the community;

- To research and implement the most effective measures to prevent disabilities in collaboration with communities and other sectors;

Historically physical therapy and rehabilitation have been – and still remain – low priorities in the developing world. The average physical therapist to population ratio in these areas of the world is 1:550,000 compared to 1:1,400 in developed nations. In the developing world, where basic medical care and survival are daily struggles, rehabilitation has traditionally been overlooked though it may present a key part of the solution. The severe shortage of rehabilitation services in these countries is compounded by financial limitations, negative attitudes towards disabilities and poor awareness of the physical therapy profession. It is estimated that tens of billions of dollars are lost each year due to disability and related losses in productivity. Kay et al. writes that “Developing nations can ill-afford the expense of the morbidity that a failure to rehabilitate causes”.

Current literature addressing the role of physical therapy in global health settings is limited in Canada and elsewhere. Despite the increased presence of physical therapists in global health initiatives, the role of rehabilitation itself is presently poorly defined in the global community. As experts in functional mobility and independence, there is potentially a large role for physical therapy and rehabilitation specialists in reducing disability and increasing the independence of individuals in developing countries. The goal of rehabilitation is to increase the quality of life of individuals living with disability, thereby maximizing an individual’s productivity and reducing the burden of care on society. Persons with disabilities should be seen as vital contributors to the community, and rehabilitation services should be considered an investment into society rather than merely a cost.

Ultimately, the role of the physical therapy profession is likely influenced by cultural context, political and economic milieu as well as the status of the country’s health and education systems. It is important to understand that health and disability are intrinsically linked to a nation’s productivity and prospect for development; and vice versa. A 2001 evaluation of the implementation of the UN Standard Rules on the Equalisation of Opportunities for Persons with Disabilities reported that currently only 1-2% of the developing world has access to rehabilitation and almost 30% of countries surveyed do not have national rehabilitation programs. The WHO issued a statement in May 2002 stating that “stable and prosperous societies cannot be achieved without investing in health". The prosperity of not only the national economy, but also the health of the population as a whole is fundamentally important to a country’s ability to develop and flourish. As such, the potential ramifications of disease and disability in developing nations reach beyond the rehabilitation sector and into the economic and social infrastructures of a nation.

Canadian physical therapists may be positioned well to use their professional skills and knowledge to contribute to the development of rehabilitation in global health initiatives. In Canada, the physical therapy professional roles have expanded into areas such as private enterprise, institutional support, primary care and health policy and administration. The extent to which these same skills may be applicable in global health settings – in CBR programs and beyond – warrant further investigation. Issues of professional autonomy and scope of practice remain unaddressed in development projects and questions of viability, sustainability and dependency arise; issues that are important for both the people receiving services and the physical therapy profession. As such, physical therapists working in global health settings encounter a wide variety of ethical and professional dilemmas that may not have clear answers. A gap in knowledge currently exists due to a lack of research and poor dissemination of experiential knowledge from those with experience working in developing countries. Research towards defining the actual and potential role of Canadian physical therapy can provide direction for future global health initiatives in rehabilitation, and support the professional decision making of individual physical therapists.

This study proposes to use case study design, key informant interviews coupled with a SWOT analysis methodology to attempt to address the current gap in knowledge regarding the present role and future opportunities that Canadian physical therapists have within the global health area. The results of this study will ultimately identify and evaluate the roles of the Canadian physical therapist in global health, which will in turn provide empirical basis for direction and strategy for the International Health Division of the Canadian Physiotherapy Association.

100th Post!

2005-11-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

So apparently the counter on blogger says that this is my 100th post...wow!

It seems so long ago that I started this blog. August 31st, 2004 to be exact. 460 days exactly since I began to journal about my life, my thoughts and my struggles. That is an average of 1 post every 4.6 days. Not bad I guess, though my goal originally was to post twice a week, so I may be slightly behind that rate right now (especially in the last few months). 29 posts behind to be exact. So I guess if I can sit here all night and fire off 29 posts, I can put myself back onto the pace I had committed to...hehe...

Unlike some of my other posts, I will keep this short and to the point. Whether you've been reading along ever since my very first post, or this is post numero uno for you, I want to thank you all for your interest in my random thoughts. As random as they may be sometimes, I've tried to take you all beyond what everybody thinks they know about me to give you a glimpse of the real me - sans misconceptions, sans preconceived notions and sans interpretation.

I will leave you with a quote from one of my favourite songs all time, one of the reasons why I still continue to try to write whenever I can:

"Life's a journey not a destination, And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings" ~ Amazing (by Aerosmith)

Here's to the next 100 posts of my life.

Thanx all, Peaz

Absence of GO(O)D

2005-11-23T13:35:00.000-08:00

"Evil is the Absence of Good"

Have you ever heard this phrase before? Essentially the argument is that Good is a defiing quality, and that evil exists due to the lack of its presence. Similarly, like darkness is the absence of light, coldness the absence of heat and poverty the absence of resources, evil exists fundamentally as the absence of good.

Or rather, Absence of God...

In "Wine Before Breakfast" at Wycliffe yesterday morning, we spent a little time praying for our world. To be honest, it can be discouraging sometimes. There's some whack stuff goin' on out there in the world nowadays, and its getting worse. Perhaps it is that as we grow up, we become more in tune with what's really going on in the world; less sheltered from the "bad stuff" and more aware of "harsh realities"? But still, it just seems as if our socieity as a whole is going downhill, more corrupt and more violent than ever. Forget other cities in other countries...this is a problem here....even in Toronto.

It makes me think tho...Is it simply "just a coincidence" that the progressive atrophy of moral standards in our "modern" society is parallelling (is that a word?) our "progressive" secularization of everyday life? It seems that the more we have attempted to push God out of our culture and our identity, the worse our communities have gotten, NOT better. Its undeniable, you see it all over the front pages of the newspaper, on the evening news, and all over the internet. I can feel the erosion of moral decency and conscience.

Absence of God.

It seems as if the only times nowadays that it is ok to acknowledge God overtly in our society are at events like weddings and funerals. Religion is no longer alowed in school, or at work, yet the majority would find it absurd to not allow prayers in marriage or in death. Its funny, because even those who do not consider themselves "practising" in their faith (or even those who don't believe altogether) seem to entertain and allow the idea of religion and God, if only temporarily. Weddings and funerals are still usually held in churches and both are littered with religious symbology - from the reading of scriptures and prayer, to the overt acknowledgement of His presence, to the supplication of His blessings upon "His people". Perhaps it is the sanctity of weddings and funerals that allows religion to remain; very specific times in people's lives where something is so sacred that it is acceptable to allow the slightest hint of faith to penetrate, if only by tradition.

Until now. Lately, it seems as if even this sacredness is dwindling. The first sign was a couple weeks ago, when I heard of the suicide bombings that targetted families celebrating a couple's wedding in Jordan. A day that started out as celebration quickly turned into trajedgy. The bride and groom survived, but both their fathers did not. The second was about a teenager gunned down and shot to death...in a CHURCH, as he, family and friends were morning the death of another friend, also a victim of gun violence. This time it happened in our own very city of Toronto...

I used to hold on to the belief that deep within each and everyone of us was some sort of common conscience, that we complied to, even if at varying degrees. Throughout all the violence that has recently gone down in Toronto and elsewhere, I held some sort of fanatical belief that even in things like gang violence and terrorism, there was a certain unwritten, unspoken code that was adhered to, to govern mayhem; that perhaps there was still some of respect for the sacred. Was I just too naive? Before the last few weeks, I just could not fathom that even our world was capabable of such things.

Absence of God.

You may think this is odd, but I don't believe that these were acts of extreme evil by individual people. I am a big believer that people are not born terrorists or murders, rather they are a product of circumstance. These were crimes of anger, of last resort. Perhaps by a society that has screwed them over left them behind. It makes me wonder tho, what kind of societiy it is that breeds individuals capable of such heinous acts. The utter lack of regard we seem to have for one another and the sacred things in our lives just makes my heart drop. Perhaps it is time that society turns around and welcomes God back in.

"Dust and Ashes"

2005-11-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

"Now, behold, I have ventured to speak to the Lord, although I am but dust and ashes." ~ Genesis 18:27

The following is a short excerpt of a short article I recently read in a newsletter sent out by CPTI (Christian Physical Therapists International). It wasn't like the most incredibly well written peice of work, rather it is simply some honest sharing by a Physical Therapist...a Christian Physical Therapist...Like me! To be honest, it really had nothing to do with International health, and oddly enough, it had nothing to do even with physical therapy at all. Yet there it was, on the cover of the CPTI newsletter. Front page...page one...most important.

"Dust and ashes.

I love that attitude Abraham had in prayer - the feeling that he had entered the treasure house of God and grasped heaven in his arms. To think that he, Abraham, had talked with the Lord of the universe! The thought itself was enough to lay him low and cause him to say, 'God, who am I? I'm only a little pile of dust and ashes in your presence'....Spiritual prayers have to do with conversing with the unseen Creator as though He were standing visibly and terribly in front of us. Spiritual prayer means talking to Someone who is real. That thought alone should drop us to our knees"

So how does this relate to me? Well, I guess for me, it seems like lately my prayer life's been dwindling down a road of apathy and obligation. Its dry...filled with formality and painfully lacking in the passion one would expect, considering that we are communicating directly with our Creator. Last year, I used to reserve 45 minutes on the train every morning to read my Bible and pray. It was an incredible habit that I managed to keep up for all of my first year of PT. Now...my devos have been replaced by reading the Metro...I still do my prayers, but its a mixture of praying and sleeping and daydreaming.

I've always believed that one's prayer life is a direct reflection of one's spiritual walk. How could you build a relationship with anyone, if you never talk to them? What kind of bond could you claim with whom you only communicate with out of obligation? A very weak one, no doubt.

Its not that that I've intentionally been denying God in my life - the majority of people I know don't fall away from God on their own volition - but slowly, you begin to slip further and further away. Its a gradual process you don't even realize until you've strayed too far. Maybe its something you've put on the backburner for a while, b/c things were going pretty good, but before you know it...a year could pass by and you realize that you've just become more and more distant from Him. The tough thing is that there is no caution signs posted or alarms warnings of danger ahead to direct you back to the straight road. Rather you gradually stray from the path, each step veering only a fraction more then the last...until you realize you've begun to walk in a completely differenl direction then you had intended.

Perhaps this is even more dangerous, or at least just a much. For which is worse...a person who temps fate by deliberately walking a path close to the edge of a cliff or a person who walks confidently along thinking he/she is on a safe path and ignorant of the impending danger?

For me, it's not as if things are going horribly wrong, actually things are looking really exciting - and I have to thank is God for all of this. But I think the current decline in my prayer life manifests itself in smaller ways. Maybe I'm just a little bit less tolerant a person these days; a little more easily agitated. I go to school a little less enthusiastic than I did in my first year, where God was filling my life with challenges and new spiritual endeavours. And lastly, I think I'm just more tired...not taking the opportunity for God to renew me each and every morning.

I have heard a pastor once describe the very feeling God gets when we decide to call upon him. We've all felt this way before, I am certain. Do you remember a time you waited expectantly for a phone call or an email from someone you desperately want to talk to? Maybe its from a certain guy or girl...or maybe its about university acceptancees or job interviews. When you finally get that call or email, your heart leaps!...its finally here!

Such is God's reaction each and every time we decide to call Him up...just to talk.

And all this...despite the fact that I am but "Dust and Ashes" compared to the Almightly God...c'mon Gary...what are you waiting for?...get on it...

Dream Come True?

2005-11-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

I got some extremely exciting news last week!

It happened while we were all practising at school on Saturday for our practical exam coming up that week (btw, I passed!). A buzz spread throughout the lab as soon as word got out. Final year projects are up! There was a mixture of excitement and anxiety as we all took off immediately down to the computer lab to see where we've been assigned. The reason for excitement was obvious, but the anxiety was also understandable, for we will be working almost a full year on this research project, and getting stuck with something you're completely not interested in would well, SUCK.

When first I read my name on the list, my heart sunk...for it seemed like I had gotten a project that was one of my top choices, but not THE top choice. I began to tell myeslf that it was alright, but I decided to look again a little closer, and realized I had been mistaken, I had actually gotten my top choice! So for the next year or so (maybe more?), I will be invovled in an extensive research project analyzing the "Actual and potential role of Physical Therapy in global health initiatives".

Many of you know of my desire to get involved in International work, and I think I've shared with some of you that I'm thinking of potentially working for a few years Internationally after I graduate and before I settle back down here. However, to this point, I really had no idea as to how where to start, especially being tied down in school for at least the next year and all. But when final year projects came up, I knew immediately that I wanted to do this project as...I mean AS SOON as I heard about it. As I applied, I felt a sense of peace, knowing that if God wanted me out there in the world, that He would get me there and open opportunities for me - whether through this project or elsewhere. Still, I made up my mind that I was going to pray about it every day until the project assignments came out, and then see what happens. I tried my very best to leave this up to God, there was nothing I could do about it anyway. But of course inside, a part of me desperately wanted this one, for there were very few projects that interested me and I knew I would have been extremely disappointed with anything other than my top choice.

And God answered....WOW....there were so many people that applied to this one, and I have no doubt that God was working in this....WOW...I still really can't believe that I got this. I'm extremely excited about this opportunity, especially the part about making recommendations to the International Health Division of the Canadian Physiotherapy Association and hopefully getting published and stuff like that. I pray that God allows me to serve Him effectively in this role, whatever that may be. I will definitely keep you all posted.

Here is a little summary of what I will be involved in over the next year:

"The following objectives will be addressed in this proposed research study: (1) To comprehensively define the role of Canadian physical therapists in global health initiatives, and (2) To evaluate the role of the Canadian physical therapist in global health initiatives using a ‘SWOT’ analysis methodology"

"Despite the increased presence of PTs in global health settings, their role is not well outlined in the literature in Canada or elsewhere. The role of physical therapy (PT) appears to be dependent on the cultural context, political and economic milieu as well as the status of the country’s health and education systems. Internationally, the role of the PT has only modestly been established in community-based rehabilitation (CBR) projects and other related clinical service delivery models. However, in Canada, the PT professional roles have expanded into areas such as private enterprise, institutional support, primary care, and health policy and administration. The extent to which these same skills may be applicable in the global setting and warrants further investigation.....This research will attempt to address the gap in knowledge regarding the present role that Canadian PTs have within the global health area and project future opportunities. The results of this study will ultimately identify and evaluate the roles of the Canadian PT in global health, which will in turn provide empirical basis for direction and strategy for the International Health Division (IHD) of the Canadian Physiotherapy Association (CPA). This study’s findings will have multiple implications and serve diverse purposes: first, it will generate evidence-based strategic planning for the professional role in global health initiatives; second, it will inform the IHD’s efforts to support the network of Canadian PTs committed to global health; and third, it will facilitate relevant education within professional training programs. More concretely, the identified weaknesses of the role of PT will be addressed to the extent possible through IHD sponsored educational and/or programming initiatives."

More Randoms

2005-10-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

"Monster Tri's"

Thanx to everyone who's been asking about my grandma. She is recovering quite well =D In fact, because she has had to use her arms a little more now to transfer in & out of bed, to the commode etc., she's developing monster triceps! At 94 years of age, I guess its never too late to become a body builder...hehe

"Friggin' Knee"

Also thanx to those who continue to ask about my knee. It's doing better! I tested it out tonight playing Division 1 vball (which is as high as you can get below varsity here)...man, was it intense...I loved it! But the knee didn't fair so well, it gave in on me a couple times...and even when it held, I just couldn't push of on it....there were 5-6 balls that I just couldn't get to in time to set properly...sigh...I just wonder if maybe we would've won the game if I was at 100%...Friggin' knee...I'm gonna see a sports doc next week...I'll let y'all know how it goes...

"Italians with Bats"

I went to an awesome small group leaders conference this past Sat in Missisauga run by Willowcreek Canada. The workshops were great, the speakers were absolutely phenomenal. But the highlight of the day was a conversation with a "local" I had during a lunch voyage. I made the mistake of not taking my name tag off as we went into town for lunch. Here is an actual conversation I had with a guy in Streetsville:

Guy: Whatcha sellin' there GARY?
Me: Ummm...I'm not selling anything....we're actually here for a conference at the church down the street
Guy: Oh...you mean over there? (pointing at a BAR named "Saucy")
Me: Uhhh...no
Guy: Do you mean over there? (pointing at Tim Hortons)
Me: noooooo.....
Guy: It's hard to imagine that even Chinese people are Christian...But they are!
Me: ....... (what the???? YOU FREAKIN' IGNORAMUS.....)
Guy: I guess it must've been those Italians eh? Travelled over into China way back when, with their baseball bats, converting people to Christianity

That was a history lesson I never expected to get...God Bless those bat-weilding Italians...I guess? I salute you and your baseball bats, pumelling my ancestors into Salvation

"Cuisine a la Henry"

Here is an actual email I received to my class list at school...Henry never mentioned it...so I had no idea until I read it...definitely made me one popular dude in PT....haha

MedLife is holding its first food and fellowship event of this year next week! Food and Fellowship essentially involves a group of faculty of medicine students getting together to cook and eat. Our first event will be hosted by a second year med student, Henry Siu, and the theme will be "Cuisine a la Henry Siu." Henry is a self-attested "gourmet" chef, and I am definitely looking forward to tasting his fine recipes) If you too would like to join us, the details are below, all you need to do is reply to this email with subject line: "I hope Henry can cook!"

When: Wednesday, October 19, start time: ~6:00pm, end time: ~9:00pm
Where: Diana Alli's place (condo on harbourfront at Bay Street)
What: Henry's very own yummy recipes, non-vegetarian**

Everything is provided...you just have to show up and have a good time!!

Jen and Amy

"Failure"

Follow these simple steps:

1) Go to www.google.com
2) Type in "failure"
3) Click "I'm feeling lucky"
4) Laugh

Disclaimer: This is by no means a political statement, nor does this necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the author of this site or the blogger.com corporation. Please simply take the wrench out of your butt and laugh.

G: Peaz out...until next time my friends

My Knee

2005-10-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I've avoided it so far, but its finally happened. Being an athlete all my life, I dunno how I've avoided banging up my knee badly. But I guess I've just been lucky - cuz knee injuries really mess you up. (Although I'm pretty sure I tore the PCL (Posterior Cruciate Ligament) in my knee when I was smaller, but I didn't realize it then and its healed now, so I guess that doesn't count) But that streak came to an end on Wednesday...

It was our faculty's first intramural basketball game. I wasn't having much luck offensively so I thought I could at least contribute to the team by playing good defense. I took over coverage on a player of the opposite team I nicknamed "Baldy". He was probably their only other offensive threat second to "Asian Jordan" (on account of his #23 Jersey). I was playing pretty decent defense on Baldy and even peeled off him to take a charge from another player. But then it happened, and pretty quickly as it usually does. I went up to block Asian Jordan and got clipped at the knees. I'm still convinced the guy drove into me hard on purpose - maybe to draw the foul or something...I dunno, but he hit my knee so hard I was spun around and banged the other side of my knee on the floor.

I think I must've looked like a complete wuss down on the court screaming in pain, but shoot...it hurt! I've seen knees completely destroyed in pretty much the same manner; the all important ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) of the knee completely ruined. Luckily, doing what I do, I knew right away that it wasn't my ACL that I had messed up. Rather it turns out that I've torn the MCL (Medial Collateral Ligament) in my right knee. The "trainer" at the game started poking around my knee and asking me if it hurt...LoL. So as politely as I could - given the intense pain - I simply told him I was a physio and if he could just go get me some ice..hehe....poor guy meant well.

Anyway, that's my wonderful knee story. I know I'm a nerd, but I'm going to track my progress..hehe...so here it is...a glimpse into my wonderful life as a physiotherapist...if you're interested...heh:

Day 1

Subjective
24 yr old male (wildly attractive) seen today, no acute distress, c/o right knee pain
following a collision in a basketball game

Ojective
Moderate swelling, warm to touch, no bruising

Passive Range of Motion (PROM)
-10◦ Knee Extension
100◦ Knee Flexion
Endfeel: Empty
++ Pain at end range Knee Flexion & Extension

Active Range of Motion (AROM)
-15◦ knee Extension
90◦ Knee Flexion

Manual Muscle Testing (MMT)
Knee Extension: 2+ (out of 5)
Quads Lag: 15◦

Varus Stress Test
Positive for Right MCL instability of the knee
Solid endfeel, pain at endrange

September's Over

2005-10-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Well, september (hell-month) is now officially over, and I thought I could take it easy for a while, but since I missed so much class lately, I'm think behind again..hehe. Man, I don't think I've studied so hard, for such an extended period of time...EVER. Its been a pretty brutal month. People have been getting noticeably more cranky as the weeks went by and even a few are breaking down physically and getting sick and stuff.

I've been able to find my share of fun though...just through studying together, I've gotten a chance to really get to know some of my classmates well. I usually HATE studying with people, but I thought I'd make an exception, since our misery certainly deserved some company. A bunch of us stayed at school studying till late on Friday night and decided to treat ourselves to late night korean bbq....and this week we're going to Mandarin....and then Sushi buffet sometime. Hehe...I think maybe we might become those people that stuff their faces and eat their sorrows away.

Anyway, a sister from church sent me this verse from 2 Corinthians. I guess she had read my last blog posting and decided that I needed a little reminder, and to be honest...I really did need that, thanx! Wow, I've read 2 Corinthians many times, but never did these words really hit deep with everything that went on this past month.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I guess I just want to share with you guys why this verse has really inspired me:

"Therefore we do not lose heart."

Gosh...its such a simple message, there's not that much to it. So why is it so hard sometimes?

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

To be honest, in the last month or so I have felt pretty beat down at times. Physically I was wearing down. I was tired, I was sick, I was stressed...and on top of that I wasn't getting enough sleep each day to prepare for the next. And its funny, b/c your physical state contributes to your emotional and spiritual states as well. I'd be so tired that I'd pass out on the train in the morning, which is supposed to be my prayer/devo time. More importantly, I started compromising the time I set apart to recharge myself. And it really hit me as I read this passage that outwardly I was wasting away but I never took the time to be with God; to allow Him to renew me each and every morning.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

What I really think of when I read this is that despite all the work, I really do need to remind myself how awesome it is to be here. And at times when I'm sludging thru all this - sometimes meaningless - work at school, I don't think I fully appreciate that. Its hard not to get consumed with the suckiness constantly pulling 18 hr works days. At those times maybe its time to step back again and look at things with perspective. I try hard not to forget that I do have a greater purpose for being here - whether I can see that right now or not.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal"

Sometimes I do wish that I was out there shaking things up in the world a little bit more, and that my life would allow time for me to do that. But the reality is that there are times in this program where school just dominates my life. I have to admit that I do get a little bit jealous when other Christian brothers and sisters are involved in such vibrant ministries and it seems like I've just disappeared out of the radar since coming back home (or more accurately - I'm stuck at 500 University Ave slaving over books week after week). In the end, I am trying to remember that for me, what God has purposed for my life may still be yet to be seen. I know that God will call me to serve him through my career - and perhaps what I'm called to do at this moment is to prepare myself to be a great physio. So I've been trying more and more to see these 2 years as a prepatory phase; that God will open up abundant opportunites for me to serve His people when the time is right.

Random Thought: Thanx everyone who took time to ask how my grandma's doing. She's doing better now - recovering slowly, praise God she is improving.

Unexpected

2005-09-15T04:44:00.000-07:00

It seems like I always start my blogs now with "Sorry I haven't had a chance to post in a while"...so this time I won't! (except that I just did...heh) I don't think I'll commit to posting regularly anymore right now, I'd like to when I can, but I haven't had much chance to stop and think much lately - let alone sit down and write it out. Its hard to imagine that around this time in September in all my undergrad years, I probably still wouldn't have gotten my textbooks yet (and probably won't for another 2 weeks...hehe). Now back to reality, I'm almost exactly 1/2 way thru our neuro unit and its pretty much just been school night and day. 4 exams in 4 weeks, I know it doesn't sound all that bad, but just looking at the tired expressions of the faces of my classmates - its not tough to see that we're all pretty burnt. Well I guess for me, it hasn't exactly been school day and night, I procrastinate much more than I should, but hey, sometimes resting can be more productive in the long run than studying tired right? Either way, everything is slotted in nice and tightly so no unexpected things please.

I think I'm a little stressed these days, not so much with school, but with just trying to make sure everything in my life's taken care of - especially the unplanned for things. I spent most of last wednesday with my grandma in emergency at North York General Hospital. She had taken a fall and we found her on the ground in the morning. She was bleeding from a cut to the back of her head and it turned out she fractured her collarbone (and hip too - I am certain, although they didn't bother to x-ray that for some reason). I didn't go to school that day b/c we waited there for quite a while - as expected, but it was just one more thing that put me behind. I think she'll be ok - at least for the present - but I doubt that she'll be walking around by herself anytime soon, if ever again. Praise God though, she was REALLY lucky this time. Nobody really knows how long she had been lying on the ground by the time we got to her.

I think the hardest thing for me emotionally right now is that she's not fully understanding what's going on - other than that she hurts. She's developing a pressure ulcer on her back from lying on it too much - and I knew that was going to happen, yet I feel helpless b/c I honestly don't know how to help her prevent it. "Don't put weight on your left arm", "Don't put weight on your right leg", "Sit up in the chair", "Keep switching the sides you sleep on" Etc Etc Etc. Is she actually going to understand this? These things are so important, yet how can I expect a 94 year old to remember that, let alone actually DO it. Being the strong-willed person that she is, it must be tough not to be able to get out of her bed by herself right now. She was really angry for a while that we took her walker away, and it was really hard. Also b/c she's been getting more and more foggy and confused lately, its been hard to get her to do what is best for her now.

Its also been tiring emotionally b/c I've also tried to be the one to take the stress of all of this off my parents. Just trying to reassure them and let them know that things are going to be alrite. We already have 2 nurses coming by during the day to watch & take care of her. At night we take turns to make sure that one of us is home to watch her. But with my mom and dad working really long hours lately, that responsibility has pretty much fallen on me. I guess that makes the most sense in a lot of ways, especially since I'm probably the one with the most clinical experience in healthcare right now. I have worked with fractures in the elderly population (mostly related to falls). I know what to do, but I kinda still feel so helpless. I have all this clinical knowledge, but at the same time, this is my own grandmother y'know? I think I know what to expect, but in the end, I don't think I can ever really know what to expect y'know what I mean?

Anyway, this is prbly the most scatter brain posting ever...back to studying...pls pray for my exam on monday...no more unexpected things please...I don't think I can handle anymore...

Peas

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

2005-09-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends"

~ Green Day

Ah…the summer is officially over. Well I guess its been over for me for a while, but since everyone’s back at school now, it doesn’t make me feel so bad for being in classes anymore. Furthermore, I would like to announce that I’ve just finished my last anatomy bell-ringer exam that I’ll ever write (knock on wood) *applause* I’m done with the nasty stank of the cadaver lab!

Although anatomy's over, things are just picking up. I’m now officially 1/3rd of the way into this unit, which means exams and assignments and all that stuff are piling up. This weekend’s been pretty chill, but the prospect of all that school work kind of makes me feel more like this Green Day song. Just wake up when its all over..hehe

But let us celebrate August. August was a great month. Here are some pics to commemorate the month:

Big Al's 24th Bday (Baldy in the yellow shirt). L to R: Shaun, Greg, Me, Al, Tony. Apparently Tony is gesturing to something on his shoulder.

Co-workers (Vi & Michelle) from Toronto Social Services. They bought me dinner b/c I'm a "poor student" so I promised to pay tribute to them on my blog. Sigh...the good ol' times at ETSSS, doing nothing and getting paid BIG TIME for it =D

Good times lounging for Carmen's 24th. This is what Karen (right) is like after 1 drink. Carmen (middle) is her usual posed self, and apparently I'm always like this according to Fiona

P-I-M-P. (Actually this is Chris' Ordination banquet) Hehe...maybe I am always like this.

Part 1: L to R: Richard, Hana, Amelia, Bernie, Me, Bel, Henry. The story goes as this: One day a seemingly normal small group of friends decided to go out and celebrate their friend's (Bel) 27th Bday. Everyone was having fun and even the cake in the middle was proud to be part of this special occasion.

Part 2: Little did anyone know that in fact these friends were a secret ancient group of CAKE SACRIFICERS! Oh the humanity! The crime scene was almost too much to handle. Use a knife next time you mosnters! Man that was good cake.

Anyway, more pics later (surprising eh, since I don't own a digital camera..hehe). Cheers to August, Wake me up when September ends....peas

To know His Goodness

2005-09-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

So there goes my "commitment" to blogging...hehe. Although I think this thing called "school" had something to do with it. I had intended to post something earlier this week. It was to start off like this: "I should be studying right now…but I'm having one of those moments where I have a lot of stuff on my mind, and I need to clear my head by writing it down so I can get back to studying. To be honest, that hasn't happened to me too much this summer. Hehe…it might be one of those cases where I tell my brain: "I don't need you right now, so don't bother me alrite?" Hence the lack of really any indepth posting this summer…"

But for some reason the rest of what I wrote just seemed like the ranting of a stressed out student. So I didn't post it. And I went back to studying…hehe. Its hard to believe that as everyone prepares to go back to school, I am already into my 5th week. Am I stressed? I dunno. I don't think so? Maybe a little? Perhaps it is not simply the schoolwork that stresses me out. I mean I have my big neuroanatomy bell-ringer exam this Friday and there's tonnes more I still don't know, but I'm not terribly stressed about it. In the past, I've always found a way to cram in all the studying I needed before I write exams – even if its up to the very last minute. Besides, its not how much you know 2 weeks before the exam, its how much you know the day of right?

I think the thing that gets me is that I always seem to have some sort of struggle or personal challenge at times where I have the least amount of time to deal with them. I'm not talking about huge personal battles or nothing. I have to admit that some things are petty, some things are not so much, but the fact is that all of this stuff that sits in my mind and distracts me from going about my normal routine efficiently. Its consuming, its draining, its frustrating, and the very fact that it bothers you for more than 1 second has meant that in a way it has already triumphed over you.

Something happened tonight though that made me sit back and think. I went to tonite's worship team practice expecting the worst, because I had just received emails before I left school from a couple of team members saying they couldn't make it to practice. I headed uptown facing the possibility of have only three – yup THREE – players on the team for this Sunday's worship. Obviously I wasn't very happy having to deal with this at a time where all my conscious energy should've been focussing on neuroanatomy. But a funny thing happened, when practice time rolled around. Some people I hadn't expected to show up did, and through some creative reshuffling, I ended up with a full team of seven – yup SEVEN – members.

Sometimes I wonder why I still approach things as if God will not pull through. He always does. It is shameful for me to spend so much time consumed with problem after problem, when God simply asks us to first come before Him and to lose ourselves in His peace. After practice tonight, I decided I needed a break from studying for the night, so I sat at my window with my guitar worshiping. It something I haven't done in a long time. I remember praying afterward. I had a whole agenda on my prayer list, but somehow I felt compelled just to kneel at my bed and ask over and over to simply dwell in His Goodness once again; to know His Goodness in my life.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

~ Psalm 23

ZZZzzzzzzz

2005-08-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

Going to school in August not only sucks, its incredibly tiring.

Last night I had one of those sleeps where you wake up wondering if you even slept at all. I think I did pass out for the entire night, but I woke up this morning suprisingly easy, like I slept very lightly or I had something on my mind (but I didn’t). I honestly had to think for a moment or two about whether I had really fallen asleep or whether I just tuned out from conscious thought for a little while. There was none of that satisfying grogginess that comes after rising from a deep rest. And sure enough, wandering to the bathroom this morning, I saw in the mirror something I've never seen before - huge bags under my eyes. Me being the nerd that I am, I immediately started to think of physiological reasons for this occurrence..hehe...but the fact of the matter is that I'm not getting very good rest lately.

Perhaps I was spoiled all of last week from condo-sitting at Henry's place. I knew that once I’ve had a taste of living downtown, it’d be so much harder to go back to waking up at 6:15 am to commute to school. I mean, one night last week, I 1) went to a lounge for Carmen’s bday, 2) went back to henry’s condo to watch tv for a couple hours, 3) got a full night’s sleep, 4) worked out in the morning AND STILL made it to school on time. That is crazy! Usually when I get home, my brain shuts down after an hour of working and then I’m done for the rest of the night, only to get up early the next morning to do it all over again.

I've started skipping my morning workouts lately too, not b/c I'm lazy, but b/c I think my body's having enough trouble encorporating the amount of sleep I get into maintaining normal function - let alone trying to place even more stress on it. The more you workout, the more you need to sleep to make sure your body recovers properly. I’ve been taking naps at lunch time lately on a plinth at school and trusting that my classmates would come wake me up…hehe.

My "no studying till the end of the real summer" policy has crashed and burned big time, but is being replaced by a "no studying on weekends till the end of the real summer" policy. Its a milder version of the first, yet a good compromise given the circumstances and all. My first neuroanatomy bell-ringer is the week after labour day.

Through everything though, surprisingly I find myself much more productive now than when I was on placements. Even though I have much less free time now, I’m accomplishing a lot more now than in the summer – school and otherwise. I think it has to do with this whole "routine" thing. Hehe...maybe I am a structured person...I need my regular schedule to make sure things are done. During the summer, I found that I wasn't on as much of a time pressure...I had random pockets of free time where I didn't have anything to do. And therefore this kind of translated into not getting much done at all - including the things that I needed to do.

Anyway, I’ll finish here, I’m on a schedule. Off to start another week…cheers!

Random Thought: God Bless retroactive pay! I received a $2800 cheque for the City of Toronto last week. Upon further investigation, I found out that they raised the pay of the position I worked for at Social Services to $19/hr and through some union deal or something, I was getting paid the difference for my two summers there! I was seriously running low…with no income coming in until Nov. 2006 for sure. But as always God provides! =D Let’s go on a trip!..hehe..j/k…for now…=D

I can't believe I got paid $19/hr to do what I did at Social Services...SWEET!

Going to School in August Sucks

2005-08-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

Going to school in August sucks.

Here I am, sitting in the computer lab on a rainy August Friday morning. Its only just before 9:00 am and already people on msn are messaging and asking me why I'm up so early. If they only knew that my day had already started hours ago. The truth is usually by this time in the morning, I'll have already gotten up, had breakfast, did my devos/prayer, made my way to school, worked out, showered, and I'm probably sitting in the computer lab waiting for classes to start. But I usually just tell people I’m at school early in the morning and that already seems to blow people away.

Going to school in August sucks.

They only gave us 2 weeks off after placements and now they throw us back into hardcore school mode with our neuroscience unit for these next few months. My whole “anti-studying until summer is actually over” policy is not working out very well for me. Only 1.5 weeks in and I've already cracked. Everybody's been working crazily hard since school's started and they all seem to know so much more than me. Maybe I’ll go buy my textbooks tomorrow. I’m tired of knowing jack in lab while people around me make remarks like: "Oh yes, why of course that is the fasiculus gracilis...that one’s obvious". I just tend agree with everyone..hehe (interestingly, I actually do know where the fasiculus gracilis is now…LoL)

Going to school in August sucks.

Here’s a little neuro-nerd talk from me. Right now I think I'm suffering from anencephaly (a birth defect that means "absence of a brain"). Probably a little prefrontal lobe damage (among other things, affects motivation) and throw in a small lesion to the wernicke's area of my brain (causes you to have trouble understanding things). I have just described to you my current situation here at school using neuroanatomical terms =D Maybe I know a little more than I think I do!

All complaining aside, its not so bad seeing my classmates again. But I have absolutely no background in neuroscience, so I gotta work my butt off this term to catch up with everyone else. I love the challenge though, and this new stuff is phenomenal! It just amazes me more every time I study the stuff. The more I learn about the human body, the more I am constantly in awe of God’s creation. More from Neuro to come, see you all…at school…

Back to School

2005-08-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

Its nice to see ya again "6:15 am", my good friend. Its hard to believe that summer for me is over and school's starting once again…for the last time…dundundun. So here I am, as usual at 8 am before the first day of class, withering away in the computer lab, for class does not start for more than an hour. The usual crew is here, the "Breakfast Club" as we like to call ourselves, the students who come from too far away and arrive way too early. Although classes are starting again, I am by no means finished summer mode nor am I at all ready for school. It’s a little scary that I'm looking at schedule for Day 2: Neurophysiology and Neuroanatomy...I think I'm already falling behind..hehe. But regardless of school, August was already going to be the most busiest month of my summer. Here are some of the things I'm still working on this month:

Working Out

Call it efficient time management, or maybe b/c I am no longer satisfied with my physical capabilities as an athlete - or maybe both, but I have decided to train at school every morning before class. I'm focussing mostly on my legs as I can train my upper body at home. I'll be doing some cardio, some strength training and some plyos. Who wants to join me at Hart House at 8:00 am Monday to Friday???

HCCF Reunion BBQ

As I have witnessed CCF change so much in the last few years, it's always been a dream of mine for the new generation of HCCF-ers to see where CCF evolved from, and meet those who paved the way before us. In the same way, I always find it fascinating to talk to older HCCF alumni, filling them in on what's happening with CCF now. I think this BBQ will be a great way for the older CCF-ers to stay connected with the fellowship and for the younger CCF-ers to meet those that made this fellowshp possible for them. Everyone from HCCF 2000 to froshies for next year are invited, I hope they all show up for some sun, fun and foooood. ALL ARE WELCOME!

August Outreach

This month is the 2nd annual August Outreach month at our church. Its kinda a kool way to finish off the summer. We've already handed out about 6000 flyers around in the area and the yard sale (Aug 13 @ HCEFC – 10:00am) is certain to draw crowds of people from the community. My biggest job is to get worship happenin' for this month. Worship Team's been practising hard…please pray that we can inspire our congregation and newcomers with our worship!

Cleaning House

I'm officially ridding my house of garbage. I can't stand it anymore...so in the past few weeks I’ve spent time cleaning the house and throwing away junk that we don’t need. And what a perfect time to unload all our garbage to the community yard sale! I found some OLD stuff in my house yo. LoL…I’m talking about “haven’t-been-opened-since-we-got-off-the-boat” type of stuff. Man, seriously, where does 21 years go…?

Ordination Ceremony

Later on this month, all three of the pastors at our church are going to be ordained as Reverends. Its unheard of that all 3 of our pastors - each representing a different generation of people in our church - are getting ordained at the very same time! It’s a great sign of unity and that our church is finally heading in the right direction. I heard there's going to be like 600 people at the ceremony, what a party that’s going to be! And we get the opportunity to lead worship =D

Guitar Lessons

Guitar lessons are still going strong. Crazy...I made $600 THIS MONTH (for fundraising) teaching guitar for 3 hrs a week. I think I may have a new part time job this skool year =D

Longer-Term Projects

Christian Rehab students joining Medical Christian Fellowship?

Over one sushi buffet lunch, this very cool idea was born. I've actually been praying this past year about potentially starting a Rehab Sciences Christian Fellowship at my building. It’s something I have a real burden for, but somehow I felt that I wouldn't be able to commit the time to run the whole fellowship this year, since we have placements scattered throughout the year so we won't always be around and stuff. But with Henry being a part of the leadership at MCF, this merger won't be that hard to accomplish. I'm excited!

Personal Trainer Certification

I think that being a certified personal trainer would be a perfect complement to being a physio. Since a relationship’s already been developed, it wouldn’t be that hard to convince patients I treat to stay onboard so I can keep training them. It’s a good way to build up clientale! After reading the certification manual, its a joke compared to my 5 years in university. Soon my friends, I will get paid to yell at people =D

Inter-CCF Volleyball Tournament

Inspired by the recent inter-CCF basketball, I want to organize a tournament for my first love: Volleyball! I talked to Peter Lau from AFC about it, and he seems to like the idea. If it does happen, it won't be for a while, for sure not this summer...but still...volleyball... awwwergerghghgergh... *drool*

Ari (2002 - 2005)

2005-08-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

The Siu family is saddened to announce that after a long battle with leukemia, our dear cat, Ari, has passed away. She was to turn 3 years old next month. It was somewhat sudden, but not unexpected I guess. We all knew that we were fighting a losing battle with her from the beginning, because there is no cure for this type of feline disease. She was diagnosed in March of 2004, and though she was initially given only a few weeks to live, she fought for another 1 ½ years. She fought right until the end; with every last ounce of strength she had in her body. She has always been a fighter.

To be honest, a little part of me is glad that my mother was in Hong Kong through all of this and didn’t have to watch Ari deteriorate. Yes, she still had to deal with her death, but I know that she would not have been able to handle seeing our cat the way she was in the past few days. Her body was shutting down and she had lost nearly ½ of her body weight. Perhaps even sparing my mother of witnessing this was God’s prerogative. At least she can remember Ari the way that she was before she got sick.

I know, I guess it’s a little silly to talk about an animal as if she were a person, but everything that’s happened in the last few days has made me think a little bit. It’s made me wonder whether even a tiny animal like Ari can have some sort of life purpose; maybe a little piece of the puzzle in God’s overall plan for us. Ari certainly had a purpose in our family. It's hard to describe, but for the last 3 years, she has brought our family together. There was so much joy in taking care of her, playing with her, laughing at her. As much as we’ve given her a chance to live a full life, she has also enriched ours as a family, especially for my parents.

I am a firm believer that even animals can experience the presence of God. Doesn’t it make sense that our Lord would give all of His creation some sort of inherent ability to recognize Him, their Creator? It makes me wonder then, if animals can experience love, for our God is a God of Love. I hope so, because our family loved her so much. I take comfort in knowing that we never gave up on her – even when most others would have, the vet said – and we tried our best to love and look after God’s creature; to give her a fighting chance to live a great life.

How many are your works, O LORD!
In wisdom you made them all;
the earth is full of your creatures.

These all look to you
to give them their food at the proper time.

When you give it to them,
they gather it up;
when you open your hand,
they are satisfied with good things.

When you hide your face,
they are terrified;
when you take away their breath,
they die and return to the dust.

When you send your Spirit,
they are created,
and you renew the face of the earth.

Psalms 104:24,27-30

You were loved so much Ari, by all of us.

FREEDOM!

2005-07-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

So I’m finally done my 10 weeks of placement at Southlake and NYGH. I honestly loved every minute of it! Though by the end, I think I was ready for a vacation. It’s not that things weren’t stimulating, b/c there were always new things to see! But I just couldn’t keep up the constant focus & attention that I needed to learn new things and make sure I treat patients properly. So as I enjoy my 2 weeks of freedom, here are some randoms from my last 10 weeks:

Real Life Stories in the ICU

These past few weeks, my school knowledge really became real, as I had the opportunity to deal with real patients, with real problems and real needs. I also learned that there is so much more to healthcare than just simply treating the problem at hand. I think I witnessed everything in the spectrum from drug overdoses to suicide attempts, really sick people demanding to go home to people faking illnesses just so they could stay longer, people who were homeless to foreign people who just didn’t have the money to pay for a hospital room in ICU (which costs $2000/day btw). I guess it's a part of healthcare that you don't see so much in class.

Case Conference

In the last week of my first placement, I participated in my first case conference as a PT. This conference was held together with the family to discuss discharge options with one of my own patients, I was called to come in to give my opinion on how functionally independent my patient was, and how much I believed she’d be able to progress in the next few weeks or months. Unfortunately, I had to switch hats for a bit – from Gary-the-encourager to Gary-the-deliverer-of-harsh-reality. The sad truth was that she wasn’t ready to go home from the hospital yet, not even close. Every day she’d tell me that she was hoping to go home the next, and every day I’d encourage her, knowing full well that she wasn’t going anywhere fast. It was difficult, b/c how do you work with someone every day, tell them they’re doing great, and then turn around and crush their hopes like that? I guess that is the nature of the profession sometimes, and I knew very well that later that day, I’d have to walk back into her room again as Gary-the-encourager to do her daily exercises with her. The kool thing though, was that the family really did seem to trust me out of all the other healthcare professionals there b/c I was the one that worked with her everyday. Later, the husband pulled ME aside out of everyone and asked me to lay things out to him, “Man to Man”. I guess you can never really put a price on that trust that is built between a therapist and a patient just by working with them everyday.

2 Ladies

One day, my clinical instructor referred me to see 2 ladies, both staying in the same hospital room, both with the same type of surgery, both done on the same day. I knew that they would probably go through the exact same type of treatment plan, so I decided I would use that to my advantage and have them encourage one another. It was pretty fun, and they did end up supporting one another, spurring each other on and “competing” in a very light-hearted type of way. Little did I know, before they left (both on the same day, naturally..hehe) they called my supervisor in and asked to have a say in my final evaluation. When my supervisor told me that, I couldn’t help but crack a smile, though I tried not to be too pleased (hehe…I wonder if that would be unprofessional?). It was an extremely rewarding feeling that they would make a point to bring my supervisor in so that they could be part of my evaluation.

Ice Bags

Sometimes I like to give my patients ice before and after treatment, just to control their pain and to decrease the swelling. So after giving my patient some ice one time, I took the ice bags off to treat her, leaving them on the floor…where they sat – melting & forgotten…until the next morning in one big puddle of water on the floor. It wasn’t until one of the patients noticed, that someone came to clean it up. My patients were pretty kool though, we all giggled about it and they promised not to tell my supervisor. Whew!...talk about an easy way to fail your placement!

My Name is...WHAT?

Is my name really that hard? Seems like I’ve been called everything BUT my real name. Here are a list of the things I’ve been called at placement in the last 10 weeks:

"Greg", “Jerry”, “Hey Kid”, “Young Man”, “The PT”, “Stapping Young Lad”, “Hey You”, “Doctor”, “Tom” (what the…?)

And my personal favourite: “Sweet, Sweet Gary”

Grocery List

2005-07-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

You knew this was going to happen…

So in a way this wasn’t my fault…

You knew I’ve done this before…

How could you trust me with something like this…

Yup! It’s finally happened again! More than a year after coming home from living on my own, I’m once again…A COOK! Since my mom and Henry left for HK this morning, it’s up to the rest of us to fend for ourselves to make sure we eat properly…or at all…hehe. Gah...cooking...I remember that...I think...

Me and Winnie were in charge of dinner tonight, so after work, we headed on our own to the grocery store…Like old times! =D Our mom’s been on this eating healthy thing for the past while, so I guess we owed it to her to shop responsibly and eat healthy. When the dust settled, here is what we walked away from “Joe’s Food Basic” with this evening:

- 8 Whole wheat hamburger buns
- 2 cartons of Tropicana juice.
- 1 bag of Jalapeno Nacho Chips
- 1 jar of Tostitos Medium Spicey Salsa
- 1 box of Kellog’s Breakfast Bars
- 1 bag of McCain Tasti-tators stuffed with cheese
- 4 Nestle Vanilla and Caramel IceCream Drumsticks

Darn! And we started off so good with the whole wheat buns too! But never fear!...There is indeed a moral to this story. The morals are three-fold:

1) Never go grocery shopping when you're absolutely starving
2) Never trust me to go grocery shopping alone...or with Winnie...

But most importantly, the most valuable thing I've learned tonight was:

3) If we eat it ALL before she comes back, mom will never know!

Marianne Williamson

2005-07-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,

Gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

People won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others."

~ Marianne Williamson

Part of the Job...

2005-07-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

People don't really like to talk about it much, but I guess it’s just a reality in the place where I work…

Where I work, some people I find don’t like to interact too much with their patients. They say that allowing yourself to get too close just makes things hard, affects your judgement and stuff. To be honest, I have never really truly been able to understand that. How could I NOT care about the patients that I treat? That goes against everything I believe; everything that I WANT out of my career as a PT.

But I think I understood better today, even if it’s just maybe a little bit.

I had this one patient who I had gotten to know pretty well – as well as you can know someone who’s always been unconscious I guess. Her situation saddened me, she was in pretty bad shape and day after day she spent just isolated in her room. She was alone. No family, no friends, no one came to visit her; to comfort her and to tell her things would be alright. So very early on I decided that she would be a patient that I would make sure to pray for, and that I did…every single night. Then each morning I’d hold my breath as I entered the unit, for if her name was still on the board, that meant she survived another night.

Today, I was supposed to observe a tracheotomy that was being for her. It’s a fairly routine operative procedure – so minor that most of the time it’s done in the patient’s hospital room instead of in the OR. I was told to be back after lunch to watch the “operation”, but when I showed up I was told the surgeon had come early and they had already started. I decided not to go in b/c these procedures don’t take a lot of time so they were probably finished most of the interesting stuff anyway. I decided just to watch from outside the room.

That’s when it happened. “PATIENT'S CRASHED!” is all I heard.

I don’t think you need to be in healthcare to understand what that meant. I looked up at her vitals to see her heart rate plummet into the low 20’s, and then disappear all together. Everybody started busily working on something in the room. The nurse started CPR. The doctor called out for us to get her some chest tubes. Insane amounts of epinephrine (to increase heart rate & blood pressure) was given until they ran out and had to go to other floors to get more.

The whole time everyone seemed eerily emotionless, so calm, cool and collected.

Nobody seemed panicked, everybody just went about their respective jobs with focus and efficiency. It wasn't like in the movies, where the staff is all panicked, the doctor has beads of sweat coming out of his forehead, and people are raising curses to futility of the situation. Nobody even flinched as they lost her, rather they simply began to pack everything up. It was truly a very strange sight to see, one that would make you believe that all the people present were heartless and cold.

But what made things even more strange was that right after this emergency, we sat down for an educational session (that had been planned all along) on tissue/organ donations. At the end, we watched a tear-jerking video of a woman named “Bambi” who lost her life waiting for a heart transplant. To my surprise, the very same people who seemed to feel nothing while my patient died, started to cry at the movie! It made no sense to me! How could they be so moved by some sappy movie of some stranger they didn’t know, yet so unaffected at watching someone pass away in front of their very eyes – someone who they had treated for an entire month???

I remember something my clinical instructor had told me once: people who work in the ICU sometimes have this dark sense of humour.

They joke about death! They treat it lightly. As if it wasn’t a big deal. It surprised me a little at first, but the more time I spent here, the more I’ve come to understand at least a little bit better. It seems that their dark sense of humour is not reflective of how little they care about a patient, rather it really is a coping mechanism, a way to deal with the things that they see everyday. They find a way that works for them to detach; to separate themselves from the reality of the situation at hand. I guess I have come to understand, and maybe not judge so much when people choose to cope in other ways.

Going into physiotherapy, I never really expected that I would have to deal much with death. Sickness & disease maybe…de-conditioning for sure, but I never thought I as a therapist would have to be placed in too many situations of life and death. I guess school can never prepare us for something like this. Going in, I did promise myself that I would rather feel the pain 100 times, than be a person who’s desensitized to this whole thing. In fact, today was not the first time a patient has passed away in the ICU since I’ve been here, but I think I felt it more b/c she was the first patient to go that I had been treating regularly. More importantly she was someone that I had been praying for everyday.

Did I allow myself to get too attached? I don't know...maybe...

But strangely enough, I’m not sure what I feel right now. To be honest, I don’t really feel anything. Except a little awkward, at not knowing how I feel. My normal life resumed immediately, b/c after work today, I went to 2nd cup, worked out, went to Fitness Depot, went out for sushi and dropped my friend off at Finch station. That doesn’t really seem like something I’d do if I was really disturbed by all of this. Maybe I have already in a way subconciously detached myself from my work. Hmm…I hope not. I think I would still rather take it too hard, than to not be affected by these things at all.

All part of the job I guess…

Great Song!

2005-07-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

G: Once again I find myself with too many things to write about and not enough time to write about them. So here is a song that I've recently been introduced to. I only started listening to it tonight, but I love the lyrics. Enjoy, peaz =D

Magnificent Obsession – Steven Curtis Chapman

Lord, You know how much
I want to know so much
In the way of answers and explanations
I have cried and prayed
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life’s complications
All this pursuing leaves me feeling like
I’m chasing down the wind
But now it’s brought me back to You
And I can see again

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I’ve never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You’ve shown me
Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains

You are everything I want
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desiresLord,
I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You

The Patient Who Liked Me, But Didn't Like Me

2005-06-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

I guess sometimes it’s hard to tell if a person really likes you. People have different ways of expressing it. I had a patient who I thought hated to see me. He was this old man who groaned and complained and refused to get up every day when I came in to walk him. One day he was well enough to transfer out of the ICU, off my floor and to another part of the hospital with another therapist. My supervisor thought it’d be good for me to keep tabs on him, so I went to his floor one day to check on him. He greeted me with:

“I’m mad at you. You sent girls (the physios on that floor) to see me”. (hehe…nice, at least he misses me).

- But when I told him I was there to walk him and try him doing stairs that day, he returned to his usual grumbly self. Based on his last comment to me I tried to go for one of these:

“Alright, I'll make you a deal, let's talk man to man”.

- Bad move. I saw his eyes bug out as he replied to me:

“Man to man?? Gary, how old are you...27?”

“Twenty-four”, I replied.

“Gary, are you good at math? What is three times your age?”

“ummm…seventy-two”.

“So three times your age is SEVENTY-TWO! And then I’d still have many years on you!”

- "Oh Crap", I thought to myself, "I’ve totally offended this guy. He’s never gonna move for me again. He’ll lie in this bed forever while his strength deteriorates, his muscles atrophy and he’ll become a vegetable. And it’ll all be my fault! Not to mention I’m gonna fail my placement and drop out of my program…what am I gonna do?...I guess I could always be a drug dealer...that's a pretty noble profession..."

- But on my way out he gave me a wink said:

“Gary, I like ya kid, you’re alright. We'll do some stairs tomorrow.”

- Nice.

Random Thought: I went to my second “Stress Relief” workshop today (see June 23rd). It was boring as hell, but I needed a coffee bad, and they had free coffee. Free cookies too. So I endured the painful 45 min lecture to score some free food. Does that make me cheap or resourceful? I am a coffee prostitute...I'm hideous!....Don't look at meeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Adventures of the NYG

2005-06-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

G: Last Friday I said goodbye to good ol’ Southlake Regional Healthcare Centre. This following Monday, I started my Cardiorespiratory placement in the Critical Care Unit at North York General Hospital. Most of the PT’s here actually seem pretty young, definitely a change from Southlake. Although my clinical instructor’s name was Cornelia, so I figured she’d probably be quite old…and she was =( Oh well… She wasn’t there the first day, but on the 2nd day, she did show up and man, there was no easing my way into things! Just a couple days in and already I can see that this placement is completely different than my previous one. If I ever thought things were tough in my first placement, it’s a breeze compared to now. Things seem to be really INTENSE here in the ICU at NYGH. Or maybe it just seems that way b/c I don’t know anything yet and I barely know what they’re talking about half the time. I think I’m expected to know a lot more than I do, b/c she's already she’s sending me in to see patients all by myself!

Shhhhhhh….don’t tell anyone I don’t know what I’m doing…

Cute PT =D

On my first day, I arrived to find that my clinical instructor was away for the day sick, so I was going to have to follow another PT around. Instead of working the ICU, I ended up in the neurology unit of the hospital treating stroke patients, which was really interesting! We haven’t done our neuro unit in school yet, so I was more of a liability than anything...hehe. Fortunately for ME, the PT I was following around was this really cute girl a few years older, who was Irish but strangely enough had a South African accent =D So the day was kind of a waste, except for the fact that I got to follow around this cute PT. What a productive day =D

“Working”

If my first day seemed kinda random for me, I’m sure it definitely was just as random for the staff there who had to figure out what to do with me. I felt like I was just slowing everyone down and getting in the way – which I was – but at least it wasn’t my fault…hehe. They sent me for a couple hours down to the library to “read”. So I just ended up reading the newspaper, emailing people and walking around the hospital and stuff. I was going to visit Uncle Calvin, but then I forgot which floor he worked. I was also going to look up the charts on my dad’s recent visits to Emergency, but then I realized I didn’t have access to those. Hehe…so boring...thank goodness for that cute PT =D

“Don’t Pull Anything Out!"

I know I joke about how you guys are all going to be my patients one day, but I hope with all my heart that I never get to see any of you where I’m working now. The thing about the ICU is that – as my friend Jenny eloquently puts it – everybody seems like they’re about to die on you. Of course, it just appears that way, people seem to have this amazing resiliency to survive. That being said, it is called “critical care” for a reason; we are pretty much dealing with the sickest of the sick. It’s pretty intimidating to go in to do physio on a patient who has monitors set up everywhere, lines and catheters and ventilators and tubes going in and out and all around to all different parts of their body. I learned very quickly that the #1 rule in the ICU is: “Don’t pull anything out!”

Isolation

A couple times we had to treat a patient who was in complete isolation. It’s like almost a scene from the movie “Outbreak”. Before seeing the patient, we had to put on 1) gown 2) gloves 3) hairnet 4) N-95 facemask 5) googles AND 6) face shield on top of all that. The room was negatively pressurized so that air doesn’t circulate around, it gets sucked out and new air from a different vent comes in. That was kool!

China-man Skills

My china-man heritage has proven to be quite useful already. I knew in my first placement in Newmarket that there probably wouldn’t be too many Chinese people, but in my first couple days here I’ve already been commissioned as an impromptu translator. Trying to do physio in Cantonese is HARD! I’m hoping to do a placement in Hong Kong next January, but I’m gonna have to figure how to say all these physio terms in Cantonese before I go..hehe.

Leisure: more than just fun and games!

At the hospital, sometimes I get to go to educational sessions at lunch time. They’re really neat to sit in and listen to. I’ve already been to talks about Severe Sepsis and COPD management. When there was one on “Stress Relief”, it sounded really interesting so I jumped at the opportunity again. Turns out to be this really flakey existentialistic workshop where there was like 8 old ladies, 1 old guy and me. They made us stand around in a circle and throw balls around to each other. How...stimulating... At the end, they made us sign one of these to "commit to playing":

A personal prescription for leisure:

For the next _____ I will play, recreate or try:_____. I will start this ____ and ask ____ to support and remind me of this commitment. Some of the positive outcomes that will occur by engaging in this leisure pursuit are: ____________ When I have obtained a high level of satisfaction I intend to raise the bar by: ________. Signature: ________

G: What an odd but interesting first 4 days at NYGH =D

Blogging Hiatus (Here is some of my old unposted stuff)

2005-06-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

G: Sorry for the blogging hiatus. But yes, I am still alive & kickin! I currently seem to be having a lil’ period where I’m not as motivated to write – nor have the time to. Summer’s been steadily busy, but very enjoyable at the same time. I guess it’s better sometimes to go out and live life, rather than sit here writing about it! So this is something I wrote a little while back but never got around to posting. It was at a time where I was struggling with the futility of just trying to be a loving person and not seeing the fruits of that. Strangely enough, months laters I come across my own writings at a point where I seem to be battling the same type of discouragement again. It's almost like mentoring yourself...hehe

Love

You ever have those times where you feel as if you just can’t love anymore? Maybe a peer’s getting on your very last nerve, or someone close to you has hurt you deeply. Or maybe it’s simply that there are so many people’s burdens out there to bear that it seems physically and emotionally impossible to share your love with everyone whom you want to be able to help. You begin to feel as if your well is running dry, empty and depleted of “love reserve”. I’ve been sorta feeling like that a little bit lately; a little less tolerant, a little more irritable, like I'm not loving enough and I’m not really sure why. I look at all the things that Paul describes love as (1 Corinthians) and I wonder to myself, “Gosh, can I really do that?”

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

A couple months ago I sat in at a lunch with my church's missions team to listen to a missionary from China share her experiences. (I won’t mention her name…just b/c I have no idea if that’s violating some secrecy code or something..heh). What really stuck with me was one particular thing she mentioned about her mission work. She shared with us a time in her work where the “honeymoon” period was over and she just felt really dry inside. All the excitement of being a missionary in a new country, meeting new people and encountering a new culture had long passed, leaving her with simply the reality of her daunting task in China: to love and meet the needs of God’s people there. She shared about getting dry, not really wanting to leave her house, and becoming cynical of the beggars on the street and stuff like that. The honeymoon period was definitely over. Where was the love?

At some point along the way, she continued, she realized that she was trying to love others through her own love and not God’s. Long story short, that moment of revelation really rejuvenated her and restored the passion she once had for those around her. It’s a concept that I’ve never really thought about like that before. Is it possible that we can be loving people out of our own love rather than God’s? Isn’t it all just the same? The more I sat there and listened, the more it started to make sense to me, and the more I began to understand why I myself have been having trouble loving people lately.

I believe that we were all made to be loving creatures, in the image of Love Almighty itself. I think that whether you believe in a God of Love or not, we all have this amazing capacity to love that is ingrained into our very nature. There are lots of human beings out there in this world – Christians and Non-Christians – that are capable of huge acts of love and kindness, of sacrifice and compassion. But in the end, I guess our own love is still imperfect, it is still limited and it can still run dry. I can see now that there are times when I have tried to love people out of my own love and not God’s. I don’t think that’s a horrible thing, but inevitably there is a limit to how much we can love others out of our own sheer will. I found that there were times that I just didn’t have enough juice left when loving became hard, or it didn’t produce any fruit. When we try to do it all ourselves; relying purely on our own strength; and drawing from our own reservoir, we hit a point where our tank becomes empty. That’s when we feel like we can’t do it anymore; and that for whatever reason our task is too arduous or difficult for us.

But there is hope! GOD’s well is infinite, HIS love perfect and complete. When we love others with God’s love, we are not merely relying on our own limited reserve of love, rather we are drawing directly from Love itself, wholly and perfectly, limitless and infinite. Remember that it is HIS Love living in us, made COMPLETE in us and working THROUGH us.

“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” ~ 1 John 4:16

Adventures at Southlake

2005-05-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

With all the craziness that’s been goin' on in the last little while, it’d hard to imagine that I’ve already completed 2 weeks of my placement at Southlake Regional Healthcare Centre. Midterm evals are due in a couple days! For the last 2 weeks (and the next 3), I've worked on the inpatient orthopaedics floor, meaning we generally work with patients starting from 2-3 hrs post-op until they are discharged about a week later. The surgeries we see the most are total hip and knee replacements, which is kool because I can’t seriously hurt anybody =D Anyway, here are some randoms from my first couple of weeks:

Monday (day 1): First day…craziness…I can’t do this…I’m so tired.

Tuesday (day 2): My newly acquired parking pass did not work today, and of course on a day that I was already late for work. I ended up strolling in almost a ½ hr late…great impression..hehe

Wednesday (day 3): I saw my first patient by myself today! It was pretty nerve wracking, though it was just asking questions and taking a simple patient history. I went to the bathroom to be by myself to pray before I went in. She ended up being really nice though, a middle-aged highschool teacher who understood how to encourage a learning student and gave me a warm smile throughout the whole process. We even chatted casually for a few minutes, and I shared with her my fears of being on placement for the first time. By the end, it really seemed as if she had helped me out, not the other way around. Thank you, Ms. Schoolteacher.

Thursday (day 4): As the only young guy on my floor, I have become used to being called “strapping young lad” or something to that extent. The other PT’s always joke about how the old ladies always seem to work harder for me than them. Today, an old lady told me she thought I was really handsome. I was flattered! Then she proceeded to look over and started randomly talking to an area of the room where there was nobody standing. I later found out that she has vision problems and can barely see! Doh. How humbling...

Tuesday (day 6): When I came back from the long weekend, I found out that the schoolteacher was REALLY unexpectedly discharged over the weekend. She must’ve improved so drastically in those few days that they figured she was ready for home. It's a good feeling b/c she could barely sit up in her bed a few days ago, I had to move her leg for her, and now she's ready to go home! I have to admit, a little part of me was really expecting that she’d leave a little note for me or something. Hehe…I’m a nerd.

Wednesday (day 7): Today I had an opportunity to watch a bilateral total knee replacement surgery! It was really kool to see how they do it, but man were they rough with the body! With all those power tools going, drilling/sawing/hammering away, you’d seriously think they were doing renovations if you didn’t know it was an operating room.

Thursday (day 8): I started thinking about something funny in my head as I was talking to my supervising PT. I started grinning like an idiot as we were discussing a patient's past medical history, which was serious. Idiot...

Friday (day 9): Our clinical supervisor put on a pedometer to count how many steps she took in one day. She had 1100 by the end of the day! No wonder I’m so tired by 4:30!!

G: Working in a hospital for the first time really makes what I’ve learned all year real and puts it into some sort of context. The biggest thing I’ve noticed in the past couple of weeks is that motivation is so fundamental to the healing process. I have witnessed 80+ yr old ladies screaming and crying, yet they press on with their exercises, while men less than ½ their age simply refuse to get out of bed in the morning. Needless to say those ladies got out of the hospital quicker. It is incredible how human drive and sheer determination – or lack of, for that matter – can affect one’s recovery. After such aggressive surgeries, most of our patients need to learn how to walk again, something most of us take for granted. You’d be surprised how great a victory 4 or 5 simple steps can be, if it meant the difference b/w getting to the bathroom or having to pee in front of the nurse again. In that sense, I really believe that being a PT is the right profession for me, as I get to walk alongside a patient everyday (literally and symbolically) as they struggle, and rejoice with them in each new success. I have yet to see a doctor spend more than 30 seconds with a patient, though I understand that the nature of their job is much different than mine.

I have to admit that as a PT, trying to push people along has been hard, b/c at times, I just wished so badly that I could tell them that they can stop, that they shouldn’t have to suffer anymore; that a couple more steps or a couple more degrees won’t matter. But I know that I need to be tough with them, b/c in my heart I know that allowing them to settle for anything less than what they are capable of is a disserve to them. As a result, I have come to terms with the fact that patients associate me with pain (they’ve told me so!), and dread my presence no matter how pleasant I try to be, or despite the fact that I am there trying to help them. In the end though, I am lovin’ being a PT and learning each and every day how to love and serve God’s people with my job =D

I am inexpressibly honoured and humbled that out of everything I could be doing with my life, that God would call me to be…a Healer.

CC 2005 - Aftermath

2005-05-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

G: CC 2005 was definitely interesting this year. Not what I expected, but it never is I guess..hehe. Most of the time God teaches me in ways that surprises me and this being my 6th CC, I should expect that by now..hehe. Since my time in the front lines of campus ministry are winding down, it was great to see a new generation of CCF leaders rising up and taking over as stewards of our fellowships. What was really special was to sit down and chat 1-on-1 with all different sorts of passionate individuals. It was great catching up with the older grads and remembering everything that we've went through together in our years on campus. I pray that God will continue to stir all of our hearts to want more, to be more, to love more.

It’s funny that as you get older you just seem to need more and more alone time for yourself to recharge. This weekend was supposed to be a planned getaway, and I had planned to spend most of it in solitude. I tried to get all my “hellos” in the first night, but I guess CC is one of those times where you want to reconnect with as many people as you can b/c you don’t see them too much the rest of the year. I ended up having to get up at 6:30 each morning – on a couple hours sleep each night – to steal some precious hours of solitude with God before the craziness began for the rest of the day.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.” ~ Lamentations 3:21-25

There were a lot of things I wanted to get accomplished with my alone time this weekend. I wanted to do some reading, some writing, some praying, some thinking, some guitaring and about a million and one other things. Ultimately, I ended up doing pretty much none of them, as I felt that God was calling me just to be with Him this weekend. Each morning, I simply went down to the river and meditated on these verses from Lamentations 3. It was as if God was saying to me:

“Gary, why do you always have to make things so complex? Why do you have to make your faith, your career, your studies, your relationships, your future, even your own alone time with ME…all so complicated? Can you simply wake up each morning to MY mercies and MY grace? I have been working hard all night while you slept. Will you wake up each new morning and not allow yourself to be consumed by the burdens of your day? Just allow Me to love you first. My compassions never fail”

I guess I am becoming a morning person…heh

Workshop

Going in, I was really anxious about leading a workshop at CC this year. But a lot of things happened leading up to this weekend that really helped put this workshop – and even life as a whole – into perspective. I realized that there are more important things to worry about than a simple workshop. I even realized that the biggest reason I was nervous about this in the first place was because I feared looking bad in front of my friends and younger brothers and sisters. After that, things didn’t seem so important anymore, and I was able to release a lot of the pressure I had placed on myself to perform. The actual workshop itself went pretty good I think. We didn’t get everything in that we had wanted to, but then again there was so little time! Beforehand, me and Vicky prayed for 1 person each that we could inspire and spend more time 1-on-1 talking about mentoring at CC. God gave us each so many! Its so exciting!

Most Random Thing Ever

One morning I was sitting outside next to the river having some morning quiet time when a van stops beside me and out come an entire family of Asians, kids and all. Here was the extent of our entire conversation:

Asian man: “Hello”
Me: (why are you in my personal space?) “Hello, how’re you?”
Asian man: “Good. Are there any fish?”
Me: (oooooooooooooooh!…I’m FISHING!!….and all along I thought what I was doing was called reading a book...) “Ummm…I think I saw one earlier this morning”
Asian man: “Good”

The guy then proceeds to go back to his car, and comes back with his whole family. They all set up their chairs right beside me (literally so close that we could’ve all eaten off the same plate). And then they start to fish! Meanwhile, I’m looking up and down the river and there’s nobody else using any part of the river bank for as far as my eyes could see. Miles and miles of unused riverbank, and they plop themselves down right next to me. Talk about your typical Asian lack of courtesy…hehe

Humility

I learned humility from a sister this weekend like I haven’t experienced in a while. Imagine holding a crying sister in your arms, and knowing that you were a person that has caused her so much pain in her life. Perhaps you are even the reason she is crying now. Trying to pray for her but not knowing what to say; trying to comfort her but not knowing how you can ask her to trust you again – or whether you even deserve that trust anymore. Then the uncomfortable silence is broken by a hand placed on yourself and a voice. It is her touch and her words, speaking in prayer…for you, even though you don't deserve it. It was one of the most humbling experiences in my life. Thank you.

Discipleship

2005-05-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been prepping with Vicky to lead a mentorship workshop at Campus Challenge this year. It’s weird, b/c I’m not even sure how I got into mentoring, and even when I was doing it, I don’t think I ever thought of it that way. Myself, I have never had a real mentor before, but I’ve always wanted one. I grew up in a church in which I was always one of the oldest – in the English ministry at least. We never really had older brothers and sisters to look up to, in fact there were times where I think we questioned whether anybody cared about us at all. We were forced to blaze our own trails, plan our own programs and even retreats while still in elementary school. Even though those years have turned out to be a blessing in my walk, I’ve never given up praying for a mentor through all these years, as everyone needs a little guidance and reassurance along the way.

Perhaps that is where my personal passion for mentoring others has come from, my own experience as a disciple. I can say that I DO know what it’s like to feel completely lost and confused, insecure and inadequate, just hoping that someone would reach out their hand to show me that things would be ok. And as a result, I really wanted to be for someone else that person that I never had, to be there to guide them through their problems, to answer their questions and to reassure them of their future. Perhaps that is why I feel so convicted to train a new generation how to do the same for the next.

It’s strange though that through prepping for this workshop, the lack of a mentor in my own life has never been more evident to me than now. Sometimes I do wonder whether I have things right, or whether I’ve even got a right to lead others, or if I’m doing it properly. I'm constantly still learning – sometimes the hard way. But if your own journey as a disciple can be so rocky sometimes, how can you beckon others to follow down the same path? It’s tough because at times you just want to throw your hands up in the air yourself and give up; admit that despite all you can do, all you try to be and giving it your best shot, life can be so discouraging sometimes. The last little while has definitely been one of those times. Last night I was flipping through the scriptures in my bed, but I couldn’t really focus on the words, so I knelt down to begin praying. I don’t know what the heck happened next, but instead of praying, I just began to weep at the side of my bed. I guess I had a moment where all the pressures, expectations, burdens, responsibilities, challenges, disappointments, sacrifices, discouragements (and many more “etc’s”) just seemed to all pile up and come out at the same time. I guess it was a long time coming. It just all started to come out as I began to cry quietly to myself that night. I think the last time I cried like that was when I was chair of CCF in 3rd year, and it was a similar situation of simply being overwhelmed with discouragement.

It’s humbling when things like this happen to show you that you’re not as stable as you thought you were. It is at these times when you feel so utterly discouraged that you begin to question how on earth you can possibly teach others to…teach others. Great timing eh, considering I’m leading a mentorship workshop this weekend.

Praise God though, that through all of this He is still using something like this to teach me, and teaching me something that I can directly apply to this weekend. Looking back, I have never claimed to have possessed some sort of extrodinary wisdom to guide others, rather it was through opening up my life and inviting others into my own struggles that I have been an encouragement to the younger brothers after me. As I prepare to try to teach other’s how to disciple, God has been breaking me down and showing me once again what it means to be a disciple myself. I am called first to follow and then to lead. Maybe it is through these times of personal refinement by fire that God’s been really hitting me hard with the fact that I am first and foremost called to be a disciple, before a disciple maker. To pick up my cross daily and to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, our Lord and ultimately, our supreme Mentor.

“I am holding you by your right hand--I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, `Do not be afraid. I am here to help you.” ~ Isaiah 41:13 (NLT)

Chicago Randoms

2005-05-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

G: Great friends, great times, great trip. After 2300+ Km and over 20 hrs travelled in our van, I’m pooped. Its back to reality now I guess…but before I do, here are some randoms from my trip to Chicago:

Pre-trip Heart Attack: The roadtrip excitement got started a lil’ earlier than expected as a little car rental misunderstanding meant me frantically running off to try to find the nearest Discount downtown to sort things out. I was still marking papers at skool when Vince called, so I had to slip out quietly and boot it over to Queen & Jarvis before they closed at 7pm. I guess it was a good thing marking took me so long cuz I was still downtown and I was barely able to make it in. Pre-trip heart attack!

Departure: 12:47 am – You know you’re in for a tough drive when 30 seconds into your trip you find out that the CD player in the car is busted and your left with the prospect of trying to find radio stations in the boonies. All I have to say is thank goodness for 105.3 KOOL FM in Sarnia!

Canada/US Border: Border officers bug me. After the guy in Windsor last time, I decided to be very explicit with answering questions. So when he asked us if we were bringing any “groceries” across (obviously referring to alcohol & smokes), I told him we had oranges. I fought the urge to offer him one..hehe…as it was 3 am, we were the only car there and he could’ve searched us till dawn without delaying traffic if he wanted to…hehe

Transit System: I love you TTC!! On the first day, we spent 2 gruelling, sweaty, dirty hours on Chicago’s extremely ghetto “L-Train”. After experiencing the misery of Chicago’s transit system, I have a newfound respect for ours! (Btw, wasn’t “L-Train” a character on Hang Time?)

Driving in Chicago: After our L-train experience, we dumped the idea of taking the subway everywhere and just drove around in our van. It was actually pretty much the same as driving around T.O. No traumatic driving experiences like the infamous Montreal 2003 trip. Some things I noticed from driving around Chicago: 1) Most cars had dents/scratches on them 2) Motorcyclists don’t wear helmets 3) More Hummers on the road 4) Everybody seemed to have some sort of American flag painted or stuck onto their cars.

Willow Creek: Willow Creek Community Church is this huge church in Chicago that’s known around the world, and I was really looking forward to visiting it. When we got there, it looked like a mall in there with their escalators and elevators and stuff! They had a café, a food court, a bookstore, a gym (the size of the one at MAC!), their own lake! Their sanctuary could sit 7000+ people, had 9 cameras (7 of them robotic), and 2 huge TV screens. It was a def kool experience to be there! But at times, I did wonder whether this elaborate multi-million dollar complex was really necessary. To each their own I guess

Virgin Mary under the Expressway: While we were there, the big story around the city was the apparently appearance of the Virgin Mary under the Kennedy Expressway. I had read about it even before we left T.O (http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/04/20/mary.underpass.ap/), and in the few days we were there, there was this big controversy b/c the image had been vandalized and then painted over. So we decided to go check it out to see what all the buzz was about. It just made me think though, I don’t want to judge, but its kinda interesting to see what people draw hope and faith from. Hehe…it honestly really didn’t look like anything.

Night Life in Chicago: Doesn’t exist. Everything shuts down at 10pm.

Roadkill Count: 200+ raccoons, 5 Deer, 1 Fox, 1 Bird, several “unknowns”

Home: 7:00 pm – Our roadtrip was finally over as we pulled into Toronto around 7 pm. Dropped off my bags and headed straight to church for worship practice at 8pm. Back to reality I guess…hehe

rushrushrush...busybusybusy...do-this-do-that...

2005-05-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

Its weird how as a grad student, you have TOO MUCH time to yourself, just b/c your schedule is so much different than everyone else’s. But not one measily week into my vacation, I’m already missing those moments to myself and trying to sneak in some alone time. Greg came in tonight so everyone went for steaks and stuff, but I decided to have dinner with my parents b/c I have barely seen them all week. I like to keep tabs on how my parents are doing, and let them know how I'm doing...and I'm also trying to make up for being out of the country for mother's day...hehe. As I write, the rest are downstairs, just hangin’ out and perhaps trying to catch a couple zzz's before we take off for Chicago around midnight or 1 am tonight. I'm supposed to be up here sleeping now too, but I doubt I will get much shuteye in, considering the huge mental checklist that's going off in my head at the moment. In reality, I snuck up here to spend a couple minutes by myself, b/c I know that this very moment will the only time I’ll have to myself in the next 5 or 6 days, unless you count being unconscious. I wouldn’t mind it so much if everyone passes out in the car on the road, but that’s probably not the safest thing seeing as how we’re driving 10 hrs straight thru the night.

Hehe…I always do this. Become so ambitious with my vacation time that it always becomes more busy than when I’m in school. And then it starts feeling like a hassle rather than pure enjoyment. At least when I’m in school, there is a certain discipline you hold yourself to, understanding that even if you’re not actively doing schoolwork, you cannot allow yourself to be exhausted for the upcoming day of classes. In that way, I’ve always pushed certain important projects until summer time, when I think I have more time to focus on them. “I think” is the key word b/c the schedule always gets filled up with places to be, friends to visit and random things that need to be taken care. It’s not the same type of pressure that school is, but I guess I just don’t like having a mental list of a billion things that need to be taken care of; the feeling that I’m on this tight schedule even on vacation time and the need to fill all my free time with being productive in some way. Although I do have to say that I’m getting more decent sleep now, and it is great to hang out with friends! But I am still left with this feeling of needing to have some time to myself. Hehe…I did this to myself…Its my fault =(

A part of me really desires just to sit down, to clear my mind and pray about starting my clinical placements; about leading the workshop at CC; about the changes this summer with the worship ministry at my church; about this and about that. I guess I am really missing that prayer time I had with God on the subway in the mornings. To be honest, I think I just need a getaway. Just to get outa here and to leave things behind for a while. To have a little time to myself to reflect upon this school year, to sort some things out in my head and to prepare for what awaits me this summer. Ben offered his cottage up North for a couple days and I really think I would take him up on that if I weren’t heading off to Chicago. I can just imagine paddling his boat out into the middle of the lake and sitting there by myself for the whole day and spending some quality time with God. There is something so peaceful about being alone with nature.

Anyway, enough rambling...we're heading off soon. Pls pray for us as our directions to Chicago are pretty sketch; and stopping off for gas in the middle of the night in the States is even sketchier. Hehe...but at least we're all in one car, so even if we get lost, we'll all be together and it'll still be fun. If all goes well we shall arrive around 9 or 10 am tomorrow. See y'all in a few days. Peaz

PT Trooper

2005-04-30T05:38:00.000-07:00

I'm a trooper.

So yesterday I wrote my final exam. I'm done! =D

Do you wanna guess what I did on my first morning of freedom? I woke up at 7:00 am to go back to school! I had volunteered to supervise the entrance exam for next year's potential PT students. I'm such a trooper. I only had time to crash for a couple hrs on Henry's couch (sans blanket, sans pillow, thanx henry!..heh), I threw on the very same shirt I wore out to the Maddy with the class just hrs before (all girls seem to notice these type of things...of course), skipped breakfast and arrived at my building earlier than I usually do for a day of classes.

All for the love of my program!

Actually, to be honest, my motivation was a little more selfish than that. I volunteered b/c I kinda wanted to see the applicants sweat just like I had almost exactly 1 year ago. I wanted to re-visit the entire experience - except this time from the other side. Hehe...I guess I'm not as much of a trooper as I thought I was.

I'm a monster...don't look at meeeeeeee

Random Thought: Let's go have some fun, I have 2 weeks off =D

Great Faith

2005-04-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

G: To the HCEFC Philly missions team

“The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there. Abram traveled through the land as far as the site of the great tree of Moreh at Shechem. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. The LORD appeared to Abram and said, "To your offspring I will give this land." So he built an altar there to the LORD , who had appeared to him. From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD. Then Abram set out and continued toward the Negev.” ~ Genesis 12:1-9

In my OAC year in high school, I remember agonizing over the decision of whether I should go to university at U of T or Waterloo. Though I was also accepted into other schools, in my mind there were really only 2 choices, so back and forth I went, never fully deciding, for in my heart, neither decision seemed right; neither option really gave me a sense of peace. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I had gotten into MAC, but not once had I even considered going there. However it was at Campus Challenge 2000 where everything changed and I felt this sudden overwhelming compulsion to study in Hamilton. I remember kneeling on my knees in my room at Trent University and in one night, I made my decision that MAC was where God wanted me to be. My decision immediately gave me the peace in my heart that was missing from the other alternatives. (Though I have to say that my decision wasn’t the most well thought out or logical. In fact, it was rather impulsive…hehe. I had never visited MAC before, I didn’t know anybody there, I knew nothing about their Kin program and I only had a vague idea where the city of Hamilton was.) But when all the dust settled, off I was to pursue what I really believed in my heart was a calling.

And did God ever lead me on a wonderful adventure in the next 4 years! But I have to admit that my decision wasn’t immediately gratifying. I remember trying to find myself and my faith in the first year of my undergrad. Being away from home, I was stretched and challenged in ways that I had never imagined I would be. I was struggling spiritually, and I could never find a place to play guitar, read the Bible or just pray and spend time with God. Lacking those intimate moments of solitude amidst the craziness of res life, I remember retreating to the back stairs of Ivor Wynne (the gym…of course..hehe) and reading the story of Abraham (or Abram) from start to finish. I remember just trying to figure out what it was that made this man such a great man of faith. What was so special about this man, that he would eventually be given a name that literally means “Father of Nations”?

The more I read, the more it seemed like God’s call to Abraham was similar to how God called me to MAC. He simply told me to go. More exactly, He simply told me to FOLLOW. There was no reason, no purpose nor destination given, rather God’s call could basically be summed up as this: “Come with me, I’m gonna lead you somewhere kool”. But the really kool thing about Abraham’s story was that while God may not have told him where he was going, why he was going there or what he’d do when he got there, God did send him off with something even better! He sent Abraham off with a PROMISE. A promise to bless him and to make him great. A promise to protect him and make him into a great nation. A promise of a long lasting relationship that would extend to the future generations of his family in the years to come. Those are some pretty sweet promises. Who wouldn’t take that, right?

It is important to realize though, that this was also a calling that required Abraham to make some big decisions about his life. Though not knowing much, Abraham still needed to trust that God had a reason, a purpose and a destination for him. God’s promise to him was only good if he had enough faith to claim it by leaving what he had for what God pledged to show him. So what kind of promises does God have in store for us?

“Faith” as we have come see it today is a lot different than faith as it was shown in the Bible. I once asked my grade 9-10 Sunday school class to define faith for me. By far, phrases such as “blindly believing” and “believing in what we can’t see” were the dominant responses. In some ways, they weren’t wrong; however reading stories of the great people of faith in the Bible, it seems to me that faith is so much more than the acknowledgement of an invisible Lord or the believing of things that are unseen. Rather faith in the Bible was intrinsically related to obedience. It was inseparable, indivisible, one and the same. What I eventually found on the back steps of Ivor Wynne in 1st year was probably one of the greatest revelations in my life: There was actually nothing special about Abraham at the time God called him to leave. Nothing at all. The only thing that made him great was that he simply was willing when God called on him.

The truth is that we don’t have to have great powers or unexplainable gifts to do great things in our lives and in this world. It is exciting to know that we don’t have to have supernatural abilities to be the type of people that God ultimately uses to write human history. Abraham is merely one example of a great man who did great things through great faith, or rather great obedience. Reading this story again, I can now truly appreciate that it is not merely an account of the beginning of a relationship b/w one man and God. This amazing tale marks the birth of a great nation; a nation who’s people God called His own; a nation that would ultimately yield this world’s Saviour and Redeemer.

“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God” ~ Hebrews 11:8-10

Study Break = Taking a Break from Playing to Study

2005-04-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

So here I am four days before the final, and all I can think about is what I'm going to do this summer =D Four days. That is all that's left between now and the completion my first year in physical therapy, the academic part at least. Its so close I can taste it! But there still is our one and only final left to write. Right now though, my mind's everywhere BUT on my studies. At least the crummy weather outside makes me feel like I'm not missing too much - though I'd much rather be studying on the beach like Jessie (I hate you!). You may think that I'm procrastinating – and I guess in a way I am – but the truth is I'm just not really sweatin' this final. There doesn’t seem to be too much to study and in retrospect there wasn't that much anyone could have done to avoid disaster on the midterm, soooooo…if Judi wants to screw us over on the final, she will, and there's nothing we can do about it *knock on wood*. Bring on summer! =D

I can't believe we are finally in week 17…of 17 straight. Considering most of us were already pretty burnt by week 6 or 7, its amazing that we've all made it to this point and there haven't been any major breakdowns – not that I know of at least. But y’know what dawned on me this morning? I sorta have mixed feelings about finishing school. It wasn't like in undergrad where I barely had the patience to finish my last exam b/c I was in such a hurry to get outa there. Its different this time. In a weird type of way, I think I'm really going to miss going to school and stuff.

(I know...I'm a monster! Don't look at meeeee!!!)

Actually it kinda caught me a lil' off guard too, that there would be anything that I’m going to miss about school..hehe. I guess I'm not going to miss studying, but I'm going to miss those times while studying where I was genuinely in awe of how magnificent God has created the human body. I'm not going to miss 6:15 am, but I am going to miss how peaceful and innocent the world always seems to be at that time of the day. I'm not going to miss seeing the same 80 people every single day, but I'm going to miss seeing 80 friends who have made surviving this year just a little easier.

Lastly, I'm not going to miss the commute, but I'm going to miss the 45 min everyday that I spend with God on the train. I think that I will really miss the most. Getting on the subway at the beginning of each day, tuning out the rest of the world and losing myself in the scriptures, my own thoughts and in prayer. It’s such a wonderful way to begin each and every day. You arrive at school in the morning ready for a fresh start, with the worries and burdens of the previous day lifted up and relinquished. I only hope I'll be disciplined enough to continue that in the summer.

(So I guess I'm not going to miss school per se, but as school drove a lot my everyday life this year, there will be aspects of this routine that I'm gonna miss. Whew…close call...I thought I was a loser for a moment there.)

So what’s in store for this summer? Clinical placements for starters. Friends coming back home and others coming to visit. Road trips and camping trips. Softball and beach vball….*drool* But before I get too ahead of myself, perhaps I should dig in and hit the books.

Meh…going to play volleyball now…peaz

=D

Random Thought: To the missions team at HCEFC (going to Philly in July), thanx for keeping me on the mailing list even though I decided not to go. You guys are working so hard to raise the money, keep it up. I still read all your “Thoughts of the Day”. You guys inspire me.

Kitty's Thought of the Day

2005-04-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

G: I really enjoyed reading this...so I decided to rip it off and post it here on my blog. It's a lil' un-cut, un-edited & un-censored sharing from my friend Kitty (aka kityan for the art world). I haven’t asked her if I could post this, but she posted a pic of my cat on her blog so we'll call it even-steven =D

working at El Mundo we have great customers and the very bad ones. One lady came in last year and brought a whole bunch of things ended up returning it and got a store credit. the credit note was only good for 6 months. so for the next 6 months she comes in every week and look for things she might want to exchange. she asked us for help, anything new, whats good...watever, grumpy...and always end up complaining she doesn't like anything in the store and left. Now a couple of weeks ago she finally came back and got some piece of jewllery she semi liked. and still complained that she didn't like and couldnt' find anything in the store. ( if you have been to our store, you'd go...what? but you can find EVERYTHING in el mundo! 'el mundo' means 'the world' in Spanish. we carry things from furnitures to vases to incense, home decor..clothes..)

another lady who used to come into the store and loved our store. she's rich, loud, loves to compliment on everything anything under the sun. She loved me and my coworker. Comes in and praises us all the time, how good we are, how are my pretty girls, etcetc. So she bought a lamp one time and came back couple of days after and demends a return on the lampshade because it was defected. it was a final sale item and it was FINALSALE. meaning, no refunds. it was our last shade so no exchange. it was a 20 bucks lamp. (quite ugly in my opinion. we were trying to get rid of it so we were selling it for 20 bucks) she came in and gave us a hard time for following store policies and started swearing at us telling us we're no good as salespersons, i said i'm doing my best and she argued that wasn't my best. stormed out of the store. left me quite upset.

yesterday, a gentleman came, all soaked from the rain. We thought he was unhappy with his purchase. He's came in numerous times visiting from New York, with our help he chose a skull staff (a huge stick!) for his 16 yr.old son. He was concerned about them not letting him take it on the plane...bleh bleh bleh bleh. We eventually sold and packed it for him. Said our goodlucks and goodbyes. So all soaked in the rain, he came and told us his son loved it, he got it through the airport. everything was ok. He thanked us. he left. that was it.

Imagine the customers are everyday human, you and I...and God is on the other side of the counter...

are we like the first lady. Who lives in such luxury, with everything provided for, so abundently, yet still complains that you cannot find any goodness in the Lord, that even though there are so much opportunities, choices, whatever...still complains that God gives us no options, that He is boring?

or are we like the second lady, who loves to praise God, proclaiming His goodness, how He provides everything...but with one downfall, one minor incident that happens to you and you turn your back to God , curse God and walk out on God?

or are we like the third man, who recognises the grace of God who's helped him so much and loved him (ok well we didnt' love him but you know, its an analogy so bare with me...) ..comes back in the rain..all soaked, just for the purpose of thanking Him?

I hope my analogy makes sense, but it really made me think.

Psalm 100. on giving thanks.

Shout for joy to the LORD , all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

More Randoms

2005-04-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

So Richie says the stuff I write is too serious now and Dre apparently thinks I am a “nerdy blogger”. Fine. Enjoy =D

Interpretation Problems

There are some real dangers in mis-interpreting the Bible. I saw this on the news a little while ago…no jokes:

Amidst worries that some teens are interpreting the Bible as condoning the smoking of marijuana, NIV has updated their version so that it will now read ‘stoned to death” and not just “stoned”.

HAHAHAHAHAHA...oh dear, I'm really worried for these kids...LoL =)

RRRRoll-Up-Rim-To-Lose

Roll-Up-The-Rim is now over and I haven’t won anything from Timmies! It sucks b/c I usually win at least 4 or 5 times every year, and you feel as if you’re ripped off now if you don’t win. I did win once though…but in a dream one nite. Hehe…and what did I win you ask? Well…with all the prizes I could have have potentially made up in my sleep, all the glorious make-believe riches that I could have won, the endless possibilities limited only by the imaginary power of my own subconciousness, in my dream that nite I won…

A muffin.

Scammers

I got a beef with mapquest. I know its soooo convenient and all, but ANYWHERE you wanna go, if they can, they will make you take the 407!!! Even if its just a couple minutes away from your house!!! Try it!!! And they make you go one exit past where you’re going so you have to turn back!!! It’s a conspiracy I tell ya!!! That’s my beef.

SCAMapquest
Total Est. Distance: How much money ya got?
Total Est. Time: When you run out of money.

Caught with my pants down…X2

1) So a while back I was working out in my basement. It was getting pretty hot so I decided to workout in just my boxers. “My own basement is safe enough”, I thought to myself. And I was well into my workout, almost done when the door bell rings.....And who is at the door but, YUP! my parents CHURCH SMALL GROUP!!!

2) Couple weeks ago I was throwing on some shorts to get ready for lab at school. “The men's change room on the SEVENTH floor of my building MUST be safe enough”, I thought to myself. And what do you know, the very moment I dropped my pants, a FREAKIN' WINDOW CLEANER lowers himself right to the middle of the window to the changeroom, not 1 meter away from where I stood, pant-less and shocked. At least we didn't make eye contact...heh

Sheesh!

New Best Simpson’s Quote Ever #2

What’s up with these awesome parenting skills from Homer? So deep =D

(Homer, trying to explain menopause to Bart)

“Son…menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters”

Pruning

2005-04-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” ~ John 15:1-5

Be careful what you pray for. Recently, God gave me a little tiny porthole into my own heart and asked me to take a good hard look inside. At first I only took a peak, b/c none of us really want to peer deep into our own character, especially if we know we will be forced to confront those things that require overhauling. But ultimately in the last little while I have spent a lot of time in personal reflection and I saw some things that I didn’t like about myself, some attitudes and opinions that I’ve carried around with me that I know I shouldn’t have. I was really serious about changing them and I prayed about it regularly for a few days and I asked God to purge me of these shortcomings, for it was something that I knew I needed to rid myself of if I were to continue walking honourably and faithfully.

What came next was a few days of some of the most intense feelings I’ve felt in a long time. Feelings of desire for transformation, mixed with feelings of fear at confronting the uncomfortable, mixed with feelings of my own resistance to change. I feel like I’m going through a time of refining, where God is challenging me to grow up and to lose whatever it is that will ultimately hold me back in my run. I welcome these chances for God to prune me and to make me a man worthy of Him, but it’s definitely no walk in the park, its hard. I guess sometimes branches need to be broken off for the sake of the entire plant’s health, just as some parts of me need to die so that I may live fully the life He has purposed me.

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.” ~ 1 Corinthians 1:27-29

The most humbling part is perhaps that it really has been the “younger”, the “weaker” and the “less wise” that have shamed me and taught me to question how I act and what I believe. I know that there are times when I can become too confident in who I am and what I’ve become. Everyone needs a lil’ humbling sometimes. I am maturing, but I still have a lot of growing to do. Pressin’ onwards =D

Random Thought: All of a sudden I feel as if I’m the expert on PT or something, people want my opinion on their pain? I’ve also been encouraging and trying to help the next flock of potential (I mean future!) PT students get into their programs. Met up with Steph (Slam) and Ray last Sunday to talk about interviews and that night I got some great news from Jess: She got in!!! Congrats!!! I guess we will have to fight over whether we’re gonna open our clinic in Vancouver or Toronto. Al will be our clinic chaplain of course.

Randoms

2005-04-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

I like Books

Our church recently decided to throw away stacks and stacks of random old books that were lying around. Nobody really even knows who they all belong to, so they just decided to dump them. Me being a person that can’t stand just dumping things that could possibly be of some value to somebody (yes…my weakness), I picked them up off the curb and piled them into the back of my car. I decided to rummage through to see if there were any kool books that were worth keeping. Here are some highlights:

Microwave Cooking (That'll be for Henry)
Fundamentals of Building Construction (my life is complete)
Perspectives on Canadian Geology (For Tony)
4 Seasons Party and Banquet Book (How did I ever party without this??)
Great Lakes Marine & Weather Guide (A must have for any collection!)
Tyndale Crossword Puzzles (Entertaining AND Biblically Educational...booyah!)
Decorating Made Easy – Winning Windows (My windows no longer feel naked)
Windows 3.1 – Quick Reference (Blast from the past)
The Key to English – Figurative Expressions (This is the coolest book ever)

And my personal favourite…A cartoon picture book entitled:

“Today I Became A Woman” (Now I'm blind)

(Since then the books have been packed up and are being shipped off to Shenyang, China as part of one visa student’s dream to provide his fellow citizens with an English-language Library. See…throwing things out sucks! Check out: www. librarydream.ca)

Clinical Placements

Clinical placements are coming up in…ONE MONTH!...scary…Its crazy that I’m supposed to have learned enough in the last 8 months to get me thru these placements. We were told to choose 5 locations for each placement, so I decided to choose 3 based on convenience of location and 2 based on a specific population. Here are my choices, we shall see which one of these (if any) God places me:

General PT

1) Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
2) St. Michaels hospital – Inner City Health – Geriatrics focus
3) Southlake Regional Health Centre
4) North York General Hospital
5) Markham Stouffville Hospital

Cardiorespiratory

1) Southlake Regional Health Centre – Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and Cancer care
2) North York General Hospital – ICU
3) Sunnybrook Hospital - Cardiovascular - ICU & Cardiology
4) Toronto Rehab – Cardiac Rehab
5) Mt Sinai Hospital – Acute, Surgery

Pope John Paul II: 1920-2005

With the Pope’s death earlier this week, I couldn’t turn on the tv or read the newspaper without some sort of coverage on his life. And based on what I’ve seen and read, its too bad this man didn’t get his props here on the evangelical side of things, I wish I made more of an effort to read up about this guy. A defender of human rights, he fought hard for peace and dialogue b/w faiths and against communism in Europe. But perhaps it was his desire to embrace the youth of this world that endeared him to a whole new generation of believers. The world needs more people like him. Peace.

24...and counting

A BIG thank you to everyone who made my turning 24 so special =D I haven't forgotten to thank you guys, I guess it was just that my Bday being on Holy Thursday and all, I had something else on my mind to write about. But thank you for the most fun-packed/no-sleep/no-school 4 day loong weekend I've had in a long while. Thanks for the surprises (esp. those who treked from Hammy!), the dinners, the cakes, Yuk Yuk's, and the new guitar case. But most importantly to me, thank you for celebrating with me, I love you guys =D

The Fellowship of the Believers

2005-04-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

The Fellowship of the Believers

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favour of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. ~ Acts 2:42-47

This passage is probably one of my favourite in the Bible. It was the theme verse that our committee chose for HCCF in 2nd year and even though we moved on to different theme passages in the years to come, our fellowship had always in a way maintained it as the foundation; the building blocks with which we built our community at MAC.

Last night I drove up to Hamilton after class to attend CCF’s grad dinner. It was a semi-formal dinner/program at a really nice looking banquet hall up on the mountain. Kinda nice b/c it gave everyone a chance to get all cleaned up and stuff; all the guys were pimpin’ and the girls were all glammed as well. I remember sitting at the “alumni table” with Jen and looking at all the other tables of young’ns just talking and laughing and fellowshipping one another. A part of me felt slightly removed, not knowing everybody who was there last night and not getting all the inside jokes and stuff. But as odd as it sounds, it was actually a really joyful experience looking around and realizing that this was not a community that I was an intricate part of anymore, rather this was THEIR community now and they were forming their own memories with one another, just like we had when it was our community. It really did make things that much more special going back to attend grad dinner last night

We used to have a candlelight sharing time at the end of each semester when I was back at CCF. I remember as the candle was passed around the circle, I used to imagine that this was exactly what the previous generation of CCF-ers used to do; and the many generations before them as well. I used to imagine the different generations of CCF-ers sitting together in a circle, praising God as a community of believers and sharing their lives with one another thru the years, just like we were doing. It was at those moments that it really struck me that our community at HCCF was not distinct, rather birthed from – and the beneficiaries of – a rich history and heritage of communities past. I’ve spoken to individuals who led HCCF almost 40 years ago, and I am still amazed at how God has managed sustained this fellowship on the campus of McMaster University for all these years. It really makes me believe that the community that graduated 8 of their own last night is not autonomous, but part of something much much larger than we can even imagine ourselves. In the end, I have to acknowledge that we all are merely stewards of a community that has been led and upheld by God – as the Head – throughout all the years.

Congrats to Grads: Tony, Lily, Jon, Joda, Kevin, Josh, Kelly, Eunice =D

We have Hope

2005-03-28T18:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I find it unfortunate that there’s isn’t more of a build-up, not as much of great anticipation for Easter as there is maybe for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, its not that we have any less of a reason to celebrate Christmas, rather its more that we should have just as much of a reason – if not more – to celebrate Easter time. Christmas symbolizes the birth of Jesus Christ into this world; Easter represents the birth of a new hope for all mankind. God’s plan played out to its very end, to its completion; the death and resurrection of our Lord and Saviour.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him……whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” ~ John 3:16-17, 21

Do you remember the last time the message of the gospel brought you to tears? I am ashamed to say that I can’t recall. To be honest, I got a little choked up during the Holy Thursday service last week. I found it hard to sing through the worship songs b/c I was ashamed that somehow the simple yet powerful message of love and salvation had become mundane to me. I came to the realization that I don’t remember the last time the gospel drastically moved me in such a way and brought me to my knees in a manner that only being rescued from my own pure and utter unworthiness can.

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." ~ 1 John 4:9-12

Never forgotten, yet not quite always internalized was the devastating realization that it was my sins that nailed Him to the cross and kept Him there. Never forget that feeling. Perhaps it was the first time you accepted Christ, or the first time you came to terms with your own failures and inequities as a person. Never forget that feeling that one can only experience through the type of grace that can never be earned, can never be deserved and can never be re-paid. Today marks the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour. We have hope.

It is Finished

2005-03-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

‘The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.” The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.” There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS. One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don't you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last’ ~ Luke 23:35-46

Grace Flows Down

Amazing grace, How sweet the sound

Amazing love, Now flowing down

From hands and feet, That were nailed to the tree

As grace flows down and covers me

It covers me

And covers me

Holy Thursday

2005-03-24T21:49:00.000-08:00

For a couple years now our church has had a tradition of holding a “Holy Thursday” service. I haven’t heard of too many churches holding services on the Thursday before Easter, but I guess the significance for us lies in remembering Jesus’ last night on this earth. With everything that happened that night, it’s tough to imagine how Jesus found the time or the strength to share a few intimate words with his Father. Here are some of His lasts words; words that were spoken with passion and courage, in the face of great fear and struggle:

(John Chapter 17)

Jesus Prays for Himself
After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: “Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

Jesus Prays for His Disciples
“I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name–the name you gave me–so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled. “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Jesus Prays for All Believers
“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Family

2005-03-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise– “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. ~ Ephesians 6:1-3

I’ve noticed it more and more in the past few years that brothers and sisters my age have really taken it upon themselves to try to care for their families and honour their parents and stuff. This newfound responsibility to one’s “rents” is really refreshing to see actually. Suddenly, saying something like “I’m staying home with my parents tonight” doesn’t seem so lame anymore. Rather it is a time we have chosen to set aside, that we can share a piece of our lives with the people who took care of us for so many years. I guess there comes a point as we grow up where our parent's involvment in our lives change dramatically. They cease to be our trailblazers, allowing us to press forward ourselves and becoming instead a participant in our journey. It is at this time where their inclusion in our lives is no longer required, rather a way with which we can honour our parents.

Perhaps it’s also that we’ve come to an age where we realize that our parents are simply trying to make their way thru their own lives just as we are, facing their own struggles and challenges and fighting their own doubts and insecurities. Before, my parents were the spiritual leaders of the family. We used to pray a lot together and it was always my parents who seemed to push for these few precious moments of prayer with the entire family. But things have sorta flipped around now that I'm back. It seems as if the responsibility of sustaining the spiritual strength of the family has fallen onto my shoulders. Its kinda odd, not only because it seems a little unnatural in some ways, but because you struggle a little bit with trying to figure out what your role really is and how to fulfill it in a Godly way. So am I the leader or am I the son? Can I be both at the same time? I’ve been trying to pray more with my parents lately; in some ways I guess I’m trying to re-establish that family prayer time we had regularly before I left. This time around, hopefully I can provide a little more strength and support for my family than before. I truly believe that this was one of the purposes God had for me for coming back to T.O and living at home. Its really been in my heart to try to sustain and inspire my parents’ faith.

I woke up one morning last week, and strangely enough both my parents were awake already. Usually, I get up first, with my dad not far behind; my mom not till much later. They told me that they had gotten up early that morning to pray. It was something that I haven’t heard in a while – or ever, for that matter now that I think about it. They were praying for my dad's company. Not that God hasn’t already blessed my dad’s company in the past years, but for the last little while, my dad's business seemed to be having a string of bad luck; not having enough workers when the orders piled up and not having enough orders when the workers were plenty. They had a very specific request for God that morning: 1 more worker and 1 more client for my dad's company. I remember not thinking much of it except that I thought it was pretty kool that they were praying together and then I left for school.

God’s answer came very quickly and it totally blew me away. That very day, a new worker showed up at my dad’s door! Within a few days, a new client called, flew up from the US specifically to check out my dad’s factory and promised to give him orders! Wow...that's craziness....Considering the fact that my dad had always only ever taken orders from 1 client and the ad for workers had been in the newspaper for months, this was just so amazing to hear and makes me really believe that it was more than merely a coincidence. What a testament to the things God can do for those who simply come before Him and ask!

Aside: I remember praying a few weeks ago a very strange prayer. I asked God to do something supernatural in my life. Anything. It was strange because I had never prayed anything like this in my entire life – an open-ended and ambiguous request for some sort of supernatural event. I'm not even sure why I even prayed that prayer; it wasn't that I was testing God or challenging Him in anyway. Perhaps it was simply an intimate plea amidst a quiet moment of weakness where I needed God to show me He was up there still watching down on me. I prayed the quick prayer, went to sleep, and promptly forgot about it. Until now. Wow.

Brain Food =D

2005-03-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

School…

In the last couple of days, our case study group's been having some real nice venting sessions. Like we’re talking a full hour of sittin’ around a table, yellin’ and gesturing and obscenities flying everywhere and all that stuff. Hehe…well not the obscenities part for me. Actually I didn't do much talking in our venting sessions at all. I don't really like to be all overtly negative and stuff, but it was great listening to everyone complain because at least I know I'm not the only one that feels the way I do right now. It was like music to my ears! =D It was so soothing that I could've totally curled up on the ground right there and drifted off into the most peaceful sleep I’ve had in a few weeks. Somebody finally understands! hehe...just kidding...but its nice to get it all out though, because the fact is that its a little hard to get sympathy from people on the outside who don't truly understand what our program is doing to us this semester. After a while, responses like "it can't be that bad" or "all grad programs are like that" just make me more mad…hehe. But no more venting for me! At least not to you guys =D

Despite everything, I’ve been having lots of thoughts and ponderings lately. I still read the scriptures in the morning on the train, so usually I have lots to think about during the day. It is not a lie to say that most of what I write comes to me as I sit in lecture not paying attention..hehe. I haven’t had a lot of time to write lately, but I have been reading more. I’ve started to read 2 books:

1) If You Want to Walk On Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg
2) The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis.

The first I'm reading because we’re studying that for fellowship at church and the second cuz we’ve decided to study that for men’s group downtown. Both are intensely thought-provoking, yet each author has very different styles of writing and content. I have to admit that I don’t actually read a lot of Christian books – or any type of books for that matter – not because I enjoy being particularly un-well-read and uneducated, but usually because I just don’t have the time. Perhaps if I did read more, I’d be able to write like these guys? Hehe...but here are some quotes from the books that have provoked my thoughts. Agree or disagree, there is some meaty stuff here to chew on. Brain food =D

From the Preface of ‘The Great Divorce’ (C.S. Lewis)

“We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre; rather a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision...........I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road. A sum can be put right; but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never simply by going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot “develop” into good. Time does not heal it............I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost; that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in ‘the High Countries’. In that sense it will be true for those who have completed the journey (and for no others) to say that good is everything and Heaven everywhere. But we, at this end of the road, must not try to anticipate that retrospective vision. If we do, we are likely to embrace the false and disastrous converse and fancy that everything is good and everywhere is Heaven. But what, you ask, of earth? Earth, I think will not be found by anyone to be in the end a very distinct place. I think earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region in Hell; and earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself.”

From ‘If You Want to Walk On Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat’(John Ortberg)

“I believe there is something – Someone – inside us who tells us there is more to life than sitting in the boat. You were made for something more than merely avoiding failure. There is something inside you that wants to walk on water – to leave the comfort of routine existence and abandon yourself to the high adventure of following God.”

“If you step up to the plate, you may strike out. The greatest hitters in the world fail two times out of three. But if you don’t step up to the plate, you will never know the glory of what it is to hit a home run.”

Lighter Moments

2005-03-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

I've been postin' some heavy stuff lately...mainly cuz there have been heavy moments...but there have been lighter moments lately as well...enjoy =D

Our Future Leaders
So these 2 students barged into our classroom the other day to campaign for the upcoming U of T SAC elections. They told us that they were randomly walking around looking for classes to campaign in and came into ours. These 2 individuals – 1 guy and 1 girl – were running together, I think, cuz they had matching neon-yellow t-shirts on and everything. The girl goes up to speak first, and the first thing she does is announce how happy she is to speak to a group of MED students. Uh-huh…screwed herself over right there cuz that’s a big nono in PT world. Then she proceeds to outline her key 2 platform issues:

1) Eliminating racism, sexism and homophobia

And…..

2) Bad cafeteria food

LoL…I guess that’s what they call a DIVERSE platform? Then the 2nd guy comes up and says that he doesn’t think that we can actually vote because we’re grad students but asks us to go tell all our undergrad friends to vote for them. He then forgets to tell us anything about himself and passes out his campaign cards to us.

Bravo my friends…Bravo

My Icicle
One day a couple of weeks ago I noticed a huge icicle hanging from a branch of a tree next to my garage. What a thing of beauty! Not only was it almost 2 meters long, it bifurcated in the middle to make TWO large glass swords joined at the top. (When I was younger, I used to always marvel at large icicles hanging from buildings or roofs because they look like huge glass swords. I have obviously outgrown that immature phase in my life…obviously.) This certainly was the mother of all icicles, by far the most magnificent icicle I have ever seen and I watched it grow larger and larger each day. One day as I headed out for lunch, I noticed that it was strangely warm outside – the mark of impending doom for icicles. I told myself that when I got back, that I’d take the icicle down and save it…hehe “Gary, you are a genius”, I thought to myself. But alas, when I got back it was too late, and the icicle had fallen and shattered into a gazillion pieces. So I was sad.

Moral 1: Don’t be greedy and leave your icicles up for too long.

A week later, I noticed that a new icicle had come back in the place of the first! Redemption! This time I took it down nice and early and preserved it in a bed of snow beside the driveway. “Gary, you are a genius”, I thought to myself. But alas, I came home that day to realize that a snowstorm had completely swallowed up my icicle, piling high on top and smothering it whole. To add insult to injury, the snow shovelled from our driveway was piled on top of that, burying my dear icicle beyond retrieval forever.

Moral 2: Don’t take your icicles down too early. They may get covered by snow.

Moral 3: I am not a genius =(

Cursed Stoplight
Who else believes that Stoplights are cursed? Either that or there’s little tiny men inside the stoplights just waiting to turn the red light on when you’re approaching an intersection. They’re out to get us! The street light on my street has been messed up for a while. It used to only be that it’d take like 5 minutes to change. Now, it’d take 5 minutes to change AND then it doesn’t! It teases you... The pedestrian light would show the flashing red hand sign as if it was ready to change – so you think the light’s about to turn green – and then it’d go back to the walking sign! And sometimes it’d do that 2 times in a row!!! Seems to always know when I’m in a rush too. It drives me krrraaaazy. And not just a normal krazy…but one of those shrieking, tear-your-hair and beat-your-breast type of krazy’s. I’m gonna bash it good next time.

Random Thought: There was once when the streetlight gods were shining favourably. It was 3 am on main street in Hamilton. I was going exactly 60 km/h and I hit every light! It actually works! So me and Tony decided it was too good to stop and ended up driving about half an hour on main street before we hit a red. I think we might’ve left Hamilton. Then we turned around and went home proudly. =D

Wisdom
Did you know that you can make anything sound wise by adding “of Life” to it? All of a sudden, you’ve entered the philosophical world and you’re speaking in metaphors that sound deep and intellectual. It is quite the thought provoker. For example, here is a conversation I had with a unidentified friend:
(actual conversation may have varied...a little…or a lot...hehe)

Friend: Brb, gotta grab a spoon for my soup
Gary: But , what about the Spoon of Life?
Friend: Yooo…that’s wise
Gary: I know
Friend: Let me buy you a coffee to congratulate you on your wise-ness
Gary: I want the Coffee…of Life

See? You can do that with anything!

New Best Simpson’s Quote Ever
(Homer, trying to explain sex to Bart)

“Son……..do you know what a BOOB is?”

Peaz all

Open/Close Doors (Part 2)

2005-03-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

(Continuation from part 1 – March 4th)

Forget about not being sure if I wanted to be here, I never actually even expected to get into PT in Toronto at all. I had bombed the CAP (Computer Administered Profile – interview/exam) in May, so I had very low expectations. But I didn’t actually care that much at the time b/c 1) PT was probably my 3rd choice of career paths (behind research & OT) and 2) U of T was probably 2nd on my list of PT schools (behind MAC) – making the program that I’m studying in now my 8th choice out of 9 potential grad skools. But strangely enough, when I heard back from all the different schools, it was my acceptance into PT at U of T that got me the most excited. I didn’t know it then either, but I have come to realize that this was the door that God had opened the widest to me when it came time to make a decision last summer.

Opened Door

Flashback: Working for a couple of summers at social services, I spent a lot of time in the ERC (employment resource centre). It was quite a blessing for me, because it gave me lots of opportunities to interact with the welfare clients face to face. I remember chatting with numerous clients, who for one reason or another, couldn’t find work or lost their job due to a physical disability. Of course being on welfare, none of them could afford physio either…which meant they couldn’t get back to work fulltime…which meant that they’d have to stay on the welfare system even longer. One thing led to the next and it was like a domino effect that you could break, if only you had the resources to remove one of the links of the chain. I remember thinking that if there was just someone willing to provide rehab services for them, that maybe they would be able to break out of this loop.

Last Month: We were given an assignment from one of our profs to satisfy the “Business” component of our term mark. We were supposed to come up with a business idea and do a S.W.O.T. analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) on it. He was really relaxed about it and asked us to come up with an idea that we were personally interested in. It was a fairly straight forward assignment and it wasn’t worth much. But I sorta had trouble doing it, not because it was hard, but b/c I had trouble internalizing the spirit of the assignment. It wasn’t that I couldn’t come up with a very profitable business idea – I could’ve easily done that in 5 minutes, and gotten a decent mark – but it seemed as if the whole purpose of that assignment was to make a lot of money. I guess when it comes down to it for me, I know that making truckloads of money wasn’t the top priority in my life. Of course I’d like to make a comfortable living and be able to provide for my wife and kids, but beyond that, I really believe that what I do in my life and with my career has to mean something to me.

So I went in to see him and I told him that my idea for the assignment was to set up a partnership with ODSP (Ontario Disabilities Support Plan) to provide PT services for welfare clients who couldn’t afford it. I began to share with him why I was having a tough time with the assignment. I also told him that my business idea wasn’t going to make me much money, but it was still something I’d consider doing. To my surprise, he seemed to take what I said fairly well. Going in to see him, I wasn’t sure if he’d really understand what had driven me to come up with my idea and ultimately what it is that drives me through life. But he seemed to receive it fairly well, gave me some suggestions and I went off to write it up.

To be honest, I had decided to go in to see him, partly to talk about the assignment, but mostly b/c I had really been trying to figure this guy out ever since I entered the program. On one hand, he’s our business prof, always talking about money, opportunities, business and MONEY! But on the other hand, this is a guy who’s the chair of the International Division of the CPA (Canadian Physiotherapy Association). He’s spent time dodging land minds in Bosnia, Sarajevo and Guatemala, and he actually loses money to be there participating in those humanitarian efforts. So what’s the deal? I ended up just asking him straight up about that, for I believe that you can really find out a lot about a person if you can figure out what it is that drives them. He seemed a little caught off guard by the question, saying that it had been a really long time since anyone’s asked him that. He didn’t give me a straight answer, but in the end he did tell me that “If it’s purely about the money, the drive doesn’t last”.

Present: We got our assignment back a couple days ago. He said that he was inspired by my assignment and told me he wanted to take me out for a business lunch sometime! This was the only comment he wrote on my paper:

“Gary – This is an excellent SWOT analysis! I agree with your conclusion – let me know when you are ready to do this, and I will help you out. 10/10”

Wow. I hadn’t ever really seriously considered going ahead with this business idea. I mean, I’m only 7 months into a 26 month program and I just want to survive this semester. So many questions arise. Am I capable of starting up a business and running it on my own? Am I supposed to just go up to the City of Toronto and propose my idea of working with their welfare clients? What if I don’t pass my finals this semester? Is this even what I wanna do with my life??? I guess this is the type of thing that gets you all excited and terribly apprehensive all at the same time. But given the opportunities opened to me right now, I owe it to myself and more importantly to the One that has opened these doors for me to explore what this could possibly lead to. In the end I know I need to trust that my God will not bring me up to a door, only to make me walk through by myself. I’ll keep you guys posted, I’m really excited!

Open/Close Doors (Part 1)

2005-03-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

(This posting will be cut into two separate postings…as to not bore you guys to death all at once..hehe)

I’ve been kinda thinking about what I wrote the last time I blogged. Y’know to be honest, despite being really frustrated with school, struggling with purpose and pretty burnt out lately, I’ve kinda been realizing more and more that this is exactly where I should be at this point in my life. Looking back, I remember praying and seeking God’s will for my entire 4th year of undergrad, but not getting much of a sign as to where He really wanted me to be. I remember being pretty frustrated and confused as to my future and my direction. The only thing I did feel that God was telling me was that it didn't matter so much what I ultimately chose as a profession, but that I better be ready to be used by Him when I got there. It’s weird, as much as I still wonder sometimes whether I should be here studying PT at U of T, the more I reflect upon the last couple of years, the more I realize that God’s hand was guiding my decision all along. In the end, I never did get that one specific “sign” I was looking for. But I can see now that God’s hand was guiding my path all along, through the opening of doors and the shutting of others.

Closed Doors

Its funny how around this time last year, I was so sure that my future career would be in research. I was all ready to smash into the world of academia; to pursue a life of research, journal articles, conferences and whatever it is that researchers do. I had only half-heartedly applied to PT and OT, rather I focussed most of my thoughts and efforts on pursuing a KIN masters degree. I got myself fairly familiar with the research lifestyle, talking to masters students and profs whenever I could. I told everyone that research was what I really felt like I was called to do and I even made a point to go meet a potential supervising prof at SFU when I was out in BC during Christmas time. I was prepared. But alas, when time came for the grad schools to come a knockin’…God shut that door firmly and quickly.

Last month I spent some time at York with Alvin as a subject for one of his studies. Through those sessions, God gave me a little taste of what the alternative path would’ve been like, that is as a grad student doing Kinesiology research. Having all those electrodes stuck to me and talking about stuff that only KIN students could understand was definitely fascinating! And I ended up chatting to one of the PHD students in the lab who’s doing this REALLY kooool biomechanics/animation thing. I have to admit it, kinda sparked a little desire within me to pursue some sort of academic research again. Maybe just a little =D

Ironically, my visits to Alvin’s lab were probably really close to what my life would’ve been like if I had gotten into research last year. York was the only school that I thought I’d have a realistic shot of getting into and by early 2nd semester, I was certain I was going there and I was definitely ready to go! But I sorta realize now that it wouldn’t have been the type of lifestyle that I would want for the rest of my life. And even though I couldn’t quite understand before, I’m glad now that God decided to shut that door in my life.

I guess in the end, God may decide to leave several doors open for us to choose, but we cannot force our way through the doors that have been shut to us. I'm slowly learning to fully trust the One who owns the master key, for He who holds the key that locks certain doors in my life surely holds the key to unlock others.

Random Thought: Now that I think about it, God even shut the door on studying PT at MAC. It would’ve been a pretty tough choice if I had gotten into both UT and MAC. Hehe…however, perhaps I simply screwed myself over in the interview by:

1) Questioning the integrity of health care professionals
2) Questioning the legitimacy of the physiotherapy profession
3) Calling their interview questions ambiguous
4) Asking them to tell me their favourite ice cream as a ploy to break the ice.

Hehe…so yeah…maybe I screwed myself over for that one. I guess I could’ve answered what they wanted to hear, but no cookie-cutter for me =D

I'll Stay Where You've Put Me

2005-02-28T18:08:00.000-08:00

You ever wonder if you’re really supposed to be where you are? Or perhaps you feel that surely things would be better elsewhere? Sigh…to be honest, sometimes I find myself thinking that I could be so much more useful somewhere else, I could be doing greater and more important things for God if only He’d allow me to go. To be honest, above everything else, lately I’ve struggled with whether or not I’m in danger of settling in my life. With the routine and repetitive nature of being a grad student, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of living a life of complacency, that lacks inspiration, motivation and ultimately zeal. It seems like I’ve been placed in such a seemingly restrictive and confining situation. It is such a grind sometimes, and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of room to roam free. I’m trying to fight it so bad, but I find I’m always asking myself: Am I settling? Am I choosing to live an average and complacent existence that never actually fully embraces the wonderful and exciting promises and purposes that God has given me? Is this really IT???

I fear mediocrity. I fear the type of meagre life that wants nothing and ultimately means nothing. There’s something so suffocating about it that the first little hint of falling into that trap makes me just want to break free, run away hard, and never look back. I don’t want a meaningless existence that lacks ambition and doesn’t desire to be more at every turn. The last thing I want to do is live a life of conformance to the ambitions of an ordinary and mundane society and to not passionately be desiring greater and more wonderful things in my life from God. I guess in the end, I don’t want to be a cookie cutter human being; I don’t want to have nothing that sets me apart and nothing that makes me unique. And so when lately I’ve seen brothers and sisters around me wildly pursuing great spiritual endeavours, I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy inside of me. I want to so bad, but why can’t I go too God?

I remember reading this passage the other day:

"On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire. That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the LORD's command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD's order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD's command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. At the LORD's command they encamped, and at the LORD's command they set out. They obeyed the LORD's order, in accordance with his command through Moses." ~ Numbers 9:15-23

I wonder how the Israelites felt through all of this. To not know how long they’d be travelling or staying every time they were told to move or stay. Hundreds of thousands of people at the mercy of a single cloud by day, a pillar of fire at night. Hehe…and surely the Tabernacle wasn’t just some pop-up tent they could put up and take down at the blink of an eye. But through it all, they would not move until God led them away. Similarly, I guess I’ve come to a stage in my life where I know that I’m going to have to dig in, set up camp and settle down for a while – at least for the next 2 years. I use the word “stage”, for I don’t think this will be forever, rather a period in my life where I am called to stay rather than run. Upon reflection, I think that it is my own bigheaded pride that wishes I could be doing “greater things elsewhere” and is blinding me to importance of where God has placed me and what He has called me to do here.

God’s been reminding me that despite not fully understanding, I should not underestimate the reasons for why I am where I am right now. I shouldn’t constantly be trying to figure out whether or not I should be here, rather I should aggressively seek His calling for me now that I arrived. Most importantly, I’ve learned that I shouldn’t be perpetually peaking over my shoulder to check if (or when) the cloud is moving away. For when the cloud decides it is time to move...I will surely know. I guess it really does take a lot of faith to stay when we want to go, to go when we want to stay and ultimately to trust that where we are is exactly where God wants us to be. Despite not being able to pursue what in my mind are “great spiritual endeavours”, I have come to the realization that the only real gauge between greatness and mediocrity is whether I am able to fulfill what God has purposed for me here, now.

Small Prayer:

Dear Big Guy,
Please humble my heart, that I would not chase after things that fuel my own selfish pride. Please open my eyes, that I may understand the true importance of being called to simply love those individuals You have placed in my life. Amen

(From “Streams in the Desert")

“I’ll Stay where You’ve put me; I will, dear Lord,
Though I wanted so badly to go;
I was eager to march with the “rank and file,”
Yes, I wanted to lead them, You know.
I planned to keep step to the music loud,
To cheer when the banner unfurled,
To stand in the midst of the fight straight and proud,
But I’ll stay where You’ve put me.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I’ll work, dear Lord,
Though the field be narrow and small,
And the ground be neglected, and stones lie thick,
And there seems to be no life at all.
The field is Your own, only give me the seed,
I’ll sow it with never a fear;
I’ll till the dry soil while I wait for the rain,
And rejoice when the green blades appear;
I’ll work where You’ve put me.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I will, dear Lord;
I’ll bear the day’s burden and heat,
Always trusting You fully; when sunset has come
I’ll lay stalks of grain at Your feet.
And then, when my earth work is ended and done,
In the light of eternity’s glow,
Life’s record all closed, I surely will find
It was better to stay than to go;
I’ll stay where You’ve put me.”

Storm

2005-02-23T06:06:00.000-08:00

(Apologies in advance b/c this is gonna be a fairly scattered post)

I’m frustrated.

Do you ever get those times when you feel as if nothing’s going your way? Its been one of those times for me lately. It’s like every direction you turn, there’s always something pushing back against you, something to endure or something to battle. The storm is unrelenting and rages high against the side of your ship, trying to push you over for good. You can forget about trying to go somewhere, all you want to do is stay afloat. You wish you could escape it all for just a moment to reorient yourself, but for some reason life won’t allow you to bend over for a while just to catch your breath. And as each new thing piles on, you find yourself thinking over and over again: “I just don’t need this right now”.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting in the past week or so and I’ve been trying to write a lot, just to get all my feelings down coherently. It was important b/c my mind’s been too jumbled and cluttered to do any effective studying – which I’m really behind in right now. But through all that pondering and searching, all I can say for sure is that I’m frustrated. Frustrated in the situations and circumstances that I’ve been placed in. To be honest, sometimes I just wonder why life can’t be what I want it to be. I guess that sounds kind of selfish, but its not as if I have particularly evil or malicious intentions. In fact I think that for the most part I desire Godly and honourable things. I’ve never really desired that much for myself, but I’ve been struggling to make sense of what I’ve been given lately.

I hope I don’t sound like an ungrateful child; that is the last thing I want to be. I’m not frustrated with God. In fact through all of this, I’ve been learning to rely more and more on His strength, to find solace in His peace, and to trust in His purposes. It seems like every once in a while along our journey through life, God places us in situations and circumstances that force us to view things from a different perspective, in order for us to grow and develop in our faith. It also seems to usually be the trials, struggles and challenges in our lives that cause us to step back for a moment, to rethink and ultimately to mature as individuals. Unfortunately God never promises that we would be free from growing pains. It seems as if every time I believe I have attained a “mature” perspective on things, God shakes things up a little bit to remind me that I have yet to attain (or even come close) to true maturity.

In the last couple of days, God has been leaving me little hints that amidst everything I’ve been going through, that the world does not cease to exist while I deal with my problems. Sometimes it’s so easy to get absorbed in our own problems that we are blind to the fact that the needs of those around us persist. Through little things in my everyday routine, God’s been reminding me again that despite whatever it is that I’m going through, it so important that I don’t dwell on my own trials so much that I forget that I have other roles to fulfill in my life....as a friend….a son….a brother….or a friendly stranger. It is comforting to know that despite the raging waves crashing around, that God’s gentle voice of comfort and rebuke may still make its way through the storm to me. Through it all, I am still growing, learning, enduring and persevering.

Storm (by Lifehouse)

how long have I been in this storm?
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down?
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you

the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

Blue-Collar Warriors

2005-02-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

Wednesday was a really crappy day for me. But I guess one good thing is that it made me appreciate all the more those special people in my life who are willing to be strong for me when I can’t. I have come to realize that these type of people posses a very unique spiritual gift. It’s not the most flashy of spiritual gifts, but I call them “Blue-collar Warriors” because these are the people in your life who are willing to stick around and tough it out with you when life gets rough. They will come down and sit in the mud with you when you’re swimming around in the pits of despair; rather than try to persuade you out from above when you’re not ready. These are the people who won’t look down on you for feeling what you feel or for being discouraged sometimes; or try to tell you otherwise. People who will acknowledge your feelings for what they are worth and offer to shoulder your load, on top of everything they must be carrying on their own. I have always admired these type of people and I have always striven to be like them myself – at least the best that I can. At the end of each day I cling on to the hope that by chance I have helped lighten the load for someone else too, if only for a few steps. Never underestimate how much simple words like: “Is there anything I can do for you?” can mean to people; if you are genuine about your offer.

“Jonathan said to David, ‘Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.’” ~ 1 Samuel 20:4

We all go through times when have no choice but to admit that we need others to be strong for us. This week has been one of those weeks. Ironically, or maybe not so much, trials and tribulations always seem to come when you have the least time or energy to handle it properly. I have always tried to strike that balance between refusing to lose hope and being honest with myself in acknowledging my discouragement. But lately things have been pretty overwhelming. And having things fly fast and hard at me in school doesn’t help at all. I guess the reality is that the world doesn’t stop to allow you to get back up onto your feet. Time doesn’t stop, expectations don’t stop, school doesn’t stop and most importantly your responsibilities don’t stop.

“So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, ‘May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.’ And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself” ~ 1 Samuel 20:16-17

I have always admired David and Jonathan’s relationship in the Old Testament. And amidst the overwhelming-ness of everything yesterday, I knew that the first people I wanted to talk to were my brothers. Y’know, beyond all the sports, jokes, expelling of bodily gases, and general stupidity, there is something really special about the fellowship of brothers in Christ. Leading MCG (men’s cell group) at MAC for 2 years, I am convinced there is something unique about what one brother can offer another that I have never found in my other relationships. The ability to understand one another like no one else can and to love each other like we ourselves would want to be loved. As much as some may think that men have trouble relating with one another in any profound sense, it is with my brothers that I am most comfortable revealing my deepest insecurities and fears. The bonds that I have made with my brothers refuse to break; and under great stress and strain they seem to become more secure rather than more vulnerable.

“Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever…’” ~ 1 Samuel 20:42

I guess I’m just rambling now…I’m not sure how to finish this posting…but to say that I really needed you guys yesterday and I want to say thanx for listening to me and praying for me.

I miss you guys so much.

Chinese New Year & Lent

2005-02-09T06:47:00.000-08:00

Its kinda interesting that Ash Wednesday falls on the same day as Chinese New year this year. So I will blog about both at the same time. Firstly:

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI!

Being in an environment where I’m not swarmed by Chinese people makes me feel more Chinese. All of a sudden I’ve become the Chinese expert or something…talking about Chinese culture in class, taking classmates to Dim Sum. It was my turn to bring snacks for our class small group today, so I brought them all these different Chinese New Year candies and foods. Wow…whattafob LoL

For the last little while I've been thinking of giving something up for Lent. I've never done this before, I think its more of a Catholic practice, but I thought this year it'd be kinda kool to give up something. I don't know much about Lent, but I think the practice is that we're supposed to give up "something we love" or "something we find pleasurable". One of my classmates mentioned that she thought it was kinda pointless to give up something trivial, like coffee or steaks or something, and she questioned just how much it spiritual significance that had.

Soooo…I've finally figured out what I'm going to give up. I'm going to give up…..my BUSY SCHEDULE! Yes, I know you think I'm crazy…so let me explain. School’s been really draining and really frustrating for not only me, but the entire class. I can just see it in everyone else as well. 9am’s are normal, 8am’s are killer and 10am’s are like candy. Personally I’ve been feeling really run down lately and its showing. For the past week I’ve only been getting like 5-6 hours sleep and have been getting these headaches near the end of the day. I haven’t been able to finish my normal workouts or runs, and I couldn’t figure out why until now....I probably just didn’t have the energy. Working out just probably beat my body down more than it helped it. And last but not least, this Sunday I woke up with the worst tooth pain ever. I couldn’t go to church and went to see the dentist who told me that a lack of sleep was one of the biggest factors.

I think that sometimes I can get addicted to the adrenaline rush that comes with always being on the run, always out and about, always being somewhere and doing something. Its fun, its great, it makes you feel alive! Even though rushing from school to family to sports to church commitments to friends to working out pretty much drains me dry, at the end of the day, these are the things I’d rather have in my life than not. I always promise myself that I’d sustain a life outside of school, that I won’t allow myself to stop growing and experiencing things as a person because of school, but its definitely harder in grad student.

Soooo…goodbye Busy Schedule….at least for the next 40 days!

Random Thought #1: Somewhat relating to what I wrote in my last posting, here's something I stole (with permission!) off my buddy Lon's blog. Hehe..considering we've shared some stuuupid times together, I was blown away by some of the stuff he wrote. But its good stuff…stuff that's been on my mind and in my heart, except deeper…and more eloquent…and wiser..hehe..here it is:

"The mission must always be conveyed as hope for the world because that is what the good news is. Followers of Jesus are to be voices of hope, encountering culture and relevantly communicating the purposes of God for all humanity. Today people are not looking for a hell to get out of or a heaven to get into, but a reason to live and to die. The world must know that this is what the God of the living offers. Christians must see the hope of God in people. Just as God believes in us more than we believe in Him, we must believe in people more than they may believe in themselves. The hope is not something new to believe in, but a new life as it was intended to be lived. This hope is in a life before death, not just after. The mission offers the world hope of life, and life to the fullest."

Random Thought #2: Here's one of the funniest Christian video I’ve ever seen! Remember the old “Baby Got Back” song? This is a different slant on it…LoL. Its so funny…but in a way, it still seems a little sacreligious…hehe…but check it out

<http://www.philpang.com/media/babygotbook.wmv>

My Window At Timmies

2005-02-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

There was one morning last week, where I didn't have to be at school until 10 or 11 am and since I have to leave home at 7am anyway, I decided to go to the Timmies near my building downtown to grab a coffee and do some work before class started. I chose a table next to the window that looked out into the intersection of Dundas & University. And for a while, I just sat there and watched people walk by - mostly b/c I was procrastinating and partly b/c I've always found it really interesting to observe people begin their day. That morning I saw an array of people on the streets. It was nothing special, I can imagine it'd be the same on any given morning, just that usually I'd be somewhere else (probably dozing off in lecture). As the morning went by, I saw a construction worker popping in for a quick coffee; an army of policemen headin' off on bikes; a couple of homeless people sleeping on street vents to stay warm; an elderly lady walking gingerly with a stroller; 2 students engrossed with one another and obviously in love; and a cocky businessmen chatting on his cell phone, only to name a few. And as I watched these people walk by my window at Timmies, heading off to wherever they were going to that morning, and off to do whatever it is that they were on their way to, I wondered to myself just what God had in store for them that day. Moreover, when I watched these random people walking along the street, I wondered if they would come know or experience God in some way that day.

To be honest, I think that I must come into contact with hundreds of people each day just like those that I observed that morning, whether on the subway, at school, on the streets or wherever. 99% of these people are just random faces with whom I have no connection to. They serve no significance or importance to me, and for the couple of moments that these people enter into my life, I think very little of whoever it is that has just crossed my path. But as each person walked by my window that morning at Timmies, I had a chance to slow down and think about just who these people really are. Albert pointed me towards this passage in Psalms as I was preparing for a Bible study last week with my classmates:

"O LORD , you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you."

~Psalm 139:1-18

As I read that passage, I got this image of God delicately putting me together piece by piece, with the warmth and love that only a Maker could have for His creation. The patience and care that must go into gently molding me and refining me. The heartache and hurt that comes from knowing each and every one of my doubts, insecurities, fears and failures. As the One who searches me and knows me, my Creator knows me inside and out; better than I even know myself. But not only do I see this for myself, but also for those souls that passed by my window that morning at Timmies. Souls that were "fearfully and wonderfully created" one by one in the image of our Father in Heaven and claimed as His own. Souls that were carefully crafted with love, just like mine had been. Souls that seem insignificant to me, yet were specially designed and woven together with passion.

Have you ever tried to look at people the way God sees them? Can we look beyond the surface to see God's image in the people we come into contact with every day? Can we see God’s PASSION in each and every one of them? We can, I am certain of that. We’d never look at each other the same again.

Blogging Hiatus

2005-02-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

Haven’t been bloggin’ much in the last little while. I really haven’t felt like writing much lately so I’ve been on a little blogging hiatus, but here are some updates on me:

My Heart and My Intentions
Lately, I’ve really made an effort to stop and look into my own heart to search my intentions and motives for what I do, including what I write. Its even one of the reasons I've stopped writing so much lately. It is humbling when God shows you something not so good about your own self that you didn’t even know. It’s scary that I’ve found that it’s very easy for me to even fool myself sometimes. When you clear away all the clutter and really get down to the very core of your heart, you may be surprised at what you find. Even seemingly good intentions could be masking prideful or selfish ambitions. It takes guts, because y'know that once you've exposed something undesirable, you will have to change it. Not really sure how else to say it, but to say that God’s definitely been refining me, I’ve been trying to refine myself…just a lot of refining goin’ on lately for me.

Personal Worship
I’ve been spending a lot of time in personal worship lately. I’ll get ready for bed, turn off the lights in my room, grab my guitar and just sit on my bed just worshipping God in the dark and enjoying His presence. Usually I’ll pull open the blinds to the window near my bed and stare out into huge expanse of the heavens at night, making me feel like the smallest thing in the world and God largest. Yet I feel special and empowered, because these are the times when I know that I have the Great Creator of this world all to myself. I have always cherished my alone times with God. Don’t get me wrong, I really love community, but there are times when I feel like I need to be alone in the presence of God. These are times in which nobody else in the world seems too important for my God to be right here with me for as long as I need Him to be. Try it sometime =D

PT Small Group
Ever since I accepted the offer to study PT at U of T, I’ve really been praying for my class, my classmates and most of all what God has purposed for me in my 26 months in the program. I’ve been getting perhaps a little glimpse of what’s to come in the last week or so and its exciting! On Monday a few of us Christian students in our class decided finally to get together to do a Bible study. Its something that I prayed about quietly in 1st semester, and waited on God for. A few of my Christian classmates had been asking me about fellowships and Bible studies on campus, but our class schedule seemed to interfere with EVERYTHING. So when Tegan asked me again about Bible studies last week, I finally decided to go for it and suggested that I could lead one for our classmates. It went pretty good =D and we’ve decided to meet every Monday at lunch now! The only thing is that right now its just me and 5 girls…hehe…too much estrogen for me. So I’m really praying hard for at least one other brother b/c I’ve always valued that brotherhood relationship. But I’m really looking forward to what God has in store for our little group of PT Christian students =D

International Health Opportunities
Today I attended an International Health speaker series on building partnerships for rehabilitation in Cameroon. I’ve been excited about this lecture ever since I heard about it b/c international health’s been something I’ve definitely been feeling a growing excitement for ever since I came into this program. Y’know its weird, I’ve never really felt specifically called to go on missions yet in my life, but it seems as if I really do have a purpose now to go. I’ve been feelin’ that little tug to go lately, so I’m hoping to do my final clinical placement in a developing area – perhaps Africa or China. I’m really excited! One of my profs is the chair for the International Division of the CPA (Canadian Physiothearpy Association) and he told me to give him a call and we'd talk! Hehe...But I won’t get too ahead of myself just yet, b/c I don't want to trivialize the purposes God has for me to be here now. And even if I go, it won’t be for another 1.5 years and there’s about a million and 1 things that need to go my way for me to be allowed to go. But I guess its just something really kool to dream about..hehe.

I Miss Student Life
I really miss the student life. Last week I took a little time off school (hehe) and decided to take a road trip to visit some friends in Waterloo and MAC. It was good times, just chillin’ and hanging out and doing nothing. Yup that was what my undergrad life consisted off…what good times…Sigh...I got a chance to catch up with Silas a little bit downtown a couple days ago and he burned for me the videos he made for our CCF grad nite last year. Watching the old videos was kind of sad b/c it really made me miss the community I had at MAC. I think I’ll eventually stop reminiscing about MAC, but not yet..hehe. I've come to terms with the fact that MAC isn't the same now anyway even if I did go back, so what I miss is what I remember MAC as, not what it is now. But not really finding that sort of community in Toronto yet has helped me truly appreciate how special HCCF was. I met some really special people at MAC and we became more than a fellowship, we really became family. Looking at where everyone is now, it really makes me believe that God brought us all together so that we could equip and build each other up to prepare for our next step in life. And even as we obediently go off in pursuit of whatever God has called us to after MAC, I still find myself missing that special group of people that I've shared so much of my life with. So sad =(

Anyway, that’s the end of the updates…peaz

Randomness

2005-01-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

I haven’t been writing much lately. I started a couple posts, but it didn’t seem like I could really articulate myself properly, so I decided against posting them. But here is some randomness on me in the past week or so =D

School

School’s keeping me really busy. I’ve been kinda zoning in and out during lecture in the past few days, but just looking around the room, I can tell that I’m not alone. Hehe…we just finished our Anatomy EXAM last Wednesday. Serious...they really threw us right back into the grind right away after the Christmas break. Any benefits I got during the holidays I’ve lost already, cuz it feels like it should be the end of the semester already. And now I’m trying to catch up on the first few weeks of this term b/c I sorta neglected that to study for Anatomy. I need a mental health day sometime soon…hehe…but its only week 3...of 17!…with no reading week! Anyway, I got an uplifter yesterday, checked my final first semester grade…and I got an A minus! =D

RoadTrip To Windsor

Took a mini-roadtrip to Windsor last weekend to visit my old housemates Ee-laine and Ernie. It was the shortest roadtrip EVER, but we managed to pack a lot into it. Left downtown T.O with Amy and Shaun around 2pm Friday and got back to T.O in the wee hours of Sunday morning. In b/w we got a tiny glimpse of Windsor, realized that there was more to do across the border so we went across to Auburn Hills, Michigan to go shopping. Went back to downtown Detroit to check out the North American International Auto Show. Apparently it’s the largest car show in North America and possibly in the entire world! It was so sick, I’m not even really a car buff but some of those cars made me drool =D I guess they don’t call Detroit the “Motor City” for nothin’. They sure do take their cars seriously over there =D I have crazy pics (courtesy of Shaun) if you guys are fans.

Here is an actual conversation b/w us and the US customs officer:

Officer: “So, WHAT are you guys bringing across the border?”
Ernie: “Nothing much”
Officer: “Nothing much?!? That means there is something!! It was a YES or NO question!!”

Worship Team

I’m pretty excited about worship team this coming year. Our first practice in January, we had a pretty good time of reflection on the previous year. After getting out what needed to be said to each other, we decided to close the door on 2004 and to look ahead to what is coming up before us in 2005. It dawned on me that perhaps what this team needed was to practice LESS, not practice more. Sounds kinda illogical and counter-intuitive, but I think this year we’ll spend more time on trying to build ourselves into a small group community type of thing. We spent last Tuesday night just having dinner with each other and doing devos. Hopefully we’ll get a chance to go out and serve the community somehow too. I’m excited =D

Exercise

So this year I’ve made a new year’s resolution…for my parents…LoL. I’m trying to get them to exercise more. Now that I’m home for good, I’ve been feeling more and more that I really need to encourage them to change their lifestyle. Knowing what I know about the human body, about risk factors and about exercise prescription, I can’t stand around and NOT do something about it y’know? As incentives, I bought my dad sneakers for Christmas and I offered to cook dinner for my mom so they could hit up the treadmill. I feel bad though, I actually got kinda pissed at my mom tonite cuz I found out she finished the entire bag of cheerios mix. She’s downstairs exercising right at this very moment…hehe…I will apologize when she’s done.

Random Thought: Here’s a question for ya. “What’s your DREAM?“

Was talking to Shaun and Amy about it on the way home from Windsor. For some reason we had trouble answering that question. We couldn’t really articulate what our dreams were at the present moment, only those we had when we were younger. Dreams like going into outer space or becoming a fireman or flying and stuff like that. My dream was to play 3rd base for the Toronto Blue Jays, like my favourite player, Kelly Gruber. But now, all we can come up with are things that related to career or family or kids or whatever. Boooooooring! HAVE WE LOST THE ABILITY TO DREAM?!? NOOOOOOOO…Have become the boring adults from Peter Pan?!?! Oh man…that would be real sad. I guess now that we’re older, we’re probably a little bit more rooted in reality. But something inside me believes that we should all reserve a little place in our hearts to dream with all our creativity and without reservation.

So what is your Dream?

Be Still and Sleep

2005-01-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

I had a hard time trying to get to sleep last nite. I slept only 3.5 hrs, which made me a really spaced out PT student at my clinical session today..hehe. Its weird, every once in a while in the past few months, I’ve been so distracted at times that I’ve had trouble passin’ out. Most of the time its cuz there’s been a lot on my mind and I just can’t seem quiet down the commotion inside my head to be able to drift peacefully off into slumber. I’ve never really been one to be afraid of being alone with my own thoughts – some of my best insight come from sleepless nights, but sometimes it can be pretty draining. Trying to sleep on a troubled mind and soul, the unresolved thoughts and burdens of the day persist, waiting to be reconciled. I find myself pondering things that I should just let go of, and trying to sort out things on my own that I need to wait on God for anyway. I wish I could just "be still and sleep".

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
The storms are raging on God’s deep,
God’s deep, not yours; be still and sleep.

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s hands will still the Tempter’s sweep,
God’s hands, not yours; be still and sleep.

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s love is strong while night hours creep,
God’s love, not yours; be still and sleep.

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep;
God’s heaven will comfort those who weep,
God’s heaven, not yours; be still and sleep.

From “Streams in the Desert”

Random Thought: Found out today that some of my classmates also take time now to buy Larry coffee and muffins and stuff. Makes me happy =D

Reflection on 2004: Seeking God's Will

2005-01-05T20:22:00.000-08:00

2004 has been a year of desperately searching for God’s will in many areas of my life. So many changes, so many decisions to be made that at times I found myself wishing that these decisions would simply be made for me. It just seemed that this year I stood at countless crossroads trying to figure out and listen to which way God wanted me to turn. Looking back, I really wish I could’ve made these choices in my life with the confidence and trust that I know I should, but if I were to really be honest with myself, I would have to admit that there can be times when I’m just too scared to move.

It kinda makes me think back to a backpacking trip I took in my final year of undergrad at MAC. We drove 5-6 hrs up north to hike for a few days in an untouched part of the Bruce trail that not many people ever get to see. But even before we began, I knew that my wobbly ankles and the 50+ pounds of gear on my back wouldn’t make the hike easy. And sure enough, the first thing I noticed was that the trail wasn’t a nicely level path paved with gravel. Rather it was formed from the surfaces of large uneven rock with big cracks and crevices in between. The trail was so narrow at some points that we could only manage single file, sometimes having to climb over 15 foot boulders and all the while trying to avoid tree branches as we passed through. If that wasn’t hazardous enough, the odd tree root would surface in the middle of your path ready to trip you up if the slippery rocks hadn’t already. Finally though, after a few hours we approached where we would eventually make camp for the night. But even then, the only way to get down there was to traverse backwards one at a time down a steep 40 foot embankment, holding on to a rope for dear life. To make things worse, at this point it began to pour heavily, the already slippery rocks became even more treacherous.

Oh, and I forgot to mention one thing. We began the hike around midnight, meaning the entire trek was made in pitch darkness (the kind where you can’t see your hand in front of your face), save for a tiny light that I wore around my forehead. That light was only good enough to shine a narrow spot on wherever it was pointed at and nothing more. The whole experience that night was somewhat surreal, kinda like a cross between Fruedo’s journey in LOTR and The Blair Witch Project.

There are times where God may reveal some of His long term plans to us; but like that night out on the Bruce Trail, there are also times when we may only know enough to take our very next step. The more I think about it, I’m not really sure which one I would prefer. I guess if we knew too much about our tomorrows, we may become fearful and seek to avoid that which is undesirable, but important for us grow as individuals. But on the other hand, knowing too little of where we are headed causes us to wander aimlessly, lacking any type of direction or understanding whatsoever.

I guess its kinda fitting though, that we are placed somewhere in between, teaching us to balance faith with understanding, action with patience, vision with reflection, and hunger with fulfillment. When I shared with an older brother once about my difficulty in seeking God’s will and understanding my future direction, he responded with this: “It shouldn’t be too hard if you are constantly talking to Him. Just begin to move on what you know and the rest should fall into place”. It is this balance that we must seek; a balance between moving on God’s will and waiting on His call. God places us perfectly in the middle of knowing everything and knowing nothing, so that we may learn obedience as followers and disciples of the Cross.

When I think back to that night on the Bruce trail, I realize now that I made it through the trek one step at a time. I couldn’t completely tell where I was going, but I did know that my next step was sturdy because that little light around my forehead was enough to provide reassurance of the ground directly in front me. And as I ponder the tracks in my life, what more do I need from our Father than to have my very next step lit up for me? Looking ahead, I know that this type of trust is something I will need to work on this coming year, for I have not yet cleared all the crossroads that have come my way. Fear is a demon that I must defeat if I want to be able to make decisions with any type of certainty. Despite not being able to see further ahead down the road, I know I can still move with confidence as long as His light is shining on the path of my next step. In faith and assurance I must choose to take that step forwards.

It is solid ground.

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

Alas, an entire year has come and gone, and another is upon us. It’s a time to start over, to start new, to recommit ourselves to good habits and to kick the bad ones. The slate is clean and I am truly proud to say that thus far in the infancy of our new year I have yet to:

1) Drink coffee
2) Piss anyone off
3) Embarrass myself
4) Dislike anybody
5) Fart or expel any other bodily gases

2004 has certainly been a year of change for me. There were a lot of big question marks in my life; some were answered and others just got larger. I finished my undergrad, I left Hamilton, I came back home for good, and I chose my future career. I struggled to stay in touch with close friends, tried to reacquaint myself with old ones and had the pleasure of meeting new brothers and sisters all at the same time. This year has had its share of successes and failures, inspiring and discouraging moments, up ands downs.

While this time is a time to look forward, to look ahead, I am a firm believer that before moving on and turning the page on yet another year in our lives, we should look back and reflect upon the departing year. We must acknowledge where we came from before we continue on to where we are headed. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and hopefully in the next little while I’ll be able to sort it all out and coherently post some of my thoughts on 2004. Until then, Have a wonderful New Year!

Random Thought: Since the beginning of this blog posting, the status of #5 above has now been changed to “uncertain” and its accuracy is currently sketchy at best.

A Different Perspective On Christmas

2004-12-29T10:28:00.000-08:00

This Christmas has been a little different for me. Its still been a wonderful time, but unlike previous years, I’ve chosen not to make my holidays an insane rush of people to see and places to be, rather I’ve sorta been taking it a little easy. I think its b/c I need some time to rest up physically and mentally before another gruelling semester of school more than anything else. Its given me time to really reflect and understand how truly blessed I am to be exactly where I am. On the same note, this Christmas I’ve really been more in tune and more sensitive to the fact that Christmas time isn’t always a wonderful time for everybody. More and more, God’s making me aware that human suffering does not take a break to allow for holiday festivities and celebrations.

A couple days ago, I was absolutely shocked as I first got news of the earthquake/tsunami that hit Asia. The United Nations is calling this one of the worst natural disasters in history, requiring probably the largest humanitarian effort ever. The death toll of 80, 000 could double by the time they reach all parts that have been affected, and at least a million are now displaced or left homeless. My jaw dropped in horror as I watched the horrible clips of the carnage that these countries have been reduced to. But what broke my heart the most was looking at the pictures of those who have had to bury their sons, daughters, relatives and friends in the aftermath of this disaster. The pain and grief that were painted on their faces is something that is beyond my ability to fathom. And those are the ones that have been “fortunate” enough to survive. Merry Christmas eh?

I’ve been fortunate enough to have never had someone close to me pass away, but a few of my close friends have experienced that – even a couple within the past few weeks. At MAC, the chaplaincy holds a Blue Holiday Service every year during Christmas time to acknowledge suffering and for those who wish to remember loved ones they have lost (or just be around people who understand). If you can imagine, one’s absence is especially felt hard during Christmas time. At a time when family and friends come together to share the season with each other, a loss amongst one of their own is magnified all the more.

I also found myself thinking about what Larry’s been up to for Christmas. I went down with Kat last week to take him out for lunch and to give him our present. It was a blistering cold Monday and the moment I stepped out of the house that morning, I knew that there could be a chance that he wouldn’t be out there at his usual spot outside of St. Patrick station. I guess I sorta had mixed feelings b/c on one hand, I hoped he was out there b/c I didn’t want Kat to be disappointed again and have come all the way downtown for nothing. On the other hand, it was so insanely cold that I wouldn’t wish that anybody would have to be out there on the streets at all that day. I will never forget what Larry told me one time about what its like to be on the streets. He told me that this time of year is a really scary time for people on the streets b/c on top of everything else, they go to sleep each nite not knowing whether they’ll ever wake up. It really struck me that when I woke up Christmas morning, I celebrated family, friends, food and comfort. For those on the streets, they wake up Christmas morning and celebrate that they woke up.

Hehe…I guess I sound pretty depressing eh guys? But y’know, its not my intention to make anybody to feel guilty for celebrating Christmas and being jolly and happy and all that. We ALL should celebrate Christmas! It symbolizes the birth of a new hope for “All the people” (Luke 2:10-11). But my prayer is that this season our eyes may be opened to all the blessings in our lives that we have been blind to for so long. And perhaps we may bring this hope that we know of to God’s people through love.

These holidays have been a little different for me, but I am so lucky to be able to enjoy Christmas anyway I want.

There Once Was A Girl Who Got Stuck In A Snowbank

2004-12-26T21:17:00.000-08:00

So a little story…

Today on the way home from our weekly post-church lunch, a girl around my age waved us down on the side of the road. Her car had slid into a snow bank, she didn’t have a cell phone and she needed help to get out. So we pulled over and started to help her push her car out of the bank. A few moments later, a big white fella pulled over too and started to push with us, and after a few quick pushes, we got her car out of the snow bank! By that time she was good to go, but still yet another guy pulled over and popped his head out of his car, ready to help if we had needed him to.

To be honest, it was nothing big. We helped her get her car out of the snow bank and after thanking us, she was on her way. The whole ordeal was over in a matter of a couple minutes. She didn’t seem as if she had been stranded there long, so we were probably one of the first to pass by. But as we drove away, I couldn’t help but think about whether the other 2 cars would’ve stopped to help if me and Henry hadn’t first decided to get out of our warm car into the nasty cold to help this girl. I dunno, I guess they probably would’ve anyway – I choose to trust in the goodness of mankind – but inside I’m still a little glad we got there first to help.

You ever see those commercials on tv where one person does something nice for another person, and then that person in turn goes and does something nice for another person, and they do something nice to the next and then so on and so forth? A little part of me wonders whether that girl went on to wherever she was going today and decided to do something good for someone else, because we chose to do something good for her. In my heart, I hope that she does, so that the cycle may go on and on, but whether or not she did doesn’t really matter all that much to me. I find joy in knowing that she experienced a little bit of God’s love today through us although she most probably will never know it. And if she ever does pass it on, it’ll be God’s love that is passed on to the next and the next whether anyone one of them ever realizes it or not. I personally think that's kinda kool.

So yeah, just a little story....and a quick thought…peaz

“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19)

Random Thought: Congrats to Priscilla Siu ("Jing Ting" Goo Jeh) who got married in Korea on Christmas Day!

T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

2004-12-24T22:32:00.000-08:00

T’was the night before Christmas, in front of the computer I sat,
Not a creature was stirring, ‘cept for Ari, my cat.

My stockings are NOT hung by the chimney with care,
They’re on the ground with all my clothes, I really like ‘em there!

The Siu men were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of manly things wrestled around in their heads.

Many worry that us men shall starve Christmas night,
But Henry watches Food TV, I think we’ll be alright!

Though Christmas isn’t the same without the mother and sister here,
Don’t ever tell Winnie she’s missed, Good Gosh! Oh Dear!

All joking aside, I really do have a reason,
To remember just how blessed I am in this season.

I have family and friends, I am warm and well fed,
That's why my heart desires to bless others instead.

Tonight is Silent night, the whole world awaits
God’s present is coming! Down from His heavenly gates.

His gift so perfect, of Hope and of Love,
God’s one and only Son, sent to us from above.

My friends, don't ever forget that we are blessed, I pray
T’was the night before Christmas; Tomorrow is CHRISTMAS DAY!

Merry Christmas!

Somewhere In Between

2004-12-21T23:49:00.000-08:00

I got ditched by my dad and Henry for dinner tonite (hehe j/k)…but that was ok cuz I gave my good ol’ housemate Amy a ring and off we were to Milestones for dinner. It was great just catchin’ up and stuff, haven’t done that in a long time. But something she said to me during dinner really made me think. She said something to the extent of….Knowing where you’re supposed to be, but understanding that maybe its not the time for you to be there yet.

That thought really struck me and made me think about last night. Last night I listened to a sister share the great news that she had finally found a job that was perfect for her and gave her closure to a large question mark in her life. Those of us who had known her for these past three years knew of her battle with understanding and trusting where God was leading her. All the seemingly pointless endeavours and dead end roads, being led back into the desert again and again with no destination for what seemed like no purpose. We all knew her struggle and could really feel her joy as she shared the news with us.

The question I was asking myself last nite afterwards was: “Could you wait three whole years for God’s plans and purposes to be revealed; three whole years for all the trials and struggles in your life to finally be unmasked as divine blessings in disguise?”

Personally, I’ve really been searchin’ for God’s will in my life lately too. And now as I enjoy a break from my studying, I have time to really reflect back on my first semester back in Toronto. I realize now how confusing and challenging these last 4 months have been for me. I’ve struggled a lot more coming back home than I had anticipated. I had a really hard time getting good sleep, especially around the time of exams, b/c there’s been a lot running through my mind – other than school…go figure. God’s lead me through a period in the desert spiritually, where at times I have felt dry and empty, sometimes feelin’ a little alone, sometimes withdrawing myself on purpose and for the most part just wandering around aimlessly not knowing if I’m headed in the right direction at all. And as I try to understand and seek God’s purposes all the more, I am wary that every time I am told to move, I could be led right back into the confines of this all too familiar desert that leaves me with more questions than answers when coming out.

Here are some lyrics to Lifehouse songs that I’ve always been able to identify with:

(Somewhere In Between)
I can’t be losing sleep over this, no I can’t
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, I’ll have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand stillI can’t be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning I’ll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

(Everything)
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that is leading me
To the place where I find peace again

You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul, you are my purpose
You are everything

Sometimes God brings us into the desert to prepare us for something in our lives. It could even be something great that He’s preparin’ us for! But for some of us – like me – it takes a little time in the desert until we are fully able and prepared to submit and listen to what God has to say to us. Most likely, what He has to say will be important.

I’m ready to listen, please speak to me.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

2004-12-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

Does it ever feel great to be done! =D

It was a grind, but now I can forget that I'm a student for 2 weeks and have a little fun! You could see the relief in everyone's faces at the class party after the exam friday nite too. Everyone must've been so exhausted, but energized and renewed by the sense that we all got thru our final exam and we can forget that we are PT students for a while =D And y'know what's interesting? it seemed like everyone got haircuts! Including me...haha...I guess everything does kinda get put off to the side during exam time. But, I'm done now, so its back to showering daily for me..hehe...j/k =D But alas, now what do I do with my time? Its like there's this big void in my life, now that there's no more studying. Seriously, I felt a little guilty sleeping so much and not being productive for the last couple of days! What's wrong with meee??? Its like study withdrawl. Yo, if anyone sees me just wandering the streets aimlessly, all disoriented and stuff...PLEASE give me a textbook. I neeeeeeed it. Ah yeee...That's good stuffff....

I'm not really sure what my plans are this Christmas actually. Like I've got a few Christmas parties and social gatherings to go to, but its odd that I don't have many family commitments this year. My mom's in Hong Kong right now and Winnie's joinin' her once she's done exams, so its gonna be me, Henry and my dad for Christmas this year taking care of my grandma and Ari (our cat). LoL...let me paint you a picture of MAN Christmas 2004...we're gonna sit around the table unshaven and in our boxers on Christmas day. Christmas dinner will be cereal with chocolate milk and instant noodles with weiners...oooooh...gourmet. Our presents will be money and electronic gadgets, unwrapped of course, cuz wrapping paper just wastes everybody's time. And instead of doin' stuff, we'll all sit down together and watch tv...preferably some sort of violent sport or action movie. Now that's a real manly man's Christmas. None of that girly hugging stuff for us...every once in a while we shall trade forearm bashes and chest thumps instead.

Interesting thing...this year a bunch of us friends decided to take the money we'd spend on our gift exchange and donate it to those who are less fortunate than we are. So we decided that this year, our gift exchange limit would be $5 worth of raw materials and we'd have to make something that's worth more than $5 in sentimental value. With the money we saved, here are some of the things we could get (from the World Vision website):

"The packages are distributed to those in greatest need. In other cases, the gifts are distributed to a community (eg. Fruit trees). Gifts are given at the discretion of the staff and local workers with World Vision. All the animals are purchased from local markets, both supporting their economy and preventing the introduction of new livestock that might not otherwise thrive in a new territory. The cost of each includes includes basic starter feed and/or technical training in raising the animals or farming new crops."

A. New Class Supplies per class - $50
4 Harvest Packs - $35
Food for 30 Children/month - $45
Warm Clothing for 25 Children - $30
Total : $160

B. 10 Fruit Trees - $60
2 Piglets - $70
4 Harvest packs - $35
Total : $165

C. 4 Olive Trees - $35
2 Hens/1 Rooster - $35
New Classroom Supplies - $50
Food for 30 Children/per month - $45
Total : $165

D. Stock a Medical clinic - $100
10 Fruit Trees - $60
Total : $160

E. Clean Water for family of 5 - $150
F. 1 Goat - $150
G. 1 Sheep - $150

It honestly surprised me, how little it took to pay for these things. Really makes you think though eh?

Random Thought: Y'know what I'm thinking though? Amelia brought this up and I agree. How pigs cost only $35 and Sheeps are $150??? Its discrimination! Besides, its all about the Cha Siu anyway man...I'd take the pig any day.

Pre-Test

2004-12-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

The time has come...

In a 1/2 hour I will FINALLY write my unit final exam. In 3.5 hrs (at the most)...I can forget that I'm a student! for two weeks...hehe

sooooo....I'm bloggin' b/c I have nothing else to do....Us commuters unfortunately have to aim to get to school like an hour early in case our dear public transit system lets us down. Its the stuff nightmares are made of...LoL

I think mentally I've started vacation already...hehe. The last week or so has been anything BUT study intensive. There was just too much to cram into my head and too many other things to do that my strategy was more "preservation of knowledge" than "Learn everything I don't know"...hehe...and it wasn't particularly motivating that I only needed 44.5% on this final to get my passing 70% for this unit. Although its not really about passing exams anymore...I should know all this stuff or else I'm gonna suck as a PT...LoL. Its scary to think that after today, I'll be finished learning all that I'm gonna be taught on chest physiotherapy...scary cuz I don't think I know that much still...scccccaaaaaarrry

alrite, its GO TIME. Off to the land of COPD and ARDS....ECG's and Diabetes...Cystic Fibrosis and HIV...Pulmonary Hypertension and Pulmonary Embolus...Coronary Artery Disease and Exercise Prescription...CABG's and Pneumonectomy's...hehe...there's much much more....so see you all on the other side. We party afterwards! =D

peaz

Sleeeeeeepp

2004-12-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

Six more days until I can forget that I’m a student…at least for a little bit. So close, yet its going to be such a grind until then. My brain feels like it gonna give up soon, and my body already has a while ago. I came home the last couple of nights completely intending to hit the books, but I just crashed in front of the tv, trying to give the circuits in the ol’ brain a little breather. Physically I’ve been wearing down a little bit too. I’ve been catchin’ about 6 hours sleep at the most each night for the past week or so except for last nite (Fri) which I caught 10 hrs. Hehe…that’s the way it is now. When Friday night 10:30 pm comes along, its no longer, “Alright, let’s go out!”…its, “Alright, I’m going to bed, Goodnight!”

I’ve definitely been feelin’ the pressure a little bit as the days wind down toward the final exam. If I thought that there was a lot to study for the midterm, the final’s almost twice as much! Crazy…I tried to “condense” my notes again…I stopped 2/3 of the way thru my notes cuz I was already over 90 pages! What a freakin’ waste of time…again…LoL I’ve also sorta noticed that my classmates are stressin’ a little bit now too. Everyone is lacking in sleep these days and we’re all a little less (or a lot less) coherent…LoL…its kinda funny actually. And everyone deals the stress in a different way I guess. Some become a little more reclusive, some seem a little bit more edgy, some totally flip out and others just don’t seem like they’re worried at all.

Something I’ve been doing regularly since the summer is that I’ve just been prayin’ for my classmates. Nothing special or specific, I’m not praying that they all become Christians instantly or nothin’ like that, but just praying for them because I want them to be prayed for. And especially around this time I remember to lift up a lil’ prayer for them as well as I prepare to study. I’ve been prayin’ also just for opportunities for me to share my faith with my classmates in some way. There have been little hints and avenues starting to open up, but until these opportunities present themselves, it gives me pleasure knowing that I can serve my classmates in prayer, even if they don’t know about it.

Anyway, enough rambling..time to get back to the books…peaz =D

Random Thought: BTW if anyone is thinking road trip after Christmas, I AM SO IN!

Random Stuff

2004-12-08T19:45:00.000-08:00

Its crunch time…don’t have much time to post…so here’s little tidbits of what’s goin’ on in my life:

School

School’s crazy…I get up before the sun goes up and come home after the sun sets. Man, I’m gonna get so pasty from lack of sun. My final exam’s next Friday. Its gonna be a grind between now and then. But have no fear! I’ve got a SICK PLAN! I will save time by sacrificing the following:

1) TV
2) Sleep
3) Going out/Social Interactions
4) Exercise (Thus I will die of Coronary Artery Disease while studying ways to prevent it…the Irony…)
5) Changing my clothes
6) Brushing my teeth

Annual Phsyical

Had my annual physical check-up last Saturday. My check-up was interesting this year though…cuz I now understood everything he did. And now that I understand…man, he did a crappy job with the assessment! Maybe experience means that you can be crappy and still get the job done?

Funny story. Had to do a blood & urine test, so no eating after midnight the night before. However I did drink lotsa water so that…uh…I would have plenty. So stupid me, I wake up in the morning, stumble half awake to the bathroom – like I do every morning to uh…detoxify…and then half-way thru I realize “OH CRAP! I need it for later.............too late” So I end up trying to suck down like a litre of water before I get to the Doc’s office. Funny thing is that its not the first time that’s happened to me…

My thoughts

Its gettin’ cold out there guys…which really a scary thing for a lot of people who aren’t as fortunate as us. Please take some time to do something nice for somebody else, no strings attached, y’know what I mean? These have been swimming around in my mind. Its something that’s really been in my heart lately:

“Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.” (Duet. 15:10-11)

“Does it make you a king to have more and more cedar? Did not your father have food and drink? He did what was right and just, so all went well with him. He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” (Jer. 22:15-16)

"There is enough for everyone's needs, but not enough for everyone's greed" (Ghandi)

Alrite...back to studying...more random stuff during my next study break...peaz

I hate sucking

2004-12-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

I hate sucking. It drives me nuts.

Made my return to the AFC basketball league last night. UT intramural volleyball’s done now (we won!! =D) so I dusted off the old #24 uniform and suited up for my church for the first time in 4 years. Final Stats: 25 min, 1 point, 1 dime, 2 boards, 0 for 1 FG, 1-2 FT, 1 Steal, 2 Turnovers, 1 Foul. Suckness! Its been a while since I’ve played any basketball and even longer since I’ve played with church people, so I was really looking forward to playing last night. I think the first omen that things weren’t gonna go my way was when I got inadvertently popped in the chops by nathan during warm-up. And it mostly went downhill from there. I left the team 4 years ago as the small forward or power forward, my role was mainly to run off screens, spot up and shoot jumpers. Last night…I started at…point guard…LoL.

I could feel that I didn’t have my legs pretty early in the game. Its kind frustrating cuz mentally you know you could play one step quicker and one inch higher, but when you don’t have legs for a particular game, its like your body just gives up on you. ARRGH!!…the most frustrating thing is knowing that you’re a lot better than you showed. Completely drives me nuts!…I’m still kinda pissed this morning…hehe I hate sucking. Even more than I hate losing…cuz we won last night, but I was still really cranky…LoL…weird eh? I think its just the whole thing about not doing your part, and having to have others pick up the slack that you dropped. I promise to be better next game.

Anyway…that’s my semi-coherent rant…yes, I admit that I’m 100% jock. Only jocks are still pissed the day after that they sucked and then write all about it in their blogs…LoL…peace

Random Thought: Ray mentioned a really good verse in his pre-game devo. I chewed on it for a while last night.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” ~ Proverbs 16:25 (NIV).

Another translation: “Sometimes there is a way that seems to be right, but in the end it is the way to death” (NRSV)

Trust

2004-11-29T19:04:00.000-08:00

Its kind of interesting that more and more lately I’ve been hearing from friends who seem to be going through a similar post-grad phase that I’m kind of struggling with right now. We all feel a little bit lost, a little bit disillusioned after being away from home for so long and then returning to a once familiar place that you don’t seem to really fit into anymore. Life in Hamilton was slower and more simple, but being in Toronto seems kind of stressful. It definitely raises your heart rate and blood pressure up a couple of notches b/c everything seems so much more rushed, more ordered, less lenient and less spontaneous. I don’t really know how to describe it, but the common thing I’m getting from most people is that “Its just different here”. I think I feel it the most when it comes to friendships and relationships and stuff. I think its more that before, we just never really needed a plan (or have a reason) to get together, we just did. And I knew that even if I decided to become a hermit in my house for a while, I’d still have 6 friends to hang out with and talk to. Now, the close friends that I couldn’t avoid before even if I wanted to, are now a little less accessible, just barely out of the reaches of my fingertips. I have to admit that I had taken for granted how easy it was to get together with brothers and sisters before.

Luckily I got a couple of chances to get together downtown with a few church friends over the course of this week. Its kind of funny how fast prayers can be answered sometimes. Last week, I wrote about how lonely I was feeling, missing old brothers and sisters, and just lacking a little bit of support as a whole. Those feelings are not entirely gone, but this week God has shown me that perhaps I am not as alone as I thought I was, if only I take a chance and reach out to those around me. The most important thing for me was that most of us are on in the same stage of life, on the verge of careers and tackling the real world. We were all just sharing about our struggles with understanding our calling in life and just being uncertain sometimes trying to figure out whether we are heading in the right direction or not. We talked about being uncertain as to where we were going to be a few years down the line, where we’re going live, what we’re going to do and stuff like that. I don’t know if this sounds bad, but I found it extremely comforting to know that I am not the only one who struggles with this. This past week has been such a refresher, just to be around people who are at the same stage of life as you are and are trying to overcome the same hurdles.

Got a chance to get together with Dave last Saturday and we were talking about being uncertain about things…especially women. Hehe I definitely trip up a lot trying to figure out and trust in that area of my life. The funny thing about trusting God with things in your life is that it doesn't really give you freedom from worry unless you are willing and able to fully accept that God's alternative may not necessarily be your own. Which means sometimes we may have to wait more than we would like for His purposes to be revealed and His intentions to play out. But unless we can accept an alternative that is not our own choosing, our trust is merely an exclusive hope. We are saying to God that we trust, but often even without knowing, we tell Him that He must move in our own direction, on our own terms. Isn't that where we all get tripped up sometimes in our walk?

I’m saying this more for myself I think. I will be the first to admit that this is the place that I struggle with the most. The whole idea of God taking control of each and every aspect of my life is so attractive on one hand b/c I know that His ways are larger than my own. Yet on the other hand, the whole idea that God could possibly lead me somewhere I may not want to be is so scary to me. Whether that be my career, where I'm going to be, or which girl I will end up with, I want to trust God with all these things, but deep down inside I think I just really want what I desire to play out. I wouldn't call it a selfish thing, it's just a natural thing. We all have our preferences and our aversions. But the fact that we cannot accept any alternative but our own causes us to be restless and worry, lacking that true inner peace that we all crave for. I think that's where I may be at sometimes.

So yeah, saying it is easy, doing it is harder. But I’m really glad I made time to get together with my church friends this week. =D

Saturday Night

2004-11-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

Ever have that feeling like you could be surrounded by so many people yet alone at the same time? I sorta feel like that now. Not like its an extreme sense of loneliness, but I sit here by myself in my room on Saturday night with the realization that there are probably more people in Hamilton (and elsewhere) at this moment that I would want to hang out with than there are here in Toronto. Where are yoooooooooouuu guuuuuuuys? Oh yeah…in Hamilton…right….hehe

I have come back home to my family, back to my home church and back to a city where I’ve spent the majority of my life. I’m surrounded again by people I know, and it should be great! However sometimes, I don’t really feel super happy about being back, but actually a little lost here. It is true that there are more people I know here, but sometimes I doubt if they really know me. And as much as there are tonnes of people to be around here in T.O., I have come to the realization that I would rather have a small group of true brothers and sisters around me than a crowd. The more people you know (or know you), the less they know of who you really are. I really miss that fellowship with people who really know me because spiritually its been a lonely time for me lately. I had a chat with Jen last week and she said the same thing to me. We’ve spent 4 years together at MAC, from first year in res to serving on the CCF committee, only to both come back home to U of T this year. We both find it strangely lonely here in T.O., missing the fellowship and support we once enjoyed from our brothers and sisters at MAC.

To be honest, I think the area which I miss my brothers and sisters the most is in ministry. Ministry’s really easy when things are going great and God is moving in new and exciting ways because all you really should do is hang on and enjoy the ride. But when times aren’t so great, it can be such a struggle. Sometimes there is a lot of hardship and sacrifice that you are called to take on in ministry and it is so precious to even have one person that understands the things that you have given up to serve others. Don’t get me wrong, its really not as if I need others to acknowledge my sacrifices, but I think I have taken for granted the value of having people who understand my situation and are willing to ride things out with me.

That being said, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for where I am right now. I cannot begin to describe how thankful I am that God has brought me back to T.O and has given me a chance to study in my program. And even though ministry may be tough, I am thankful because my own church has welcomed me back with open arms while many others struggle to integrate back into their home churches. Most importantly, I must be thankful b/c ever since I moved back here at the beginning of the summer, God has helped me begin to rebuild old relationships that have weakened and has introduced me to many new people into my life that have inspired me so much.

So…what do I mean by all this then?…LoL…I don’t know. I really don’t. I guess I’m still searching for what God’s real purposes are for me here. Do I trust God? Of course I do. But I guess I’m just one of those people who has trouble sometimes waiting for His purposes to play out. I know this transition will take time, but the wussy Gary inside me wants it to be over now. Its like I’m standing here with all these random little pieces to the puzzle, and instead of it being put together slowly, all I want is to throw them all up in the air and have them land perfectly together to give me a clear picture of where I am headed.

I know that this stage of my life will undoubtedly have a huge influence on my future and my direction. I am not ashamed to admit that I’m pumped and excited, yet afraid and confused all at the same time. I wish I could be more certain about things, but the real truth is that I'm not. Though this I know for certain: My place is here now and I press onwards because in the end I know that it is not me that is putting this puzzle together. I trust that when the last piece is snapped into place, what I will see will be greater than anything I could have ever imagined for myself.

Just my Saturday night rant…I need to get outta here and go out…see ya…haha

Bad English

2004-11-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

I told myself I'd spend this weekend catching up on school-work that's been piling up for the last 2 weeks or so...and what did I do? NOTHING! In fact, probably negative work considering how little sleep I've had this weekend. B/w heading into Hammy Friday night, picking up Tiff at the airport at 6:30 am on Saturday, Dim Sum with family, Heading downtown to watch Big Al warm-up the MAC men's varsity vball team, dinner in Chinatown, dessert with some HCEFC peeps @ Pickle Barrell, fellowship on Sunday and then back to Hammy Sunday night, there hasn't been much room to squeeze school in there. But it was a great weekend, and I'm ready to get back to work. Bring it on.

Random Thought: Here is a sign I saw the other day in Chinatown:

"Buy Phone Card, Get Free! Buy More, More Free!"

LoL...I don't even know where to start with that one...haha...you don't know how proud I was to be Chinese at that moment...sniff...I think a tear came to my eye.

Remembrance Day - "We Were Meant to Live For So Much More"

2004-11-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

I wasn’t home till late last night so I hadn’t even realized that Yassar Arafat had passed away until this morning when I looked up from the journal articles I was reading on the subway and glanced over at another rider reading the Metro. The big headline in the Star today was “TEARS, HOPE AFTER ARAFAT’S DEATH”. I’m not even sure what to think about this. I’ve been sort of following the Palestinian-Israeli conflict since my first year of university and his death certainly adds a new dimension to the situation. Like him or not, this man left a huge legacy with his friends and enemies alike. He was regarded as a hero and a spiritual leader to those who loved him, and a militant and terrorist to those who hated him. He was considered by the US and Israel as the biggest roadblock to peace in the Middle East. Some hope now that his death will pave the way for a solution to the conflict that has claimed the lives of so many people already. Others believe that his death will catalyze a chaotic struggle for power in that region which will lead to more fighting and death. I guess we shall see.

It is kind of ironic that the news Yassar Arafat’s death comes on the very day we remember those who have lost their lives fighting in wars. Today is the one day when the world stops merely for a single moment to contemplate our past mistakes and to vow that we will never allow them to happen again. More than a half century has passed since WWII, but have we really learned our lesson? Absolutely not. Today is Remembrance Day, and what do we remember from our mistakes? Not much. One need only look at the last half century and the condition of the world at present to realize that it is just as bad as it has always been, if not worse.

Y’know that song from Switchfoot, the one that has the line “We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?” Every time I hear that song on the radio, I get kind of sad. It’s a great song and all, but the degree of truth that that one line speaks is greater than anything we can fathom. If we were to look at it from God’s perspective, maybe we would begin to understand the travesty which our human race has become. When I think about how sad I feel for the world sometimes, I can only imagine the heaviness and dismay that our Creator must feel when He looks upon the condition of this world. As any parent would feel watching their children fight amongst themselves, God’s heart must be devastated to watch his creation destroying and killing one another.

We were created to be creatures of glory and praise, yet worship is the last thing I see when I look around. We were created to reflect the goodness of the one that created us, yet His image in us has been distorted to the point where it is unrecognizable anymore. We were created to be good stewards of this earth, yet we have desecrated and exploited His creation. We were created for so, so much more. When I look at myself, I know that I was created for so much more than what I offer the world right now. It is truly humbling.

What makes it even tougher to accept is that there are times when our world begins to scratch the surface of its potential. The aftermath of 9/11, the blackout of 2003, the few days every year surrounding Christmas show me that this world does in fact have the ability to love more and to be more. Perhaps this is really naïve of me, but sometimes I wonder how a world could taste such potential, yet still not desire it and want it badly.

Great Autumn Day!

2004-11-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

Today was such a great day outside. A nice breezy autumn day, where the sun is shining, but its not too warm outside. But its not too cold, just nice and crisp, so that you can be very very comfortable outside in a fleece or something. I love this time of year! Summer and Winter are ok too, but I'm not too fond of the weather extremes. And spring just smells like wet socks all the time. Yeah, so this is my kind of day. If someone ever asked me, what is your favourite type of weather...I'd totally just describe how it was like today. But you'd be surprised...you don't get asked that as much as you think.

It was such a great day outside, I just couldn't spend it inside....so what did I do? I decided to FINALLY clean my car! If you're interested, here are some of the things I found hidden in the many crevices of my camry:

$25 HMV gift certificate
Worship music
A flyer for indoor beach volleyball...that was from high school!
4 empty glasses/sunglasses cases
a handgrip strenthenger thing
a mug with a Bible verse on it that my mom gave me
a pair of scissors
A receipt for fitness depot
a hanger
2 umbrellas
The official signed documents of my contract with City of Toronto
2 sets of driving directions to Trent University for Campus Challenge for 2 different years!
THREE combs!
a Bible that I've been looking for for ages
a pump for like volleyballs or basketballs

that's about it...sorry...don't have a really exciting car =(

Random Thought: Next door there was a little kid, about 3 years old, raking leaves with his parents today. He yells over to his older brother, "Hey Kevin! Come over here and rakes leaves with me!" I was like..."aww, how cute...what a lovely family"

After, under his breath the kid said to himself, "Then I'm going to take this big rake, and hit him over the head with it."

hahaha...That reminds me of me and Henry when we were smaller...but the scary thing is, the kid said it so nonchalantly, in this sweet little 3-year old's voice...like he was explaining exactly how he was going to reek havoc on his brother's face to an imaginary audience or something...now that's evil man...I'm making sure the door's locked tonite...LoL

Recreational Thinker

2004-11-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today was pretty chillin’ b/c I didn’t go to my afternoon clinical session at Toronto General Hospital. I figured being around patients who’ve just had surgery and have compromised immune systems wasn’t the best idea, y’know me being sick and all. Actually, this entire week’s been an incredibly easy for me all things considered. Monday and Tuesday I got off class early at noon and yesterday I stayed at home all day because I was sick! Its weird, in undergrad you jump for joy if you’re sick and you have an excuse to miss class. Now, you stress out cuz by the time you get back, the rest of the class may have already left you in the dust…hehe However, this time off has definitely allowed me to rest up and recuperate a little bit. But my throat still feels like someone went into it with a power-sander, and drinking so much fluid has left me hurtling to the bathroom just in the nick of time on many occasions. It happened twice in one hour today in the middle of lecture, no jokes. LoL

Getting let off the hook for the hospital session today, I got a chance to have lunch and catch up with Kat. Actually she came downtown originally because we had arranged to take Larry – a man who panhandles outside of St. Patrick station that we’ve both gotten to know fairly well – out for lunch today. I was kinda disappointed, and I’m sure Kat was too when he wasn’t really feelin’ up to it. So we went back uptown to have lunch instead. We had a really interesting conversation, but once the got to like the really deep philosophical stuff, I think my eyes lit up…and then I had trouble shutting up. I’m sorry Kat!

I have a confession. I am a recreational thinker. You ever have a picture in your head of some guy who just goes to the top of a mountain, sits over the edge and just ponders the deeper questions in life? That’s me…Literally, I’ve done that before! Sometimes I just like to be alone, and then I have this weird internal monologue thing goin’ on inside my head, and I really just wonder about things. Some things I guess are a more personal, like my life, my purpose, and trying to find my significant other. Other things I just think a lot about and haven’t really come to any conclusions on, things like Christians, disillusionment, sacrifice, passion and just the world in general.

All this time off this week has given me some time just to reflect and ponder stuff. I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything substantially deep or particularly insightful, anything that reflects what I actually think about and struggle with. I’ve tried to, but all I have to show for it is a series of half-finished posts, topics that I have started to write about, but then decided against finishing for whatever reason. It doesn’t mean that there’s nothing goin’ on inside this head of mine, I guess it just means that I haven’t really sorted out all these random thoughts that I have on stuff. That, and I think I have verbal constipation. I’m such a slow writer.

I guess I always think a lot, especially on matters of my faith, because it helps my faith become my own. I’m not saying that this is the only way, just that it is my way of internalizing what I believe as something I personally believe, not merely something that I’ve been taught. That is a reality that I experienced in my first year of university, fresh out of the safe confines of my own church and my own circle of friends where everyone generally thought the same way. I realized that I really didn’t know JACK, and what’s more, I realized I didn’t really know why I believed the things that I did know. That came as a great shock to me, but was probably one of the most important lessons that I learnt in my four years of undergrad. Since then I’ve learned to challenge myself in the things I believe, so that when I am challenged by others, I can account for what I believe in. Besides, if it doesn’t stand the test, maybe its not worth believing in the first place.

Of course there is a limit to our understanding that we must all humbly accept. There are just some things that are beyond are ability to grasp, things that are irreconcilable to our limited capacity to comprehend. At that point, I am fine with not understanding. We can’t understand it all. I just believe that we have the potential to understand more than we currently do and more than we believe we are capable of.

"I do not try, Lord, to attain Your lofty heights, because my understanding is in no way equal to it. But I do desire to understand Your truth a little, that truth that my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand so that I may believe; but I believe so that I may understand. For I believe this also, that 'unless I believe, I shall not understand' [Isa. 7:9]" ~ St. Anselm

President Bush...Dun Dun Dun!

2004-11-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

So the results are in! Bush has won the US presidential elections one more time. This time probably a little more legitimately than last time. In 2000, he lost the popular vote, but this time not only did he win the elections, he ACTUALLY got MORE people in America to vote for him than the other guy…LoL Love him or hate him, Bush will undoubtedly be remembered in the future generations to come. I guess depending on how these next four years turns out for him, he’s either going to remembered as one of the most courageous presidents ever, or one of the dummest. How he finishes off his second term will most likely dictate how people remember his first.

The two most defining events of his first 4 years is of course the 9/11 attacks and the War on Iraq. I can remember exactly where I was when each of those things happened. Each time, I was glued to the TV watching the events literally unfolding live in front of me. I remember sitting in the living room in horror, jaw dropped and speechless as the 2nd plane flew into the WTC. I remember sitting in front of the TV as the first bombs began dropping on Iraq to begin the war. Give it a couple decades, and it will definitely become one of those “Where were you when…” questions.

And Y’know that question “If you had the opportunity to have lunch with one person, who would it be”? My answer’s always been George Bush. Just b/c I’ve always wanted to know what went on inside his head. What his stance was on certain things, how he comes to make decisions, and most of all, how was it like to be a Christian and a leader of a country – the most powerful country in the world in that. In the summer, I would sneak over to Mitchells at lunch time and read bits and pieces of his biography. Yes, I am that cheap! I've always been intrigued b/c I've always believed it's almost impossible for a Christian to lead a country in this world, given the state that our world is in today.

Is he doing a good job? I don't know. I know a lot of Christians who despise him, who question his faith & morals, his actions and the motivations behind those actions, who consider him the scum of the earth. While I may not necessarily agree with everything he says and does, I remember thinking to myself, wow, this president has a tough job. No kidding.

Random Thought: Why do American politics always seem more interesting than Canadian politics?

Random Thought: Interestingly enough, according to CNN, apparently Bush won the vote this time around backed by the support of “Evangelical Christians” who voted 2-1 in favour of him over Kerry. I guess they have spoken…I guess?

2 More Years

2004-11-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

Two years…In exactly 2 years from today, November 1, 2006, I will be finished my program and preparing to write national physiotherapy board exam (PNE). Don’t ask me what PNE stands for, b/c I don’t know…LoL. And right now, I don't really care b/c two years seems likeforever...but I hope that’s not one of the questions. Let’s just hope I last the two years first. I got my anatomy midterm back today, and I JUST squeaked by. JUST BARELY…no jokes. Whew!!…I knew I hadn’t done so well, so waiting for the prof to hand back the test was so freakin’ scary. She marked it so fast! She must love markin’ or something, laughing at dumb students like me who thought a pro-sected specimen of a female pelvis was actually a male pelvis. Made me think back of OAC and Mr. Tanaka sitting in his office by himself cackling as he marked our tests…LoL. Good ol’ days…

Its ok…if this Physio thing doesn’t work out, I have a plan B. Actually, it’s an “alternative-if-PT-doesn’t-work-out” Plan B that me and Steph (Slam) have worked out. We’re gonna run away and join the circus. I’m gonna be the freak that eats glass, and she’s gonna be the girl who can stick her entire foot in her mouth. If that doesn’t work, there’s always Plan C. Marry rich basketball players. I wonder how much they make in the WNBA

Random Thought: Was watching “Finding Forrester” today. Great movie, I think I’ve seen it like 2 or 3 times already. Some great quotes by William Forrester:

“No thinking, that comes later. You your write your first draft with your heart, then you rewrite it with your head. The first key to writing is to write, not to think.”

“The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift, at an unexpected time.”

Fall Back!

2004-10-30T23:46:00.000-07:00

Time to turn back the clock an hour, so its an extra hour of sleep tonight for all! Wait, scratch that…everybody knows they just go to sleep one hour later, and wake up just as tired as they would any other day, if not more. I’ve decided to use this extra hour to blog, although I have Sunday School to prep for tomorrow and an assignment due on Monday, since I don’t seem to have much time to post anymore.

Yesterday was my “Rush” day. I literally rushed from one thing to another ALL day long. I woke up late (actually on purpose), rushed to get to school in time. After classes, rushed over to Hart House to play volleyball with some UTccfers (got there late). After volleyball, rushed over to Henry’s to shower and change. After Henry’s rushed over to CCF (got there late). After CCF, we rushed over to try and make our dinner reservations for Richie’s Bday (got there late). After dinner, we rushed over to MINK to try to get in before 11pm so the girls can get in with no cover (we made it!). After clubbin’ it up for a while, rushed back to Henry’s to grab our stuff and then rushed all the way up town to grab my car before the parking lot closed at 2 am (we made it! – thanx Amelia!). Rushed up to times square for “siu yeh” before it closed at 2:45 am (we made it!). Whew! Managed to squeeze everything in there. Even though it was a pretty exhausting day, it was definitely fun, and a needed break from school.

Mink was pretty fun though. Bumped into a couple old friends I haven’t seen in a long time, met some new people and celebrated Richard’s Bday! We had a little posse of future health professionals there too as well…a doctor (Henry), a PT (me), a nurse (Amelia), a pharmacist (Dianna) and a respiratory therapist (Jenny)…oh…and Hannah knows how to screen for gonorrhoea…so I guess that’s pseudo-health professional…LoL

Random Thought: Some guy came up to me on the dance floor and said “nice shirt”. I looked over and realized we were wearing the same shirt! We had a good laugh about it, gave each other a high five and went on our way. Good thing we weren’t girls…LoL

Anyway, now I’m really just bloggin’ about nothing now…so I’m going to stop and prep for Sunday school. To be honest, a lot’s been going thru my mind these days, and I’ve been pondering a lot of things. I’ll blog something when I can figure it all out in my head and properly articulate it, I promise. Peaz

Saturation Point

2004-10-27T13:53:00.000-07:00

Had my anatomy bell-ringer today. I didn't do so hot on this exam...so hopefully I will pass....The way they set up the test is that they set up 40 stations in the lab, and you have 1 min and 25 seconds to answer each question. Then the buzzer goes and you move on to the next station Didn't sound too bad originally, they usually put 2 pins on a section of the cadaver and you have to identify it. Let me tell you, it was the most stressful 1 hr of my entire life. The whole time I was studying, everyone was saying how 1 min & 25 seconds seems like its a short period of time, but its really longer than we think. All I have to say is...MY ASS! It was a pretty intense 1 hr...heart beating, hyperventilating, sweat rolling down your forehead type of thing. Well not exactly, but it wasn't fun....I'd be in the middle of trying to write down the answer and then all of the sudden the stupid buzzer goes off...BBBRRNNNNNHHHH!!! Stupid buzzer....I hate you....

anyway, you ever experienced one of those times where no matter how hard you try, you can't get your brain to work anymore? That's what I felt like the past few days and especially today after the test. Like my brain couldn't work anymore. Its reached its saturation point...Studying the last few days have been so unproductive b/c I couldn't cram anymore stuff into my head. And trying to shove more into my head would probably displace other important information anyway....like my name. Its a most interesting feeling, I've never honestly experienced before...the maximum saturation point. I have reached my max storage capacity...its sad...LoL

So what did I do? I slept for the first 3 hours of lecture, and then skipped the last one. And here I am now....in the computer lab! Wasting time, cuz my car's parked at Henry's place. LoL...I just wanna go home....

I think Henry is Smart

2004-10-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

Didn't do much really today...went downtown to study for a few hours with Henry...yup, I waved my no-group studying policy...and why? Because Henry is smart. He's spent the last 6 years doing his genetics and molecular-bolecular stuff...but I always thought that since I was in Kin, I had him trumped on everything from the cell and up. But I was wrong. why? Because Henry is smart. In just under 2 months, he's managed to learn everything that I learned from undergrad (and more), and he was the one actually teaching ME stuff that I was supposed to be the expert on. why? Because Henry is smart. LoL...you're a smartie big bro...thanx =D

oh yeah..and Winnie's smart too...if I ever need to know about arts & science, I will ask you.

Random Thought: I was just thinking back to a couple weeks ago when I visited Hammy-town and went to Boston Pizza with my old housemates Lily and Tony. They had a MOTION sensored automatic paper town dispenser!! At first I was like, YO this is so kool!...but more and more I'm thinking that its not the greatest thing since sliced bread, like I first thought it was. It gives out the same amount of paper towl, but not everyone's hands are the same y'know?....what if I had huge bear mitts huh??....or little tiny girlie hands???....then I wouldn't have enough paper towel or I'd have too much...you don't know me!!...YOU DON'T KNOW MEEEEEEEEE!!!!.....makes me mad....

Analogies & Metaphors

2004-10-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

Studying for my antomy exam...not much time to post, but I found this freakin' hilarious...thanx Shelby!

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like aguy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one ofthose boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

The Title of this post is...WINNIE

2004-10-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

Random Thought: Maybe its b/c there’s no hockey, but I’ve actually been following the baseball post-season this year – something I haven’t done since the Blue Jays in ’92 & ’93. My team is Boston now. They deserve to win after coming back from 3-0 to the Yankees tonite. Go Boston!!...Death to the Curse!!

Today had to be the messiest day in our cadaver lab so far. Our first task at 8 am this morning was to roll our guy over so that we could begin dissecting his back and his bum. Sounds simple eh? Well not if your guy’s entire chest and stomach cavity is open and all of his internal contents fall out. Which is what happened to us. We weren’t the worse though, we were actually able to keep all of it on the dissecting table, which is more than I can say for some of the other groups…LoL. Its surprising how much fat is on a person’s back and bum (well the bum is expected), but we spent the entire 2 hr lab essentially trying to peel off the skin and clean the fat off this guy. Not fun, especially when you have fluid dripping on your shoes and all over your lab coat.

And then it happened…

Y’know, you hear stories about these things happening to other people, but deep down inside you never believed that it would actually happen to you. As I was cleaning some of the fat off our guy’s bum, I pulled with my forceps and released…and A SPECK OF FLUID FLEW UP AND HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! Oh the horror!!!…I am scarred for life…

On a more serious note, we went to another clinical session at a hospital downtown today. It was actually kind of sad. We were taken into an elderly man’s room to practice our assessment and treatment and stuff, but half way thru, we were asked to leave…because the patient had deteriorated big time since the morning and the priest was coming up to give him his last rights. I’m not even sure if we should’ve been seeing him in the first place, seeing as how it is possible that he would not make it thru the day and as we left, we could see the family members crying and sobbing at the doorway to his room. To be honest, I didn’t really know what to feel at that point, but I guess it hit me that death is sort of a reality that I may to have to deal with as a physiotherapist. Like, I’ve always associated that more with nursing or medicine, but it is possible that I would be put into a position where I would be interacting daily with patients that are walking on a tightrope between life and death. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. But then again, I’m not really sure anybody could really be ready for that the first time it happens to them.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

2004-10-15T05:38:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say thanx to everyone for their encouragement over the past week or so...I finished my midterm yesterday and I think I did alrite!

Random Thought: Everyone must've been fried yesterday after the exam...it took 4 of us to figure out how to put together this McD's happy meal toy! We could tell you how many ATP came from the complete metabolism of glycogen, how many from substrate phosphorylation and how many from oxidative phosphorylation...but that stupid toy...that's what ruined us yesterday...it was a little demoralizing, but I don't think anybody cared after the exam...LoL...maybe that's why we all chose PT as a career and not...toy-put-togethering.

Still brain-fried...have to finish critically appraising this article we were supposed to have read for small group this afternoon...see yooooou

School Blues

2004-10-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

Its 3 am right now and I felt like taking a break from studying…so I thought I’d do a little bloggin’….So here’s an upadate on school…

School’s been pretty much dominating my life for the past 2 weeks….that is to say, more dominating than usual, b/c school’s always pretty intense. But more so now b/c I’ve been trying to prep and get ready for my midterm this coming Thursday. I have to admit that its pretty overwhelming sometimes, just the variety of knowledge they’ve thrown at us so far in the program, and now there is an INSANE amount of info to plow through. Our midterm essentially covers everything we’ve learned in class for the first 5 weeks PLUS an independent study unit that we’re supposed to have found time to go through on our own. Unfortunately, I’ve spent a lot of time “condensing” my notes (like I always do) just to get rid of the stuff I don’t really need to know. Tonight I finally finished it and came up with…yup, you guessed it…83 pages…YES, eighty-three pages!!!....what a frickin’ waste of time that was…LoL

I’ll be glad to have this first midterm over though, just b/c I’ll have a better sense of what to expect and how to study for these exams. It’ll also be interesting to see how everybody ranks in the class. To get into the program, everybody must’ve been near the top of their class in undergrad, but everything changes now. This program is more intense and the class is a lot smarter. Its actually pretty intimidating for me. Probably none of us are used to sittin’ below the average, but obviously some of us will after this first exam. Luckily, we all just need a 70% to pass, and there are no benefits to scoring any higher. Yet I think there is a certain sense of pride that fuels us all, which may not necessarily be a bad thing.

In terms of commuting, I think I’m starting to adjust to it a little better. I’m still getting downtown by 8 am everyday, and I’m still getting work done on the subways. But to be totally honest, as much as I’m starting to adjust, I’m really starting to wear down a little bit. Some of the commitments I’ve made (worship team, volleyball) means that at least 2 days out of every week, I’m getting up a little after 6am and I don't even get home until 11:30 pm or so. Of course I could give up things like playing volleyball and stuff, but I’ve also made a conscious decision to try to keep these things in my life to maintain some sort of variety. That being said, I really don’t know if I can keep on pullin’ these 17 or 18 hr days. By the time I get home, I can’t study anymore b/c I’m absolutely exhausted and I need to sleep right away anyway to wake up at 6am again the next morning. Obvsiouly this isn’t very conducive to studying, so I always have to try to sneak an hour of work here and there whenever I can…on the subway…at lunch time…at timmies…at church before practice. But sometimes I wonder if I’m just being a wuss…LoL. I mean, surely I’m not the first one ever to have put in long hours in school and to have commuted back and forth…I don’t know…

I have to say though, all things considered, that I feel pretty lucky that my undergrad in KIN at MAC really prepared me well… In 4th year, I took some really tough upper year courses in exercise physiology & biomechanics/neuromuscular physiology to prepare myself for what I thought was a future career in research. As it turned out, God shut that door on me pretty decisively. However, by God’s plan I now realize, there was a purpose behind me struggling it out in these courses in undergrad, b/c now I feel comfortable in the two sections class that almost everyone else is struggling in. Mainly b/c of bad profs, a lot of people seem to be stressin’ big time over these two units. I’ve actually been studying from my undergrad notes b/c they make more sense to me…I can only imagine how its like if you’re looking at this stuff for the first time

Back to studying my friends…If I could ask you all to say a lil’ prayer for me this Thursday for my midterm, I’d really appreciate it!

Random Thought: "ATELECTASIS"….I hate that word. Its like the KEY word of this whole unit and they warned us in the beginning that we absolutely need to know what it means, even if we didn’t know anything else. So naturally I didn't know what it meant, of course, and I was lost in the first 5 min of a 3 hr lecture. I’ve been trying to figure out what this word ACTUALLY meant..(well, not really “trying”…maybe “not bothering” is the right word..hehe). I finally looked it up a couple days ago, and here it what it means:

Atelectasis: “A collapse or an airless part of the lung”

Wheeeew!!!.....that was a close one!…didn’t think I’d make it thru…but I’m ok…back on track!!…LoL…pray for me, I’m so screwed

20th Anniversary!!!

2004-10-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

The Siu family has now been in Canada for exactly 20 years! It was October 4, 1984 when we decided to pack up our belongings, and leave our homeland to settle here in Canada. Wow, I can’t believe that its been two decades…it seems like just yesterday left the rice fields and began the 6 week voyage across the ocean in the cramped confines of our homemade sea vessel. What a wonderful feeling to breathe the fresh Canadian air as we stepped off the raft, tied it to the dock and never looked back! Hehe…Just kidding...we took a plane...........seriously

Y’know, I really do have a lot of respect for my parents. Like everyone else, they came to Canada b/c they were worried about the whole 1997 handover thing. But they picked up and moved here all the way back in 1984 so that the three of us could begin our lives in Canada. They both left very comfortable jobs and their whole entire lives in Hong Kong. We pretty much came to Canada with nothing, and that’s not much of an exaggeration. My mom resorted to walking up and down the street passing out resumes while my dad moved boxes for a tv company. All the while they managed to take care of us and sheltered us from some of the harsh realities of life because we were too young to even understand the word “worry”. It took a lot of courage - to leave HK at a time when it wasn’t even popular yet to leave…it took a lot of faith – to come to Canada knowing that they’d have to start from the bottom again…and it took a lot of love – to put the future of their children before their own.

G: Gosh…stop me before I start sounding like the Joy Luck Club…hehe

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been if we had never left HK. Would I be the same person I am today? Would I enjoy the same things and surround myself with the same type of people? Maybe I would’ve joined the triad…or been one of those “dai pai dong” vendors…or one of those crazy double-decker bus drivers!…maybe I would’ve been really skinny (for lack of “American milk” in my diet)…and maybe I wouldn’t have even know volleyball! The horror!...can you imagine that?

I went back to HK for the first time a couple of summers ago. It was a wonderful experience, visiting the place where I was born, see the city in which my parents grew up, and just experiencing a lifestyle that seems so foreign to me. All the time, I kept on wondering, trying to imagine myself growing up in this setting. And honestly I really couldn’t even imagine what it would be like. It certainly would not have been the same as growing up in T.O. I don’t think anybody can say with confidence that they would be the same person they are right now if things were a little different. How could you be, your past is so instrumental in shaping who you are today. To be honest, the thing I wonder the most is whether I would’ve had the same relationship with God as I do now, if things had unfolded differently in my life. My life has been shaped by many things in my past, my faith repeatedly developed and refined throughout the years. Through my personal struggles and failures I have come to make my faith my own, began to understand my own limitations and experienced the true meaning of God’s grace. So therefore it would’ve been totally different if I had grown up in HK…right? I dunno...

For some reason, I am certain that had God planned for us to stay in HK, He still would’ve brought forth challenges and struggles in my life that would’ve molded me into a similar person as I am today. I have to admit though, it is interesting though, to think about how my life would’ve turned out had we not immigrated here 20 years ago. There were many points in my life where things could’ve unfolded differently, had I chosen something other than what I ended up choosing. However in the end, I don’t like to think too much about the “could’ves” and the “would’ves” because it would absolutely drive me nuts. I think that we must make decisions faithfully and acknowledge that our present path is the path that we have chosen. The way I see it is that God is sort of like an artist, slowly but surely putting together the complex tapestry that is our life. As each piece is woven in, some adjustments may be needed, but in the end, the artist will step back and show that His work of art has turned out exactly the way He had always intended it to.

It was 20 years ago that we came to Canada, but I think tonight was the first time I ever really thanked my parents for bringing us here.

Random Thought: I don’t know how far me and Henry would’ve gotten educationally in HK anyway…my parents brought Henry to take a test to enter this prestigious pre-school in HK…during the test, when they asked him to draw something…all he could draw was a row of straight lines!…so needless to say he didn’t get in!!!…LoL…my parents probably looked at me and said “screw it”…they didn’t even bother trying with me…they ended up enrolling us in a school called “Fai Lok” (translated – “happy” ) pre-school......WE WENT TO A SCHOOL CALLED “HAPPY PRE-SCHOOL”!!!....haha…probably not where you’d find too many of your leaders of tomorrow

ANACEFC

2004-10-01T23:23:00.000-07:00

This week ANACEFC (Association of North American Chinese Evangelical Free Churches) held its annual conference in Toronto, so like 100 or so pastors from all over North America came and gathered here this week. The finale of this conference was held at our church tonite. The president of ANACEFC personally asked our pastor Chris to put on a little presentation on Chinese-English culture relations w/in the church!...what an honour =D

I knew Chris really wanted to blow everybody in the audience away with our play and worship , and we went all out...in a relative sense...we had spotlights and a fog machine!!...LoL...Our church is still a fairly small church, so shelling out money for spotlights and a fog machine is a pretty big deal!...talk about pressure!...LoL..j/k…but there were definitely some stressful moments just before we were about to go on…it was as if everything that could potentially go wrong threatened to at some point or another during the night…firstly, I was playing my electric guitar that I hadn’t played much in over a year with new strings that I had changed a few days ago…and the stupid thing REFUSED to remain in tune…so by the time I finished tuning all 6 strings, I’d have to go back to the 1st one and tune that again…LoL..so me and charlton literally sat there for like 20 min just tuning my guitar… secondly, I almost blew out my amp like 4 times literally seconds before the curtain was to open and we were to start playing...you’d be surprised what kind of things run through my mind in moments of stress (not all of them logical) :

1) “let’s perform an exorcism on this amp”
2) I’ll just pretend to play and make very exaggerated strumming motions to compensate for the fact that I’m producing no sound (I’ve actually done that before..and nobody noticed!)
3) With one strategically directed spray from the fog machine, I can quickly make an exit and be across the border by the end of the nite
4) Maybe I could fake a seizure

Hehe…but in the end, the presentation turned out sooooo great…the play was hilarious, I haven’t laughed so hard in so long =D God really managed to piece everything together perfectly even though there were times where we were stressin’ out big time…I think we represented our church well and it was kool to see a lot of the younger kids in our congregation helping out…its just one of those things that you’ll remember for a long time =)

I love Volleyball

2004-09-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today was quite a long day...i left the house at exactly 6:45am and got back just now at about 11:15pm. The day didn't start off too well...I decided to sleep in for once and get downtown by 8:45 instead of 7:45...didn't happen...freakin' internal alarm clock woke me up my usual time...and as I lay wide awake in my bed...I decided to screw it and head down...i got down by 7:45 and did some work

Had another clinical session at Toronto Western hospital today...we were doing Pulmonary (lung) function tests today, which kinda interested me cuz I did a whole bunch of those when i was smaller...when i was in grade 2, I had this rare type of pneumonia that kept my fever up at around something like 105 for 5 or 6 days...missed 1 month of school and dropped 20 pounds (i think i was like barely 80 pounds BEFORE losing all that weight)...as a result i was diagnosed with acute asthma and my lung function was estimated at 60% of normal...i've always wondered if my lungs were ever back to normal...soooooo i did one of those tests today...AND the results were slightly below NORMAL...LoL...I'll take it!

afterwards met up with amy, my dear long departed ex-housemate...we were supposed to celebrate shaun's finishing of med school applications...except Shaun was sick and couldn't make it...so we celebrated in his honour...haha...went out for mexican food...took her on a tour of my PT building...LoL...my classmates are gonna start to wonder soon why I'm always taking girls on tours of the building...

our first intramural volleyball game was tonite...some guys from PT found out that I'm a volleyball player and they asked me to join their team...to be honest...I was pretty nervous since I haven't really played much (like in a competitive manner) since high skool...these players were all like serious club players and varsity calibre players with years and years of playing experience...and I was given the job of setting to them...LoL...so that was pretty intimidating...but, once the game got going and the blood started flowing it sorta comes back to you...and I managed to impress them! =D...I would've been happy with just not screwing the team up...LoL

so that was my day...all in all, it was a great day...especially the volleyball part...oh how did I ever live without you for the last four years??

sleep time...peas-out...zzzzz

Anti-socialness

2004-09-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Its over…I have officially become anti-social. Did you guys see it coming?

Its weird…whenever I’m not in class, I just feel like going home now and either sleeping or sitting in front of the tv and doing nothing. Actually a lot of my classmates are the same Today we finished class at 2 pm, and I went straight home. I thought about calling up a couple of friends who were downtown, thought about going to finally check out ccf at UT…thought about stickin’ around to hang out with some classmates…but nope..went straight home…to spend the rest of the night by myself. The funny thing is, I don’t really mind at all.

My Feminine Side

2004-09-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

This morning there was a man standing outside timmies, holding the door open for people and asking for change. So this jerk walks in behind me, makes sure he stops to demoralize the guy, and then opens the other door himself and walks in. What a prick. I don’t know why some people are such pricks. I am a pretty tolerant person, but people who push other people down so that they can feel big is just about the worst in my books. That is one of the only things that I have absolutely no tolerance for. Next time just walk thru the door and thank God for where you are in life, prick.

Had another SCS today. This time, me and my partner were to follow a PT around as she made home visits to see elderly patients. The experience as a whole wasn’t that great. It was a hot day and we had some time to kill so our PT thought we should go out for coffee. She brought us to this place called “The little Tea Room”. Let me describe this place to you:

1) First thing I noticed as I walked in were a whole string purple feather boa’s hung on the window.
2) We were lead into the tea room in which the dominant colour was by far…PINK (ie. Pink tablecloths, pink napkins, pink everything)
3) There was a flowing fountain in the middle of the room, surrounded by pink roses…of course.
4) We were told that they didn’t serve coffee “in respect to the fragile nature of tea leaves”…what the freakin’?
5) We ordered ice tea that was bright red and came in these oversized wine goblets…apparently cuz it was like some sort of herbal brew or something like that
6) The men’s room had flowers all over the wall
7) Apparently there are girly hats that you can try on

I just wanted an iced coffee man…instead…I came out of there in touch with my feminine side…LoL

Randomness

2004-09-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today was just full of Randomness...

Random Thought #1: For those of you who take the subway, perhaps you've noticed some of the 102.1 The Edge advertisings...They're AWESOME! This morning I made my way up and down the particular car that i was in reading all of their adds. Here's an excerpt of my favourite:

"I've always wanted a pet monkey. I would teach it to clean the house and he would be able to play the bass like the guy from Nirvana. But then he might get smarter than me and maybe I would become HIS monkey..."

G: yo, that's pretty deep...

Random Thought #2: saw a pretty hot asian girl walk out of the subway today...the first thing i noticed was the cigarette in her hand...and the second thing i noticed was the huge hoark that she spit out of her mouth

G: that's nasty...

Random Thought #3: As a "change", our class played jeopardy today to kind of review what we were taught in lecture. For this one question, the answer simply was: "male/female". So one girl puts up her hand and says "oh, I know I KNOW!!!! I'm a FEMALE!"

G: I wonder if she was joking...

Random Thought #4: I gave this guy in my class a little shove in the shoulder as I walked past him in class today...just cuz guys do that sometimes...y'know, act like pricks and shove each other around and stuff...so the guy turns around holding his pen up in the air and said "YO, DO YOU WANT ME TO STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH MY PEN???"

G: I knew we were all just joking around...but don't you think that reaction was a little extreme?...LoL

Kityan Au

2004-09-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Got an unexpected call from Kitty last night on my cell. Unexpected as in I was just about to go to sleep...and unexpected as in I dont' usually get phone calls...LoL Anyway, I thought I'd do a little promoting for all you art lovers out there.

PRESS RELEASE

ROSELAND GALLERY

Presents

Kityan AU

Stills

Exhibition from October 1st to October 17th
Opening reception October 7th ( by invitation) from 6pm
The artist will be present on Saturday 3rd and for the opening

Kityan Au, graduate student of OCAD, is returning from Italy and Spain. She is bringing back a different outlook on what is behind the window. The earth deep colors of southern Europe let us journey in her sojourn.

My images capture a moment in time, frozen, it is forever kept in my memory as one beautiful still image, and it also depicts the fragility of time.You can not keep anything still”

For any information or inquiries please contact:
Francoise and Dante Larcade
Roseland Gallery
702 Queen Street West, Toronto
Tel: 416 869 9229
www.roselandgallery.com
WQW Art + Design District member

Opening Hours:Thursday, Friday, Saturday from 11am to 7pm
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday by appointment only

My Stethoscope

2004-09-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

I got my first stethoscope today! I am thinking of naming it, so I will take suggestions if you guys have any. We have already begun practising on one another in lab last week, but today I received my own shiny new one. Apparently there's this whole stethoscope subculture thing of how to wear it around your neck and stuff...i should figure that out. I feel so…so…important! Almost like..*gasp*…a doctor!

Now I can start using my new pickup line:

“Hey Baby, I’m a doctor!”

I figure that'd be better than: “Hey Baby, I showered today…”

This whole commuting thing's been really tiring...so I've figured out a plan...this is how I'm gonna arrange my days from now on. Sooo…that means that by dinner time, I’ll already have close to 5 hrs of work done that day. Then after dinner means, no work! =D Honestly, that’s been working for the last week or so, I dunno how long it’ll last, but it does work!

1) Wake up at 6:15am, leave 6:45, get to finch station at 7:00
2) Read for 40 minutes on the subway trip down
3) Get downtown by like 7:40 am, go upstairs to a study room and study until 9:10 (when classes start)
4) Finish class at 4:00, read for 40 minutes on the subway trip up
5) Get home around 5:05 pm, watch simpsons till 5:30 (LoL)
6) Do schoolwork until dinner at around 7:30 pm

Quote of the Week: Mason (Sean Connery) to Goodspeed (Nick Cage) in “The Rock”

“Go ahead, keep shouting…[under his breath] Some sniper’s gonna get his ass”

Breathing (by Lifehouse)

2004-09-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin aroud one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace

I'm looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
GOD WHICH ONE'S YOU?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel alive
And break these calluses off of me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I dont' want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

Alpha Male

2004-09-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

Went into Hammy-town last night, to visit CCF and to drive Winnie home. The program for the night was a progressive dinner. I was a little late gettin' into town, so I got there during the main course part of the nite. Y’know, I have to admit it is a great feeling to go back to see everyone and to know that they are really happy to see you too....I really miss hccf...and man there were so many new frosh! we were debating on who the new Alpha male(s) in CCF would be…any suggestions? =D...fight it out boys! LoL..I guess the ties to hccf are a little harder to cut than I thought..hehe…

Tony crashed at my place last nite. Got up around 9:30 and groggily stumbled into Golden Griddle for breakfast. Breakfast Buffets are a scam! You can’t eat anything that early. Especially with all those different types of home fries and hash browns. I only ate like a plate and a half of food. I want my money back. We walked out of there feeling less manly, because we got OWNED by the buffet. Next time watch out…I am bringing stretchy pants.

Had a little getogether with a bunch of old housemates and friends for Ernie and Amy’s bady. The plan was for Tony keep Ernie busy at Pacific, I would pick Tony up from there and then race back down and try to beat Ernie back to his house. Unfortunately that didn’t happen…me and tony were waiting at different exits...so the surprise must’ve been a little dry… LoL…but it was a fun night…everyone’s in different cities now…

Goodbye Hockey =(

2004-09-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Hockey =(…for a long time too =( Unfortunately, at exactly 12:00 am this morning, the NHL locket began. This time they aren’t even close to agreeing on a deal. They probably even argue over who has to order lunch during meetings. Well…all I can say is that this really sucks. Better start hittin’ up those treadmills boys, you guys will be out of action for a looooong time…

This week has been pretty normal skool-wise. Although, this being week 2, I really have no reference point to base that assessment, but what I mean is its pretty much been, go to class and then go home. I still think of sleep anytime I’m not in class, I wonder if that’s gonna change at all in the next 26 months. On a brighter note, we finished class at 2:30 today! I think at this point, anything that has the word “optional” attached to it is great news to us 1st year PT students. Drove one of my classmates home today. Found out he lived like 10 freakin’ houses away from me! Crazy eh? We were trying to get things organized for a structured clinical session with this PT next week, when we found out we both lived on the same street. Weird...but kool…cuz now I can borrow his notes…LoL

My dad’s business partner took me out for dinner tonite b/c I was the first one on the scene last weekend as an impromptu translator after she got into a car accident…we were talking about her son, a kid in Jr. High that I’ve been teaching guitar to thru the summer and sorta been like a big brother to. I really got a sense of this whole cultural/generational battle b/w her and her son. It was very interesting, me being sorta in the middle and all. One thing tho is that this kid is freakin’ smart...I see in him a little bit of myself when I was younger...but he is way smarter than I was at his age. He’s not just book smart tho, his ability to learn and adapt to situations is freakishly advanced for a kid his age. Except his smartness enables him to conceive of little devilish schemes that often gets him into trouble. LoL…if only his powers were used for good.

Matthew 11:28-30

2004-09-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I am a rookie blogger. I haven’t been doing this for long but there’s something about the blogging world that seems to have captivated me. How did I ever manage to survive without it?..haha..j/k But truthfully, in the process of becoming a blogger myself, I have also taken up visiting other people’s blog sites. I find that it presents me an avenue (albeit a filtered one) into the deeper thoughts and feelings of individuals with whom I only have the time to interact superficially. Beyond everything that I may observe myself about other people, blogs sometimes allows me access into what one is thinking and frames a perspective around which they approach their everyday encounters. It is really interesting to find out that some people think the same way I do, some think radically differently than I, and some don’t seem to think much at all.

Personally, I have found this form of journaling to be very therapeutic, and I have to admit that there is a certain value in retreating to my room at the end of the day and discharging all of my thoughts and feelings on to the computer screen. It is a release of all the mess that’s been swimming around in my head all day, my thoughts and feelings articulated in its most raw and natural form. It is an escape from all the expectations weighing down on my shoulders that have almost (but not quite) pushed me under for good. Most importantly, I find that there is a certain comfort in knowing that there are probably people out there reading my blog too.

The only problem is, my blog postings represent some of what’s on my mind, but not always all of it. I always type my blog postings out on a Word document before posting, because of course not everything I write can be posted. Surprise, surprise, there are situations which frustrate me, people who absolutely piss me off, and there are times when I don’t always feel like doing the right thing. So I vent, and sometimes those things need to be censored out of my postings. (Even this very blog posting will probably sit for a few days before publishing). You may have noticed that most of my postings come in bunches, a few days posted all at the same time, once everything is polished and ready to be read. I need to make sure I am coherent with my thoughts, because I absolutely suck at writing. I need to make sure I get what I want to say across properly, nothing more and nothing less. Most importantly, I need to make sure that everything that comes out of my mouth does not come back to screw me over in some way.

Earlier this summer I discovered once again the power of prayer. Not that I had really forgotten this, but in all ways that mattered, I pretty much had forgotten. Lately I have come to depend upon prayer not only for others, but especially for myself. More and more I find that I just feel like spending time in prayer, as an escape and as a source of empowerment. It can be anywhere, at home, at work or even on the subway on the way to school. It has been a time of retreat, where I bring myself before God simply to dwell in his presence and nothing more. Amidst all the pressures and expectations this world has placed upon my shoulders, my prayer time is an opportunity for me shed these burdens and to know that the only thing that is expected of me is to be me. Where being raw is desirable and being polished is a hindrance. Let's just call it my "God-blog" (nope...saying it outloud doesn't make it sound any less cheese...LoL) It is a time for me when I am allowed and expected to simply be whoever I am; and to feel whatever I feel at that very moment.

And of course, there is always the comfort of knowing for certain that Someone is listening.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt 11:28-30)

Now I Know How it Feels like

2004-09-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

I am tired.

The first week of lectures has just totally destroyed me. Sitting in the same classroom from practically 8 – 5 every single day just does something to zap all the energy and life out of you (Ben suggested I bring lego..I might do that...LoL). And there’s just too many things to remember, its so confusing. I didn’t realize we had to print out certain lecture notes, didn’t realize we had to do readings, didn’t realize we had to check the website every day and so on and so forth. We’ve also already had one off-campus clinical session and another off-campus disability visit next week. We have an assignment already. So many numbers and combinations to remember, not to mention the fact that I’m still trying to remember the names of those I’ve met so far. Every day when class finishes, all I think of is sleep. Its, not that I haven’t been getting enough sleep – I’m packing in more hours a night than I did in the summer – but the fact that I’ve had to mentally stay on top of everything has been particularly draining on me.

Sometimes I just get totally dazed and lost b/c there’s so many things to do and I don’t know which to do first. I don’t like being disorganized or unprepared, yet that’s the way I’ve felt for most of the week. It takes most of my energy just to fight off this terrorizing feeling that everyone else is on top of things and I’m not. That everyone else is just naturally gifted, and maybe I just got in by fluke. What if everyone else has this natural affinity for learning PT stuff easily and I just got into this program cuz I busted my ass off to understand it in undergrad? I couldn’t possibly work that hard now cuz I won’t have the time even if I wanted to. So how will I survive in this program? Perhaps its crazy talk, but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind this week.

Now I know how it feels like #1: Now I know how it feels like to commute for 2.5 hrs a day for school. I think the hardest thing (other than the whole tired-ness and lack of time to study thing) is that students who commute aren’t always being able to come out to social events and stuff. I remember skipping the pub after a dinner last Thursday, and everyone was wondering the next day why I didn’t show. I’m not sure that “I need sleep” is a good enough excuse, but I don’t think I can keep up this pace either.

Now I know how it feels like #2: Now I know how it feels like at the end of every summer to be left behind as everyone else races off back to their out-of-town universities. As I drove to church by myself (ie. SANS Henry and Winnie) and as I scanned the church only to find a small handful of people my age left in the congregation, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit lonely already and a little bit left behind. The church seemed different today, I don’t know how to describe it. With all the changes that have happened in the first week of school, the 7 days since I’ve last seen church people seemed like an eternity.

Hart House Farm

2004-09-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

Went to Hart House Farm last night as part of the Orientation week events. This place was a large piece of property owned by U of T up in Caledon and as tired as we were from the week of class, we were all looking forward to just forgetting about the week and havin’ some fun. Originally, a lot of us were thinking that we were just going to skip this event, but I’m really glad that I decided to go. We partied it up for a night and celebrated with each other the beginning of our inevitable doom!..haha But essentially it was a great time for all 1st year rehab students just to get together and hang out and meet each other. The first thing we noticed was that the cabin we were supposed to stay in was no larger than our classroom, and was supposed to house 3 busloads of PT, OT and SLP students for the night. So everyone just ended up passing out on the floor in sleeping bags (the lucky ones had old mattresses). Needless to say, it got quite stuffy, a little stinky, and I got kicked by someone who apparently kicks in their sleep. Also, because it was pitch dark at night, I didn’t realize until the sun came up in the morning that I was sleeping like almost face to face with another guy in my program…so that was kinda weird…LoL We finally got back to T.O around noon-ish, but for me, the day was already destroyed. I passed out and woke up just in time to start watching the Canada-Czech game ½ way thru the first period.

Random Thought: Did anyone else notice that Team Canada started looking A LOT like the Leafs during the 3rd period? All disorganized and sloppy? My team always finds a way to give me a freakin’ heart attack man…

The thing I realized during Hart House trip was that I’m starting to get to know a lot of the people in my program. It hasn’t been too hard finding some common ground with most of them, as I’ve been meeting other people from Thornhill, people who know my friends, people who are guitarists or volleyball players and etc etc. It’s been a real blessing and I guess more and more, I’ve just been thinking (and a little curious) as to how my faith will fit in to these new relationships I’m developing with my classmates. I’ve been praying for my classmates ever since the summer began. I’m not really sure what I was praying for or why I was praying for them, but I just felt like I wanted to pray for them. Surprisingly, it didn’t feel too weird that I was praying for people I knew absolutely nothing about. There is a certain joy and peace I feel knowing that the people around me are being prayed for.

D4 - SARS Wing

2004-09-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

Had a little bit of a change of pace today as I had my first SCS (structured clinical session) in the acute geriatric ward at Sunnybrook hospital. They took me up to D4 (the 4th floor of D wing)….which apparently was the infamous SARS floor of Sunnybrook!...dundundun!!…but I survived..hehe. I mostly saw elderly patients suffering from a variety of functional limitations, complicated with co-morbidities like COPD or cognitive problems. Its interesting because it kinda made me think of my own grandma, who despite declining a bit lately, is still so functionally capable at the ripe old age of 93. She is a beast!

Random Thought: the physiotherapist I shadowed under asked me "Do you remember SARS?" Um...yeah I do...do you remember E. Coli?? Ok, your turn...I like this game.

Had a little time to kill before going back downtown for class so I just sat in the caf at Sunnybrook reading journal articles. An older Italian man asked if he could sit at my table. He was there to see his son and we chatted for a bit. I couldn’t make out his English well, but the one thing he kept on saying was “Everywhere-a you go-a, there-a gonna be-a good-a people, an-a there-a gonna be-a bad-a people”…Ain’t that the truth, Mr. Italian man.

Went out back downtown for class after Sunnybrook and then to a Mexican restaurant called “Margaritas” tonight as part of O-week events. It was kool just chillin’ and getting to know my classmates a little better. But it was 11:00 pm before I got home after the freakin' commute uptown!! Its over, I'm gonna crack and move downtown soon. Henry, I'm taking your room.

Call Me Chuck

2004-09-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

Today was our very first FULL day of lectures. The day started off with an 8:00 am anatomy lecture, 1 hr break for lunch, and the day finished finally at 4:15 pm. It was such a grind, especially since we were pretty much in the same room for the entire day. Needless to say, some were visibly passed out by the end of it all.

The day wasn't all bad though, I did meet my upper year PT buddy Dan today. The first thing he did was hand me a folder half an inch thick containing all of last year’s PT1 tests. Dan, you are the man.

I also bought a used labcoat and disection kit today for $5 each. My labcoat had the name “Chuck” written on the pocket. You better have been brilliant Chuck…I need those smart vibes.

First Day of Real Classes

2004-09-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

I met Larry today! =D (see blog posting Sept 2 & 4). I spotted him right away as I got off the subway because he was wearing a bright neon yellow t-shirt. It was as if God was like “Gary, you need help!” He seems like a really nice guy. I bought him a cup of coffee and we just chatted for a bit. He was just a really pleasant guy to talk to, hopefully I'll get lots of chances to bump into him on the way to school in the morning.

Today was the first day of real classes. Went to get the “resource manual” at lunch time and cost me $80!! It was over THIRTEEN FREAKIN’ HUNDRED photocopied pages long!...and you’d figure this thing would last me a while eh?...nope…this behemoth resource manual only covers unit 1 & 2...Week 1 (ie. Till this Friday) consists of 263 pages…Week 2 (ie. Till next Friday) takes us up to page 458. Welcome to PT…

On a funny note, everyone was asked to introduce themselves today. One of the questions we were asked was to give one unique talent that we possess. There was no shortage of talented people in my program as some were dancers, rock climbers, great cooks, and one girl even played 5 instruments. The tops was this one lady who already had 3 degrees AND was 6 months pregnant with her second child!! Serious...that’s talented. When it came to me, my “talent” was that I could juggle a basketball, volleyball, and softball at the same time…well...um...I bet you they were intimidated...LoL

Random Thought: Went out for bbl tea with Shaun and Karen L tonight. Somehow we ended up talking ‘bout popular singers when we were kids…Like MC Hammer and Kriss Kross. As I got into the car to go home, guess what was playing on the radio? INFORMER!!! You best believe I rolled down the windows and blasted it with pride.

Calm before the Storm

2004-09-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

For most of the past few days, I’ve made a conscious effort just to spend more time at home, resting up and mentally preparing myself for the beginning of classes tomorrow. So I’ve had a lot of time just to spend with my family and do a little bit of thinking. It’s kinda funny that with all changes going on for me this week, that every single evening this past week has been spent with my church friends. I guess after a day of new faces, new places and new names, it’s comforting to know that you can always come back to the familiar.

Been kinda just reflecting on my first week (2 days) of school. Not that there’s really been that much to reflect about yet, but just thinking about the new changes that have been going on and will continue for the next little while. I think I came into this week pretty excited/scared/nervous all at the same time. It seemed like first year on university all over again. 1) Being excited was natural. 2) I was scared because I didn’t exactly know what to expect from my program. Coming in, any preconception that you are above average is quickly snuffed out when you realize that everybody had to pretty much have the same type of marks to get into the program. Would I be the “dumb” one in my class? I hope not, LoL…that would suck. Most of all, 3) I was nervous because I wondered what my classmates would be like. There are 82 of us, and we will see each other Monday – Friday: 8am-5pm for the next 26 months (minus clinicals). We’ll probably see each other more than we see our families over the duration of the program. I guess you could go solo, but it will be a lonely 2+ years.

To be honest, to people that I don’t know well or aren’t comfortable with yet, I can be a pretty quiet person sometimes. I’ve learned to overcome that pretty well, but I still consider myself more naturally shy and quiet than naturally outgoing. I’ve learned how to be very social and I can definitely put on a social face when needed, but I do still get a little anxious in large social situations. My classmates all seem to be pretty cool people though, and I even met another Christian in my class. I hadn’t been counting on meeting too many Christians in my program, and to be honest it wouldn’t have been a big deal if I didn’t, but its cool to know there is at least one other Christian in my class.

The second thing I’ve come to also realize is that there won’t ever be a perfect time to leave McMaster University, but this is probably as good a time as any. Just chatting with the chaplain at lunch last week, there seems to be so many new and exciting things that I’d love to be a part of at MAC this year. But at the same time, I feel like I’ve accomplished everything I was supposed to accomplish there in undergrad (school and otherwise) and I leave this university at a point where all loose ends have been tied up. I feel a sense of completion towards the last four years and I look forward to the things that God has in store for me in Toronto.

Random Thought: I slept in until noon today. NINE hours of continuous sleep. I seriously haven’t slept in like that for years!!…but how come after a slumber of such titanic proportions, you wake up feeling as if you’ve been run over by a truck? And then go and take another nap again at 3 pm? Weird…

Late Birthday Parties are a Scam

2004-09-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

Went out tonight for Winnie and Annie’s (four month) late bday party. What a scam..haha..j/k So Ben buys these two massive ICE CREAM cakes that sit with us for the 25 min drive downtown. Then the waitress puts them in the fridge instead of the freezer as we had dinner (btw she also got our bill wrong twice!). Then we drive them back to Henry’s pad. We could only light one candle per cake for fear that the extra heat would completely finish off the already decimated ice cream creations. In the end, it became a race b/w how quickly we could drink our cakes and how quickly it could melt, and we won!...barely… Making sure we didn't blow all our money on a cake we couldn't eat really motivated us to suck it all down quick. Enjoyment was secondary. Oh, and Henry’s pad is soooooo sweet! There’s a jacuzzi on the roof of his building (24th floor!). Sick!

Was chatting on msn with my friend Kat tonight. Interestingly enough, there was a homeless man named Larry that she had been telling me about all summer. She worked in the building this summer right next to my PT building and saw him practically every single day. She even asked me to pray for him when he had surgery earlier this summer. So I’ve been hoping to bump into him downtown on my way to school this year. I found out tonight that the man that I hurriedly passed by last Thursday (Blog posting - Sept 2)….was LARRY! That really sucks. I’m praying that I will get another chance to run into him when classes begin on Tuesday. Ever wonder how much more we could be if we didn’t always screw up the opportunities that God placed in front of us?

In Hammy-town

2004-09-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

No school today. I decided half on a whim just to take a little road trip last night to Hamilton after worship team practice, partly because I was helping Gary Eng move in today, partly to hang out with Tony, partly to have lunch with Michael Fallon (MAC’s CRC chaplain), but mostly I think I just wanted to get out of T.O. Sigh…good ol’ Hamilton, how you still feel so much like home and Toronto feels so strange.

Tonight was my church’s 1st annual awards semi-formal. Its weird to see everybody dressed up and stuff, the last time probably being at Chris’ wedding. The night was so jokes and apparently I was a close runner-up for the “Best Ambassador of HCEFC” award. Runner up to…Henry…LoL…always in the shadow of my own brother…I want a re-count..haha

Random Thought: Watched a couple of war movies lately. You know how in those war movies, each army carries flags with them to show which country they represent? All I could think of the entire movie was: “Wouldn’t it SUCK to be one of the guys holding the flag?” Seriously, who’d they have to piss off get assigned that job? And what would they do anyway when the fighting begins? Perhaps they'd just find the flag barriers on the other side and have a flag-waving competition, and the loser would have to kill themselves in shame. I guess they were off taking a leak when the real weapons were handed out

Day Two

2004-09-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty uneventful skool-wise. Got most of my registration stuff done today. This was supposed to be the looooong day where I’d have an 8 hr gap b/w sessions (I hate commuting already!), but in the morning I managed to get my 5 pm session switched to 1 pm. Still had a few hours to kill downtown today, so had a chance to catch up with Hugo over lunch at Spring Rolls today. Went to visit Shaun at Sick Kids after lunch. We spent a little bit of time catching up, praying for each other and for a couple of our friends.

Random thought: To register today, everyone had to hand in $42, and I’m not even sure why…I guess I did because everyone was doing it. What a wonderful way to scam money off students…mass ignorance and peer pressure.

Passed by a man pandhandling near my building today. Normally I would’ve stopped for a bit to chat or at least offered to buy them a meal/coffee or something, but today I passed by with barely a couple of words…all because I was in a rush to beat the traffic home. Ironically, this was a day in which I was lucky enough to finish my session at school 3 hrs earlier than I had expected, but all I could think of was beating the rush hour swarm home…so that I could take a nap…which I wouldn’t have had the time for anyway if the day went as planned…I felt really guilty and I know it won’t happen again, but on the subway home, I couldn’t help but think: As a Christian, what if we were only given that one chance to show God’s love to somebody?

So It Begins

2004-09-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of Orientation week. On the handouts they mailed to us in August, there was a welcome lunch today from 11am to 2 pm. Thinking this was one of those “drop-in” type of things, I happily slept in and arrived promptly at noon. Mistake #1 – this was not one of those “drop-in” type of things.

Luckily I quickly found out some MAC KIN grads were in the program (Lydia, Wendy, Amy and Darryl), and also was able to meet a lot of new people in the first couple of days. Socializing and trying to meet people is tiring sometimes though, its very repetitive. The never-ending string of the standard introductory conversations with each other (i.e. where are you from? What school? Which program? Do you live downtown or do you commute? Etc etc)

We had a few people come in to speak to us today and then toured the campus a little bit. The girl:guy ratio in PT is approx 4:1 (similar to KIN), so once again being an Asian male, I was like double minority. Found the U of T campus extremely confusing and the colossal libraries made the ones at MAC seem like children’s libraries. Got lost on the way to my bro’s place and was saved by a gentleman named “Steve”. Thank you Steve, whoever you are. I'd still be walking around downtown trying to find Henry's place if it weren't for you.

The commute ain’t so bad…yet.